Unimportant anniversary.

Re: Unimportant anniversary.

• Xstatic3333 member

  

  June 2015

  Was there any discussion in advance, ie "what should we do for our anniversary this year?" I know my H and I didn't really "do" dating anniversaries. Even now, with wedding anniversaries, I generally take the lead in the planning conversation. He may just be one of those guys you need to spell things out for.
  
  Does he show his appreciation in the little ways? Making coffee? Cooking dinner if you've had a long day? Checking in by text?

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• englishtrish1 member

  

  June 2015

  Have you ever said to him " Anniversaries are important to me, it would make me feel loved if you X, Y or Z"

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• VOR member

  

  June 2015

  to reiterate the above responses, yes, some of this it about communication.  Have you TOLD him what's important to you?

  This might be an issue of different love languages.  You're doing for him what you want him to do for you, but he may not really care all that much.  Sure it's nice when it's done, but it's just not something that occurs to him to do.  Some of this might be about YOU accepting who he is.  BUT if he does truly care, I would hope a conversation with him will make him at least realize he needs to do SOMETHING.  It may never be to your standards, but if he at least makes the effort, that says a lot. 

  However, this might also be who he is in that he just.doesn't.care.  To what Xstatic asked- does he do ANYTHING for you, ever?  Anything to make you feel loved and special? 

  OR, to be fair, it might not be that he doesn't care, but that he just isn't the kind of person who wants to go out.  He may be more of a homebody than you.  He may be content w/ how things are.

  You need to talk to him and you need to figure out what's going on AND you need to figure out if you can truly be happy in a relationship like this.  Even if he says all the right things and you feel that he cares, he just doesn't show it how you want him to - can you live w/ this??  2, 5, 10 years from now- will you be o.k. w/ how things are NOW? 

  Figure this out. 

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• dutchgirl76 member

  

  June 2015

  Xstatic3333 said:

  Was there any discussion in advance, ie "what should we do for our anniversary this year?" I know my H and I didn't really "do" dating anniversaries. Even now, with wedding anniversaries, I generally take the lead in the planning conversation. He may just be one of those guys you need to spell things out for. Does he show his appreciation in the little ways? Making coffee? Cooking dinner if you've had a long day? Checking in by text?

  
  

  I just had a long discussion with my husband about this last night since we're on different schedules and have to plan date nights 8 weeks out. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't understand anniversaries? It seems like he clearly doesn't know how important they are to you, perhaps your birthday too. Many families don't make a big deal of birthdays, so he might feel like he doesn't have to do anything. While it sucks all the fun out, you have to be up front as PP's have said and spell out exactly what you want and why it's so important.

  
  

  In the meantime, pick a date, a random date that's not special and plan something, dinner/movies/mini-golf, whatever you like to do. You have to take some initiative too. Once you get into a date night groove he might start to plan something.

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• Erikan73 member

  

  June 2015

  Another vote that you need to let him know that anniversaries are important to you. Men aren't mind readers and for most guys, it's another day. And in regards to your birthday, if you want him to plan something, then you need to let him know. At this point, he's use to you planning things you want to do, so he probably doesn't even think of putting any effort into it. It's best if you put this out there now and see if he makes any changes in his behavior after you tell him what's important to you. If he doesn't change and it's an issue for you, you need to decide, is this an issue I can live with or not. I know you said he's only a boyfriend right now, but thinking into the future, however he behaves before you say I do, is how he will likely to continue to behave after saying I do. You don't want this to become an issue that you fight over in the future. Again, men aren't mind readers and sometimes need us to tell them what is wrong and what is important to us.

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• GilliC member

  

  June 2015

  As much as the entertainment industry would like us to believe, those sweeping romantic gestures aren't all that common. Especially after years of being together, when the well of great ideas might be running dry.

  
  

  Scale back your expectations, and offer suggestions. It's not as romantic, but it can be sustainable and fulfilling.

  

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  Everything I see screams "My BF is not making the effort to make me happy and if I want something, I have to plan it!": 
  
  

  So my boyfriend and I have been together for four years as of yesterday and he didn't bother to plan anything for our anniversary. I understand I could've planned it but I wanted it to be important enough that he would plan it. I bought him tickets to a game and made him a jar full of 365 memories and things I love about him, I also got him his favorite junk food and made sure that we had time in the bedroom that I knew he would be looking forward to. But, he didn't do anything. He said we can go to dinner tonight but he just thought we would stay in last night and do something small tonight. It wouldn't be a big deal if I got the romance and attention at other times, but I don't. We don't celebrate Valentine's day, so he gets off easy there. We go to dinner for my birthday and if we do anything special on my birthday its because I set it up. I'm always coming up with creative things that I know he will love, but I'm starting to wonder if I should stop. I'm starting to wonder if he thinks it's worth celebrating at all. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings but we don't ever go on dates or anything, I just think this is the one day of the year I can expect him to make some effort to celebrate the occasion. Thoughts?

  Everybody  has missed  the OP's real problem:
  
  What exactly is in this for HER???
  
  What is he bringing to her table? They don't go out on dates??? What's going on here?
  
  I don't think this "relationship" bodes well for the OP. I think she should say goodbye to this stiff who doesn't believe in celebrating anything....and find a boyfriend who'll celebrate anything and everything that happens.
  
  Worried about hurting HIS feelings?
  
  He sure isn't worried about whether or not she is happy.
  
  He is lazy, doesn't care about his gf's happiness, unmotivated, doesn't pitch in when
  he is supposed to and he won't even bother taking her out on a date. What good is he, really?
  
  OP:
  
  Set your sight much higher than this stiff. You deserve much better than this. GL.
  Say goodbye to him now and, like I said, find a guy who is thrilled to celebrate anything and everything with you!
  

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