Sharing Household Duties

NickiReischmann · June 2015

My husband and I are settling into marriage in a house that we recently purchased. I have found that I end up doing nearly all of our household chores (laundry, vaccuuming, dishes, bathroom cleaning) even though both of us work full time. We recently got into a fight about this and he told me that I need to tell him to do things around the house and he will do them. The problem is, I hate feeling like a nag. How can I ask him to help without feeling like I am that bitchy wife but still get the help I need around the house?

Disneygeek77 · June 2015

What works for us to to assign chores. For example, I do the kitchen in our house while my husband does the laundry,trash and bathrooms. We will pick up the living areas together and then I will vaccuum while he dusts.

short+sassy · June 2015

Disneygeek77 said:

What works for us to to assign chores. For example, I do the kitchen in our house while my husband does the laundry,trash and bathrooms. We will pick up the living areas together and then I will vaccuum while he dusts.

I agree with this. That was what worked out best for me and my H. Or, depending on your finances, you could look into hiring a maid to come in once every week or two. It is a surprisingly affordable option that can really cut down on the crush of house chores. Generally speaking, maids don't do dishes or laundry...but they can take care of the big cleaning like dusting, vacuuming, etc.

Erikan73 · June 2015

You sound like you could be living in my house. I found for us what works is that each day I send my husband a list of a few items that need to be done that day. I try to keep the list short each day and by the end of each week, the list gets done. And I don't put it as things he needs to do, but as a mutual to do list. It has helped us a lot.

I recommend talking to your husband and telling him what you told us that you need help & that you realize he's not a mind reader and needs to be told where you need help, but you don't want to feel like a nag. Take the different suggestions from here and ask him which he would feel most comfortable with.

BlueBirdMB · June 2015

Be straight up and assign him tasks. My husband cleans the bathrooms, does the vacuuming, and takes out the trash. If I cook, he cleans the dishes, and if he cooks, I clean the dishes. I do the kitchen, wash all the floors (we have a 100% hard surface floor house, so everything needs to be vacuumed and cleaned), dust, do laundry, grocery shop and meal plan. He does all the outdoor work like lawn mowing and snow removal. We worked this out at the very beginning and we've never fought about chores. Make a list and pick which of you will be responsible.

nurse714 · June 2015

You might want to change your user name.

VOR · June 2015

Assign chores, write them up and put them somewhere visible. Your DH has SAID "tell me what to do". telling him isn't nagging. now- if he doesn't do it an dyou have to tell him over and over and over, THAT'S nagging - but then again, that's also on HIM because he's not doing what he told you to tell him to do!

And I'll say - separate your laundry. He gets his own basket and when he needs clean clothes, he can do his laundry. DH and I have been together over 20 years and we still each do ou rown laundry. Don't get me wrong - based on his schedule, I'll sometimes do his for him because I know he just doesn't have time. But 90% of the time, he handles it himself. It makes life a lot easier!

joleri23 · June 2015

Assigning chores works, like everyone else has said. We each take care of our own laundry too. We alternate too so that whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes. It works pretty well.

PandaNikki · June 2015

We tried alternating chores and stuff but it didn't work, so instead we came up with a room system. I'm in charge of kitchen (which includes all dishes), bathrooms, and laundry. He's in charge of the bedroom, living room, entry way, and dining room. We alternate cooking nights. We just started this and not only has it been working, it has cut down on fights because it's very easy to see who has done their chores and who hasn't.

Before, if I was on dishes one night and he was on them the night before and he didn't do them, then I had to do them and I was doing his chores. This way we don't have that problem!

Sharing Household Duties

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