Raising kids away from their grandparents

Re: Raising kids away from their grandparents

• Disneygeek77 member

  

  August 2015

  Would either set of grandparents be willing to move to your new location ?

  
  

  Could you make it a priority to visit once a year ?

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• Disneygeek77 member

  

  August 2015

  When I was a child, my family moved away from my birthplace and my parents hometown ( St. Louis to Phoenix).  I had a wonderful childhood in Phoenix.  I remember extended family coming to visit about once a year and I also remember going back to St. Louis a few times too.  I don't really remember missing out and again had a great childhood.

  
  

  Surprisingly enough, we actually did move back to St. Louis 8 years later to be closer to family.  Even though we did see them more, it isn't all that much either.  Sometimes if  wonder if it was worth it.

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• kmdeck26 member

  

  August 2015

  Thanks Disneygeek, I am grateful for the view from the kid's perspective. Grandparents moving with us wouldn't be an option for us. 

  
  

  Did your grandparents seem alright with the distance? Did your mom ever wish she had your grandparents closer for help?

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• Erikan73 member

  

  August 2015

  I grew up without my grandparents, my parents immigrated from Germany shortly after they got married. My grandparents would visit every few years, more often when I was very young because it was more affordable, but to be honest I don't have memories of those. We kept in touch with the grandparents through letters (no email back then).

  Now my mother went through a similar situation, my sister lived out of state and she has two daughters, and now two grand-daughters. They live about 12 hours away. Before retiring my parents would make a trip to see them every 2-3 years (due to costs). But she talked to my sister weekly and they would update each other on stuff. Now that they are retired, my parents see the grandkids and great grandkids once a year usually. My parents are on facebook for the sole purpose of seeing what the grandkids (who are now adults) are up to.

  If you keep the lines of communication open, I think it makes it easier. And now with email, facebook and skype, it's so much easier to have a long distance relationship then it was in the past.

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• BlueBirdMB member

  

  August 2015

  I grew up away from my grandparents.  I don't remember it negatively influencing me at all.

  
  

  The only thing my mom brings up sometimes is this: not living near family can make it more difficult to raise a child.  Having that help from family is nice sometimes.  It's certainly not necessary, but it does make things a little easier. 

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• beachrunner5 member

  

  October 2015

  I grew up away from my grandparents too.  But I do remember spending a few summers with them (I think mostly to give my mother a break!).

  
  

  I'm now in my 40's and still call my grandma everyday, and visit her as often as I can.  I know my sister calls grandma weekly and visits with her whole brood at least once a year.

  
  

  My children have grown up in the same town as my parents, but they don't visit each other, EVER.  We just let that go.

  
  

  My sister and I have raised our children in completely different parts of the country.  Other then not being there to help with errands and babysitting, we are still there for each other's kids and needs - and the kids know that (unreadable emoji text messages as proof)!  We visit each other for at least a week a few times a year.... sometimes it's just to babysit my nephews so they can go on a romantic sex-away.... er get-away.  I send my nephews cards for every holiday, and silly cards randomly just for the heck of it... cards filled with stickers, cut up paper dots that make huge messes, etc... 
  

  
  

  This is all to say, that you need to let go of what it needs to look like, and focus on the connections.  If you put time into maintaining a relationship between your parents and children, then it will always be there.  And Vice-Versa.
  

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• dutchgirl76 member

  

  October 2015

  You have to do what's right for you guys and your marriage. I grew up away from my only living set of grandparents and I was fine. To be fair my grandmother didn't want much to do with us, but I remember my neighbor would visit her grandparents in MI at least twice a year. I was jealous that she got to fly to see them and spend a vacation away with them.

  
  

  I don't want you guys to miss out on jobs, culture or whatever just so that you have the opportunity to have family close by. Unless either set of grandparents are planning on watching the child on a regular basis remember that you might not see them regularly if you live right down the road.

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• TarponMonoxide member

  

  October 2015

  kmdeck26 said:

  It is my husbands (and sort of my) dream to experience living somewhere away from our hometown, whether that be in a different state or even in a different country. I love the idea of experiencing a new culture and environment. My concern, however, is leaving my family. I understand that once we got married, my husband and I created our own family and we need to experience things on our own, but I worry most about when we have kids (we plan to in the next few years). My mom will have a hard enough time being away from me, but I think it would devastate her to be so far away from her grandchildren. And I want very much for my kids to be able to grow up with their grandparents near to them. At the same time, it would be such an incredible experience for myself and my children to live in other environments

  
  

  I am extremely torn and wonder who else has had this experience and how you handled it.

  I agree:
  
  Visit at least once a year! Christmas holiday is the best time to go -- so is a winter break if the weather by you or by your mother isn't hell on wheels.
  
  There is Skype, email, a family webpage, phone ---- find a way to "be there" with your mother every day...
  
  And this is a great opportunity for the kids!  I guess I am old school but if the kids are old enough to write, maybe they can send your mother a letter once a week, telling Grandma what's new in their lives.:)
  
  Your mother can write back.:)  I think this would be a great keepsake and learning experience for your kids .
  
  I am from the generation where grandparents still lived with the kids and their parents.  Things change...follow your dreams and keep in touch with your mother.:)
  

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