Stressed and broke :(

vwhitney2107 · September 2015

Ok, I'm new here and have never posted on the nest before but I'm just so stressed out right now and I just need to vent. And I'm not looking for sugar coated suggestions or anything...I just need some real life advice.

So I am a stay at home mom and have two boys, ages 9 and 2. I have also gone to school part time for the last 3 years getting my pre-reqs done for nursing school and will be applying to nursing programs this fall. My husband (our only income) was let go from his job last week! We were already living paycheck to paycheck and unemployment alone won't even cover our bills.

We are trying to stay positive and my husband has been on the computer and on the phone every single day looking for another job but I'm so worried that he won't find one soon and we will have to skip paying on some of our bills. I have already started calling around and we can do some loan modifications on our car loans but on top of the bills, our insurance runs out at the end of the month and there's no way we can afford cobra. And I have more school payments and application fees coming up. I told my husband I would get a part time job and my in laws could watch the boys but he doesn't agree with me and keeps telling me it's fine and he will figure something out.

Plus...not to sound cruel because I do love my husband so much, but I had a routine down for during the day and having him home all day long just throws it all off...he's on the computer all day and I can't do my school work or work on nursing applications...I can adapt and get used to it if that's our new normal but it has just really put me in a funky mood on top of everything else! Ugh, I'm just stressed and having anxiety and I am seriously trying so so hard to be supportive and helpful for my husband. Has anyone else been through this and do you have any suggestions on how to stay positive and not be so stressed?

als1982 · September 2015

Real life advice: That stress is telling you something. You are in trouble. You'll get through this, but you need to buckle down and start making better financial decisions today.

I get all the work associated with applying for and being in nursing school. But right now, your family needs you. Both you and your husband need to start looking for jobs, immediately. Now is a great time to start applying for seasonal retail positions, which can help you get by until you find something permanent.

Also, what can you sell? Are you a two car family? Do you have equity in one or both that you can sell to get rid of your car payment? Go through your house and find things that might be of value that you're no longer using. Gaming systems, old cell phones, electronics, jewelry (even gold or silver stuff that's broken), kitchen appliances, firearms, etc. and take them to a pawn shop to see what you can sell. Find some creative ways to bring in extra money. Deliver pizzas, babysit, find micro jobs on Gigwalk, Field Agent, Easy Shift, etc.

Cut expenses at home. You don't need and can't afford cable, smart phones, a gym membership, kids' activities, hair/nail services, etc. Post your budget here, and we can help you identify areas where you might be paying too much.

And once one of you finds full time employment, keep living like this until you have an emergency fund of 3-6 months expenses. Had you been prepared with an emergency fund, you wouldn't be experiencing the level of stress you are right now. It's going to be rough, but look at this as an opportunity to shift your family's financial future and shape your 9 year old's understanding of the importance of saving, living below your means, living debt free and amassing wealth.

englishtrish1 · September 2015

I would put off applying for nursing school for at least a year, plus I would be applying for every scholarship I could find to pay for it.
You need to cut every thing that is not essential from your budget and sell everything that you don't need/use.

I don't know where you live but I would start applying for Medicaid for the kids.

Your husband needs a reality check, jobs are not easy to come by, I don't know what he does but brace yourselves.

bparkhur · September 2015

If it were me, I'd sell anything I could to provide some sort of buffer until I received my first paycheck from the part-time job I would be desperately seeking out TODAY. I'd also say, "Wow! Good job, Honey! I'm so proud of you for taking such initiative! I can't wait to quit my part-time job once your new paychecks start rolling in!" As for your school work, can you get up early before your husband and do the work before he gets on? Can you go work at the public library since he's home and can keep an eye on the little one? I know you've developed a routine, but keep in mind that this is temporary! The more he's on the computer now, hopefully, the sooner he's back at work again!

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

It sounds like your H doesn't want you going back to work, but he needs to adjust his attitude there. It's great that you have the option of family care! Could you find work as a CNA/nurse's aid? Where I live they are in high demand, especially if you'll work in geriatrics. You could even work night shifts to keep some time with your kids.

For your H, hopefully his computer time is being spent applying for jobs. If not, that needs to be his main focus. Unemployment is mentally tough. My H went through a period of it for a while, and it's frustrating, but he can get through it if he keeps his head down and keeps applying. One thing I might share with him is that working part time between career jobs (even in retail, food service, etc.) is often viewed favorably by employers. In my state, you can work up to 20 hours and still maintain some unemployment benefits.

For healthcare, ditto Medicare for the kids, and look into ACA plans for you guys. I'd get at least a catastrophic plan, and would prioritize it over car payments.

Also ditto looking into selling a car to get rid of the payments.

Good luck. You can do this!

hoffse · September 2015

I agree your H needs to get over the notion of you getting a part-time job. You guys can't afford for you to stay home right now, and both of you need to do something to pull you through. The fact that you have built-in childcare is a huge bonus, and you guys absolutely need to take advantage of that until you find something full-time.

Another suggestion is look at working for Uber or Lyft. A lot of people make pretty good money driving, and the schedule is flexible.

