Issue regarding family vacation

catmiss9 · July 2015

Hi All,
So my ILs have "invited" DH, child and myself on vacation next year to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Initially, they said they would pay for airfare and hotel for everyone. Then they told DH that they would only be paying for themselves, SIL, SILs kids and SILs grandchildren and not us since we "have money." DH and I both work and because of choices we've made, we are better off than SIL and her family are. If I was going to take a vacation with DH and son, I'd choose another place. I get that it's a 50th, but I'm also kind of put off by the financial favoritism. I told DH it's up to him since these are his parents. Forgive me, but I'm irked. What would you do?

englishtrish1 · July 2015

It's up to the ILs how they spend their money, it sucks but it's their choice. I would probably still go but I would choose my own hotel etc.

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Man that sucks. I guess it depends on whether or not I would go or not. Would you be gone for a few days or for a week ? Would going on this trip mean you can't go on another vacation ? Do you like the location ?

catmiss9 · July 2015

It would be a 4 night trip to Vegas and I'd rather use the money to go to Disney or Universal since DS is 8 y/o. Because it's airfare and hotel.

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Ha Ha. You know what, I am going through something eerily similar. My parent's 40th anniversary is next year and my sister wants to go somewhere to celebrate as a family. We were planning on going to Universal fall of 2016 anyways, so I said " Well maybe we could go to Orlando ?" That wasn't what she had in mind. She wants us all to rent a beach house in Destin. That sounds...ok I guess, just not how I want to spend our vacation time / money. I know this will make me a huge weirdo, but I'm just not a beach person. So now my husband and I are thinking about sucking it up and dealing with it or bowing out or coming up with a third option.

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Ok, I just read some of your other posts about your ILs and now I don't think you should go. It sounds like your invite to vegas was done more out of obligation and not because they enjoy your company. That is probably why they aren't helping financially and why they chose a place like vegas when you have an 8 year old. They really don't care if you show up or not.

catmiss9 · July 2015

Thanks for your input. That's what I was thinking, too. But I am going to leave the final decision up to DH.

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Well if you do go, don't go with high expectations of spending time together. If other children besides your son go, then you guys might be the group's babysitters.

Öh and since you guys " have money " don't be surprised if they expect you to pay for people's food or tickets to attractions.

R.Wilsonny · July 2015

catmiss9 said:

Thanks for your input. That's what I was thinking, too. But I am going to leave the final decision up to DH.

I personally wouldn't leave the final decision up to your H. Why? Because you have a say in this too, regardless of whose parents it is. Not only that, it is going to cost you money - money that you guys could be spending doing something you actually want to do, not something you feel you have to out of obligation. And finally, it is going to cost you time. Assuming that you guys both work (not sure what your situation is) - that is vacation time that you most likely will have to take for this trip. So if you are limited with the amount of vacation time you get, that would be really crap if you had to waste it on a trip that you aren't too thrilled to go on, and then leaving you with little or no time to vacation somewhere that you really want to go to.

catmiss9 · July 2015

My parents also invited us on a trip to celebrate their 50th. My brother's family will be there. It's within driving distance and an extended weekend. We're attending that one. So I just want to be fair to DH and respectful of his relationship with his parents.

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Yeah, R. Wilsonny just said what I was thinking. You have a say in this too.

R.Wilsonny · July 2015

catmiss9 said:

My parents also invited us on a trip to celebrate their 50th. My brother's family will be there. It's within driving distance and an extended weekend. We're attending that one. So I just want to be fair to DH and respectful of his relationship with his parents.

Fair doesn't always mean equal. Ultimately, you guys have to do what works best for you. If people want to get butt hurt over it, that's their problem, not yours. Look, I get it - it's a milestone anniversary, but it is THEIR anniversary, not yours. So look at it from that perspective too. Get them something nice as a gift if you want. Or maybe take them out to a nice fancy dinner. Tell them that going on this trip doesn't work for you but that you still would like to do something nice for them.

And btw, I was recently in Vegas. It's cool and all if you're into that sort of thing, but I don't really see how this is a place for kids. Sure, there were kids there, but it's more of a playground for grownups. If you do happen to go though, there's an awesome tapas restaurant in the Aria hotel that I highly recommend

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

could you maybe give them a visa cash card and say " Hey, one dinner is on us while you are out there ?"

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

I just have a feeling you guys will be disappointed if you went out there. We went out there 10 years ago for our honeymoon and while it was fun, it is no place for children.

dutchgirl76 · July 2015

I was going to say I don't see how it's good for children. Do the IL's have a plan for a fancy dinner or something to accommodate your son? 4 days is a long time when you work FT (I"m assuming this isn't going to be over a holiday when you may have built in vacation time), the only thing I could maybe suggest is adding some time to go to Disney Land but that's in a different state and that will add more time and money.

