Want to hear some family drama? long and NBR

CeeCeeSugaPie · June 2015

I am an only child and my mother is driving me insane. The only friend she has is her sister. She has no hobbies or outside interests other than buying useless shit just because it is a "good deal".

Every time she visits (about once a week, less if I can help it) she brings DS a gift of some sort, usually toys or candy. She has been asked over and over and over not to do this. We are trying very hard not to raise a spoiled brat. I don't think this request is unreasonable. Do you guys think so? It isn't like he is lacking in anything. The boy has an entire playroom and a bedroom filled with toys, games, clothes, & whatnot. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't want him to expect something from her every time she comes. She doesn't need to buy his love. If it was just once in a while, I wouldn't mind, but it is every damn time. Now she is sneaking him toys and treats when she comes over, which pisses me off even more. I've found ice cream bars in the freezer. New toys appear in the playroom.

I get pissed about it and end up snapping at her. Then she acts like some sort of martyr and that I am so mean and terrible. Now she has my Aunt texting me "Do you realize or care just how much you hurt your mother?". I didn't even respond. It's like they have nothing going on in their lives so they have to try to stir up drama for entertainment. Maybe I am just a huge bitch, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask her not to bring a gift over every time she stops by.

CeeCeeSugaPie · June 2015

I should add that my Mom is by no means rich. I would much prefer her to save her money for retirement. I've even tried asking her to just put some change in his piggy bank when she comes over since we are saving for a trip to Disney. That doesn't work either since there is no instant gratification for her. At Christmas time last year, she toted over more toys than Santa Claus. I know that she loves DS and means well, but I just wish she could show her love for DS in a different way. It's like she is trying to outdo everyone and be the "favorite" because she brings the most gifts. DS would be just as happy to play with her.

If anyone has gotten through all this ranting, I appreciate it! It was good to get this all out.

InLovewSB · June 2015

I can relate to this to a lesser extent with my MIL. Here's an idea - If your mom won't listen to your words and you feel strongly about the situation, then start bagging up the toys and either put them away in storage or donate them to charity. For everyday playtime, leave out only the amount you decide is sufficient for your son, which won't make him 'spoiled.' It seems like she would notice that you've removed the abundance of toys, and perhaps, she'll get tired of giving you things that you turn around and give away. It's just an idea. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

CeeCeeSugaPie · June 2015

InLovewSB said:

I can relate to this to a lesser extent with my MIL. Here's an idea - If your mom won't listen to your words and you feel strongly about the situation, then start bagging up the toys and either put them away in storage or donate them to charity. For everyday playtime, leave out only the amount you decide is sufficient for your son, which won't make him 'spoiled.' It seems like she would notice that you've removed the abundance of toys, and perhaps, she'll get tired of giving you things that you turn around and give away. It's just an idea. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Thank you for the suggestion.

I would try anything at this point. If I catch her at the door, I have even went so far as to say "thank you for the toy, but I am going to put it away for now and give it to him as a reward later". I do make it a point to go through the playroom regularly with DS and we pick out the things that he doesn't play with. He know that they are going to get donated to kids who don't have any toys. If she calls before she comes over, I always ask her to come empty-handed and ready to play. She never listens though.

lab7979 · June 2015

I've had problems with my parents and my MIL buying a lot of stuff for my kids. Now that they are older I've started encouraging my parents to give them chores to earn money to buy their own stuff. Of course they still pay them way more than they should to make sure that they can get what they want but at least they have to put some kind of effort into it. Maybe encourage her to take him on outings like the movies, the pool or the park and spend time with him instead of buying him things?

CeeCeeSugaPie · June 2015

lab7979 said:

I've had problems with my parents and my MIL buying a lot of stuff for my kids. Now that they are older I've started encouraging my parents to give them chores to earn money to buy their own stuff. Of course they still pay them way more than they should to make sure that they can get what they want but at least they have to put some kind of effort into it. Maybe encourage her to take him on outings like the movies, the pool or the park and spend time with him instead of buying him things?

Ooh, I like that about the outings! Thanks for the suggestion. It would be good for her to get out and about as well.

duxcaelo · June 2015

Could you try suggesting that she keeps a special bag to bring over during her visits that can be filled with a few toys or books that can only be used while she is there? It could make it a special time for the two of them to play/read together with those things and she can keep extras/replacements at her place.

As for limiting treats, not sure about the kitchen setup/skills/or if you are at all interested, but maybe you could try asking her to bake or cook something together during the visit instead (like special baked pasta night).

Want to hear some family drama? long and NBR

Re: Want to hear some family drama? long and NBR

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