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2 showers, same day, different states

Hi ladies,

I'm not sure if this is the right board, and it's hopefully really silly so please bear with me. I've been invited to 2 different showers on the same day, in different states. 1 wedding shower (A) is from 10am to 2pm and the other is a baby shower (B) from 1pm to 4pm, with 90 miles in between. In my area that means at least 1.5 hours to get from A to B if traffic cooperates. We received the invitation for shower B first. Both of these showers are for my husband's family, 1 is his aunt's daughter (first marriage), the 2nd is for his cousin (1st baby.) Normally I would probably just skip shower A since we got B's invitation first, however we can't make the wedding in Sept because we'll be away on vacation (out of state.) I feel guilty missing shower A since we never see his aunt or cousin (Aunt lives over an hour away in one direction, her daughter's over an hour away in the other direction and neither of them drive too far. To make both happen I'd probably have to leave shower A early just to arrive late at shower B which seems rude to both groups. Long story short, as long as I send a gift to 1 of these ladies am I ok to miss the shower without guilt? I would hope the family would understand we were invited to a different shower before we got the other invitation.

Thanks for your help.

Re: 2 showers, same day, different states

  • Have you already accepted the invitation to Shower B?  If so, than that is the one you need to go to.  If not, and you would prefer to go to Shower A for the reasons you listed, than accept that invitation and send a gift to Shower B.

    I personally would never try to go to both showers, unless one of them was already close to my home.  Otherwise, I'd just be on the road driving half the day.

    But, if you feel differently and don't mind the drive, I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving Shower A early and arriving to Shower B late.  I'd just explain it to both hostesses ahead of time.  For example, one of my wedding guests came over to me halfway through the reception and gracefully made their exit because their daughter's birthday (adult) was that day and she was having a party.  Not a big deal, I was just thrilled they had come.

  • Thanks for your help! I haven't responded to either shower yet, the deadline is fast approaching and I know I'm being rude waiting either way. Worst part is, shower A is one of the few remaining traditional ladies only showers, so I can't send my husband in my place. They're very nice people, but I think I'm OK missing it, if we were able to go to the wedding I would have just said no right away due to the original shower and the timing. Other than the bride to be, her mom (the aunt) sister and grandmother I don't think I'll know many folks at shower A either, but it's more about going to support the bride than socializing. If this shower goes anything like mine did, I won't even see any of the ladies I know for more than a few minutes since the MOB and sister usually play a big role in hosting the event.
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Please remember - it's an INVITATION, not a subpoena.  If you can't go, it's really not that big of a deal!  Figure out which shower you'd rather go to/ works out better for you and RSVP appropriately.  There is NO need to go to both. 

    And I really don't think it's a big deal to miss the shower AND the wedding.  I can guarantee you that the bride probably isn't all THAT concerned about specifics like this.
  • I know it's not mandatory to attend either or both events, I just feel bad since it's family. Plus it sucks to bump a friend's invitation because you have to include family members on a restricted budget. My husband didn't know this side of the family growing up either, so it would be nice to share a wedding with this family now that he could. Two different, unrelated families can't plan their showers around each other, nor can you help timing unless both arrive on the same day. I think I feel more guilty that the Aunt, Uncle and Grandmother won't see us. I understand the bride will be so busy with her sibling and friends that she might not notice I wasn't there. Hopefully the gift at a different time will be a nice treat.

    I just want to know that other people miss events if there's a big enough conflict such as distance or 1 invitation arrived before the other. I've been lucky (?) enough to not have to go to a lot of baby/wedding showers and weddings as I have a tiny family and a lot of unmarried friends. Without the experience I don't understand the etiquette as much. Thank you for your advice.
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