Personally I agree with PP's that you shouldn't have to go on a trip for their 50th, I don't see why a party at a nice restaurant or hotel wouldn't suffice if no one else lives in Vegas. Talk to your husband about the cost, make sure he gets ALL of the details including your IL's expectations of outings, dinners, shows anything that they're assuming you're going to do as a group as that will add an even bigger cost. It's wise to also confirm your son's old enough to go to these venues since it's Vegas and I'm guessing a lot of places are 21+. Perhaps that will be the tipping point not to go?

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

We went to Vegas in 2004 and it might be different now, but I remember walking down the strip and people would try to give flyers or cards for escort services to my husband. There were cards and flyers of topless women all over the sidewalk.

R.Wilsonny · July 2015

Disneygeek77 said:

We went to Vegas in 2004 and it might be different now, but I remember walking down the strip and people would try to give flyers or cards for escort services to my husband. There were cards and flyers of topless women all over the sidewalk.

It's still exactly the same as you remember it. I was just there a few weeks ago for an event that my hubby was djing at and that's basically it. And gambling. And junkies. And drunk people. Some great restaurants in the hotels though. I'd go back just for the tapas place we ate at...best sangria I've had since leaving Spain

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Man, those people were pushy too. Oh and the timeshare people.

We just walked around them as best we could but the sidewalks were still littered with pics of topless women.

R.Wilsonny · July 2015

Disneygeek77 said:

Man, those people were pushy too. Oh and the timeshare people.

We just walked around them as best we could but the sidewalks were still littered with pics of topless women.

omfg! The time share people were the absolute worst. So annoying! And RUDE. One of them that was operating in our hotel lobby was the biggest asshole to us after we told him we weren't interested because 1 - we had no time as we were there for the event my hubby was djing at and 2 - we simply weren't interested.

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

We were dumb enough to go to a presentation because we wanted free tickets to a show and it was terrible. So much pressure to buy.

KyraNerys · July 2015

Family. I swear!

Vegas is great with a kid, but you have to adjust your schedule. If you keep your Strip excursions to during the day, hit the pool in the morning before the drunks come in the afternoon, and get yourself a rental car to go off Strip, it can be a fun time. We love Red Rock Canyon. Hoover Dam was cool. The Titanic exhibit at the Luxor was good. NYNY roller coaster is terrible, though. And I love roller coasters. Excalibur has a fun arcade. The Gondola Ride at the Venetian is something else to do. And if your kid likes to eat, Vegas is da bomb.

My in laws live in Florida and think we should spend every vacation with them! Ugh. We have to lie about where we're going!

You'll probably end up doing what I'd do. Fume internally and go anyway to keep the peace and have yet another piece of conversation fodder with your friends!

Xstatic3333 · July 2015

In case it affects anything....

I went to Vegas as a kid and actually had a blast. My dad was there for a conference, and my mom found so much kid-friendly stuff for us to do. Dolphins at the mirage, kid-friendly shows, etc. we're plentiful. Hours were enjoyed just at the hotel pool. We also did a couple of yours out into the desert to see wild burros and Native American relics. That was probably my favorite part! I don't recall seeing anything that led to tough questions. I totally don't blame you if you don't decide to go, but if you do it could be ok.

amhill87 · July 2015

I have been to Vegas about half a dozen times all under legal age for anything really fun. I did enjoy myself. There is an indoor amusement park in Circus Circus, and you can do an all day pass there for like $20 (I think but this was a while ago).

Erikan73 · July 2015

I get the frustration, they said they are going to pay & now they aren't. That's not cool, no matter what the situation is. I would be torn about going or not going. Part of me is like don't go just to spite them. But the other part is, it is their 50th anniversary and it's going to be a big family event. But in the end, it's your and DH call.

VOR · July 2015

R.Wilsonny said:

catmiss9 said:

My parents also invited us on a trip to celebrate their 50th. My brother's family will be there. It's within driving distance and an extended weekend. We're attending that one. So I just want to be fair to DH and respectful of his relationship with his parents.

Fair doesn't always mean equal. Ultimately, you guys have to do what works best for you. If people want to get butt hurt over it, that's their problem, not yours. Look, I get it - it's a milestone anniversary, but it is THEIR anniversary, not yours. So look at it from that perspective too. Get them something nice as a gift if you want. Or maybe take them out to a nice fancy dinner. Tell them that going on this trip doesn't work for you but that you still would like to do something nice for them.

So much this. As far as being "fair" goes, your parents anniversary is a local event that you can go to for just a day. his parents involves a LOT more. You can still celebrate their anniversary "fairly" but w/o going to Vegas.

Issue regarding family vacation

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