Hard Questions

jjbmstinco · July 2015

Can you be part of a organization without supporting its views?

Backstory: I just recently joined a church 6 months ago. Everyone has been friendly and welcoming. I don't feel judged when I miss a Sunday. It is different than the church I grew up in, but nothing that is bad. Well today, the pastor announces that he will not perform gay marriages. This is not something that I believe. I was taught and still believe that in this world, it is hard enough to find true love. If you can find it with someone of the same sex, then you hold on to it. I know that many disagree with me. I am not asking you to state your opinion on gay marriage, of course if you want, feel free. Can I stay at this church even though I do not agree with that decision. As many of you know, I live in a small rural town full of people of lower SES. We don't agree when a lot of people's political views here. Does that mean we move? I have several friends with opposing views. Does that mean I drop friends because we don't agree? Those questions seem to be easier to answer than the one above.

Thoughts?

TaraW1979 · July 2015

I say that if you are happy attending that church and this is the only issue you have come across thus far, I say you should still attend. However, if it really upsets you to the point that you can't focus on the service, I would no longer attend.

ImperiumWife · July 2015

I think that's a question that you have to decide for yourself. I think that someone can be a part of an organization that they don't support the views of- for example, I would never think of not being a part of boy scouts for my son, or not supporting my local troops because of their views- but that's not something that everyone would agree with me on.

I too am part of a small town with a lot of people that don't share my political views. I have a lot of friends and relatives that don't either.

The question is, how much does it matter to you? Or is there something you can do in the community to counteract the church's views, so that you feel better about supporting those who do want to get married?

I also think that a church isn't necessarily about your religious beliefs. I think it is about having a community to support you. Sometimes having that community is more important, especially since you live in a town away from most of your families.

And I'll still go back to my original marriage opinion. I don't think that a church has to marry anyone. I don't think they should marry straight couples that don't believe in that religion. I wish that people didn't apply for marriage licences, but for a license of another term. Having a religious marriage, and having a legal marriage are two completely separate things, and no one should have a say about everyone having the same legal rights.

The things to think about though- Would you be comfortable in this church if your daughter was gay, and how would the church react to someone being gay in the congregation. I think those are the more important things to look at, rather than whether or not they perform the marriages.

I hope that all made sense, because I can't think in a straight line sometimes.

jjbmstinco · July 2015

I think that what I am struggling with is that whatever you believe is one thing, but this is taking away someone's rights. They have said that they are welcome in our church, but they cannot marry here. To me, that is like saying, you may enter the church but you are not good enough to sit down. I feel like I am a pretty open minded person but I get frustrated when I see others oppressed.

ImperiumWife · July 2015

I hear you on that. I married into a catholic family, and I hate the idea that I can go to mass with them, but can't fully participate. I understand the beliefs, but I still don't like it. It's one of the few reasons I am not ready to convert.

But I think that's your reasoning then. If you feel that strongly, you won't feel comfortable there. And that's fine. There is no law that says you have to stay there.

Am12712 · July 2015

Neither DH or I are religious, we don't attend church although we both have on and off while growing up.

Marriage equality/LBGT rights are something that I feel very strongly about. If it were me, I wouldn't be going back. I completely understand that some may think that's a bit extreme but that's the stubborn side of me. Not to say that I feel people have to agree with my position on everything or we can't be friends. That is not the case at all. I feel everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and those beliefs do not make anyone less of a person.

It sounds like you're in a tough spot.

I definitely think it's a personal decision and the whole picture needs to be looked at.... the community church provides, etc.

Penguin129 · July 2015

I think others have already given you great advice. I really have nothing to add. When we went to church the day after the ruling passed they said something about "saddened by what happened yesterday". It really rubbed me the wrong way that it was worded in such a way. We will be going back though.

shellyamf · July 2015

I agree that great advice has been offered. Personally, I would have to make the decision on how comfortable I still felt there. Growing up in the Catholic church, it bothered me how intolerant they are of others. Like Alyssa pointed out, she can attend mass but not fully participate. After going to college, I left the Catholic church. DH and I are not religious people. We each have our own views. But there are times I miss the community that a church can provide.

Hugs!

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