Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Funeral advice
I will try to keep this long story as short as possible... First, some background
My father and step-mother have recently gotten into an explosive fight that has progressed to the point where she has removed our last name from her's. I do not wish to divulge the details, but this is the most serious argument that they have been in yet. To be 100% honest, I do not know how (or if) this one will be resolved. My father has been, more or less, excommunicated from her side of the family, although my sister and I have not. Even though we are still technically alright with everybody, there is some awkwardness, I feel.
Here comes my question:
My step-uncle, my step-mother's brother-in-law, has died recently, and his funeral service is tomorrow. I went to the visitation today, and was greeted by those there that I knew, but I feel like all of the smiles were forced and all of the greetings were uncomfortable. My dad was obviously not there, and my sister lives over 100 miles away, so she could not make it. In summary, it was uncomfortable for me, and I feel like it was uncomfortable for everybody else. My question is "Should I be in attendance at the funeral service tomorrow?"
I feel bad if I do not go, because it is still technically a family member's funeral, even if he is removed quite a ways. At the same time, I do not want to be uncomfortable throughout the entire service and make everybody else uncomfortable as well. I really don't know how to ask anybody in the family "Hey, should I be at the funeral tomorrow?", and I am hesitant to do so, mainly because that sounds absolutely awful to ask.
What would you do in this situation? I feel like there is no winning. Also, I mentioned to my professors that I would be gone for part of tomorrow for my uncle's funeral. How do I just show up to class after having said that if it is recommended that I do not go? I am close with most of my professors, but I don't know how to say "Yeah, so my step-mother and father and fighting like cats and dogs and the funeral would have been awkward to go to."
Thank you for reading everything.
My father and step-mother have recently gotten into an explosive fight that has progressed to the point where she has removed our last name from her's. I do not wish to divulge the details, but this is the most serious argument that they have been in yet. To be 100% honest, I do not know how (or if) this one will be resolved. My father has been, more or less, excommunicated from her side of the family, although my sister and I have not. Even though we are still technically alright with everybody, there is some awkwardness, I feel.
Here comes my question:
My step-uncle, my step-mother's brother-in-law, has died recently, and his funeral service is tomorrow. I went to the visitation today, and was greeted by those there that I knew, but I feel like all of the smiles were forced and all of the greetings were uncomfortable. My dad was obviously not there, and my sister lives over 100 miles away, so she could not make it. In summary, it was uncomfortable for me, and I feel like it was uncomfortable for everybody else. My question is "Should I be in attendance at the funeral service tomorrow?"
I feel bad if I do not go, because it is still technically a family member's funeral, even if he is removed quite a ways. At the same time, I do not want to be uncomfortable throughout the entire service and make everybody else uncomfortable as well. I really don't know how to ask anybody in the family "Hey, should I be at the funeral tomorrow?", and I am hesitant to do so, mainly because that sounds absolutely awful to ask.
What would you do in this situation? I feel like there is no winning. Also, I mentioned to my professors that I would be gone for part of tomorrow for my uncle's funeral. How do I just show up to class after having said that if it is recommended that I do not go? I am close with most of my professors, but I don't know how to say "Yeah, so my step-mother and father and fighting like cats and dogs and the funeral would have been awkward to go to."
Thank you for reading everything.
Re: Funeral advice
1- you went to the visitation. That's really enough for someone who is so removed from you. Really, it is. Regardless of everything else, that's enough.
2- be careful about making this about you. You were at a viewing for someone who DIED. Of course people aren't going to be incredibly joyful or happy. it's a SAD occasion. Smiles tend to be forced at occasions like this.
I really, really doubt YOUR presence alone is going to make people all that uncomfortable. I don't mean to be rude here, but really... you're turning a FUNERAL, someone's death, into something that's about you. I doubt you have THAT much power in these people's lives.