An on-going / off relationship

Re: An on-going / off relationship

• Disneygeek77 member

  

  July 2015

  EEEEEEE, well I hate to say it buddy, but you need to get your head out of the sand when it comes to this woman.  She willingly had an affair with a married man and it sounds like she doesn't have true remorse about it either because she still feels sorry and " hurts" for him.  That doesn't speak much to her character either.  You can make excuses for her all you want to, but I don't see a happy and healthy future here.  

  
  

  If you truly want stability, security and true love then I say you wash your hands of this woman and let her go.  IF you want to be with someone with strong character and one that sees you as an equal as a team mate and as a partner, then you need to move on from this one.  However, if you are one of those poor souls that thinks that drama and anxiety is somehow romantic and exciting, then yeah waste you life away with this one.  If you somehow think you are going to fix her or be her knight in shining armor who comes in and rescues her for which she will be forever grateful, you are sadly mistaken.  Just let this one go.  

  
  

  Also please understand, I am not saying this to be mean or cruel.  I also understand this isn't what you want to hear as your focus is on the other guy.  However, I am giving you the same advice I gave a friend that was in a similar situation.  So please hear me when I say let this one go.  Your wasting your life away with her.  This isn't the kind of person you build a life or a future with.  

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Chefshawn said:

  I'm new at this opening up to the world as it may be. I have been seeing a woman off and on for a year now. I'm a 48 yr old male and she's 35. 3 months into seeing her, I was informed of another guy that she meant thru work who cheated was cheating on his wife to be with her.

  
  

  
  

  My honest opinion?
  
  Say goodbye to her, based on this.
  
  He is dishonest -- she admires that in a guy, obviously, so her standards have to suck and suck bad --- and any analyst will tell you that a woman or man that pursues a "Taken" partner (somebody who' got a wife, a SO, etc) does not really want a serious relationship that leads to marriage; the cheaters and cheatees are not into serious relationships.. They do not want grown up responsibility of it.

  
  

  
  

  This fling she had with him has been rocky, unstable and unfaithful over all.
  
  Isn't that just too sad for her. ha. Brings a tear to your eye.
  
  She allowed me into her life as it may be and swept her off her feet within 3-5 months time. She is also a weak and vulnerable woman.

  
  

  Weak and vulnerable?
  
  Why do you want somebody like this, might I ask of you?

  
  

  
  

  I saw this in her and built her back up to accept a simple compliment of telling her that she's "beautiful" .

  
  

  So? What are you, her boyfriend or analyst?
  
  Stop seeing her. Who needs somebody with obvious character flaws..and who wants a woman who cheats with a married man??? 

  
  

  This other guy is 29 yrs old, a self centered, very arrogant and lacks a lot of good morals. Because they work in the same office, (set apart from one another) he holds a guilt trip over her for many reasons one mostly being " I got a divorce to be for you .."  

  
  

  To drop the bombshell on you: You are now an enabler, not her boyfriend.
  
  What the heck are you??? Their life coach????
  
  Leave her, based on the fact she's with a married man.

  
  

  
  

  Thats one of the oldest lame trips you can hold over anyone who doesn't want to be with especially a woman. Very demoralizing to her character and a complete mind game. We spent this last friday night together when she came to my house. Yes kids, Sex was involved. She wants to be with me but feels sorry and hurt for him. His character is one of that with sit and sulk a lot, refuses to help her with office work to get the job done. Basically being an immature baby who isn't getting his way.

  
  

  
  

   I do love her and trying my best to make her see the truth. Once a lying cheater, he will always will be one.

  
  

  Well, so is SHE!!
  
  She was not honest with you ; you had to find it out for yourself that some married guy was doing her! is this really what you want????

  
  

  How can I prove to her and make her realize that he isn't faithful. His character is all about him, what he can obtain regardless who else it hurts along his path. He's an over controlling, manipulative selfish person. Its all about him or nothing...  I'm lost here... 

  
  

  You LOST here, not are LOST here.
  
  What I suggest for you:
  
  A counselor -- to find out why you admire this type of woman and a counselor to break you of the habit pronto of becoming an enabler in a codependency. This is NOT a healthy relationship that you have with women.
  
  She stinks on ice. With a married man? Don't ask me what I really think of that.
  
  And you might do to get yorurself to a clinic to get tested. She's sleeping with him, and with you and who knows who this paramour of hers has been sleeping with, to boot. When you have sex with one person, you are also having sex with everyone they have been with. Think about that.
  
  End it with her, pronto: she is not true to you.
  
  Raise the bar with the women you seek. you are not aiming high enough. And something a lot higher on the foodchain than this strumpet will do.
  
  GL. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Disneygeek77 member

  

  July 2015

  Yes, Tarp is right.  Tomorrow make an appointment with the Dr to get checked for STDs because deep down you truly have no idea who she has been with and who that person has been with.  Your health and your future aren't something you gamble with or hope for the best.  You must know if she has exposed you to anything deadly because the sooner you seek treatment, the better your chances are.  Besides, if she does choose the other guy over you, how would you feel if you gave a future girlfriend or wife and STD, so please please get tested.  

  
  

  
  

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• VOR member

  

  July 2015

  Yeah.  I'm 100% with Disney on this one.  You are making excuses for her and trying to make the other guy out to be the bad guy, but she doesn't seem all that upstanding herself. 
  
  And/plus/also, these few tidbits:
  
  swept her off her feet within 3-5 months time.
  
  She is also a weak and vulnerable woman. I saw this in her and built her back up to accept a simple compliment of telling her that she's "beautiful" .
  
   trying my best to make her see the truth.
  
  You seem to want to be the knight in shining armor here.  You seem to want a project that you need to 'fix'.  Good, solid relationships are NOT based on having to fix someone.  Trust. 
  
  You want to be THE MAN who saves her from herself and turns her into someone else. 
  
  All I can say is "good luck".  Because this has disaster written all over it.
  

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• Disneygeek77 member

  

  July 2015

  " I was informed of another guy that she meant thru work who cheated was cheating on his wife to be with her. "

  
  

  Did this sentence bother anyone else ?  Most people would say she had an affair with a married man or she cheated, but the way the OP worded this goes back to what Tarpon was saying about enabling and co-dependency.  

  
  

  But yeah, I am also getting a knight in shining armor looking for a damsel in distress situation here.  My FIL is like that.  He never wanted an equal or a partner, he wanted someone who would forever be grateful for " saving " her and in return would be his servant and idolize him.  I know when my friend got a divorce and was a single mom, I told her to be on the lookout for knights in shining armor.

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