I would also look into becoming a one-car family if you can make it work. Look for stuff you can sell. Don't save stuff because you "might use it someday," get on ebay and get going. My mom has started clearing their house via ebay and has made several thousand dollars just selling my old toys from when I was a kid. Turns out people will pay upwards of $50 for a my little pony from the 90's. It's ridiculous, but it's pretty low-hanging fruit.

Apply for unemployment ASAP to give you some buffer.

For health insurance, catastrophic plans are usually pretty cheap. Unless one of you has a known medical condition, look into getting one of these. Public clinics, etc. are cheap ways to get routine care for things like shots, etc., and a catastrophic plan will limit your exposure in the case of something like a car wreck.

As for your husband messing up your routine, I'm afraid you're going to need to suck it up and figure out a new routine. If you guys don't have enough savings to cover your upcoming bills, then you both need to be working together to figure out a way to close that income gap.

Please do post your budget here. We can almost always find a way to trim the fat from your budget. It won't be fun, but it's necessary. Please also include all debts with interest rates/balance and any sources of savings you have. The general value of major assets like cars, house, etc. is also helpful.

In the future - once you get through this - use this as motivation to save up a good emergency fund. You're learning the hard way how important they are, and they are ESPECIALLY important for single-income families.

formerlyGDaisy09 · September 2015

you're getting really great advice here.

I'd say first, put nursing school on the back burner, you'll get there, just not this year.

Second, your H will need to get over you not going back to work (does he have a problem with you working in general? is he going to be OK with you working once you're done nursing school?). look for seasonal positions, retailers are hiring.

For your H, see if he can look into temporary things too, just to be bringing something in while he looks for something permanent...places like FedEx and UPS hire seasonal workers for off shifts, sometimes they offer benefits, and he'd be free during most normal business hours for interviews etc.

Are you a two car family? do you own either one of them? or have equity in either? I get that with 2 kids and busy family stuff sometimes two cars are really necessary (and more so if you both have jobs or you're in school). consider selling one of them and using the cash to buy something that you'll own outright...or sell both and buy 2 cars with cash.

I totally get the whole routine thing, unfortunately there's nothing you can do about that one. your H's routine has been messed up too, so he's probably also trying to figure out a new normal.

Do look around your house and see if there is anything you can sell...kid clothes that don't fit any more and won't be useful as hand-me-downs, toys kids don't play with, anything that you have but don't use...it might also just feel good to clean house a bit!

besides that, post your budget, list interest rates and remaining balances on any debts. and values on assets like cars and your home.

brij2006 · September 2015

Alright, you said you want real life advice.....

First off, you worry about these top 3 things for now: Food, utilities, and house. Everything else comes behind that. Most important is keeping food on the table, the lights and water going, and then a roof over your head.

1. Quit school for now. Right now you can not afford classes, applications, etc.

2. Selling everything possible. Old clothes, kids' clothes and toys, games that are no longer used, pieces of furniture, downgrade vehicles, everything.

3. You both go out and search for jobs. Even if that means you take on an extra kid to watch inside your home or sell whatever skill/craft you have on Etsy, he mows lawns or does handy work to bring in income beyond unemployment.

Set up a budget. Sit down with your husband and ask yourselves, "how much do we need to be able to keep those top 3 items paid?" That is your first goal for now, to get those items paid.

As far as insurance, you can go onto the marketplace to get insurance since you lost it from a job loss. Since your income is significantly different, you may get a good amount of assistance for it, being a family of 4 living on unemployment.

short+sassy · September 2015

hoffse said:

For health insurance, catastrophic plans are usually pretty cheap. Unless one of you has a known medical condition, look into getting one of these. Public clinics, etc. are cheap ways to get routine care for things like shots, etc., and a catastrophic plan will limit your exposure in the case of something like a car wreck.

Although certainly not a replacement for a catastrophic medical plan, I know with my car insurance I have the medical option added. It basically covers any medical care that either I and/or my passengers would need in the case of a car accident. It's surprisingly substantial coverage, but only costs an extra $1-$2/month.

Your H needs to get over the thought of you working and needs to get over it NOW. You all can't afford for you to be a SAHM...sorry to be harsh, but if you all were living paycheck to paycheck when he was working, your family really couldn't afford for you to be a SAHM even then.

And, like the other PPs have said, you need to put off nursing school for now. There isn't money for that when you all are worried about even paying for necessities.

Other PPs have mentioned some ideas of flexible ways to earn extra money. I have three more...mystery shopping (MS), merchandising, sampling/demos. I've been an MS shopper for over 10 years. The best place to go to learn more about it is Volition.com. It's a free website with a huge forum along with a free list of most of the MS companies in the U.S./Canada. It is always free to sign up with a legit MS company and all the companies listed with Volition will be legit. Feel free to PM me if you look into and have questions/concerns.

Volition also has a forum for merchandising. Merchandising is basically going into stores and setting up/stocking displays. They can be short-term gigs or ongoing p/t assignments. Most companies who schedule merchandising gigs also handle sampling/demo gigs.

Sampling, sampling, sampling!!! There are demo/sampling gigs all year long, but the sampling gigs are about to HEAT UP for the holiday season. Nov. and Dec. are the big months for sample tables in grocery stores and Sams/Costco type stores.

Good luck!

lbonga1 · September 2015

I agree with what others have posted. Since it hasn't been mentioned, look for the Social Services Agency location in your area. They're here for exactly these kinds of situations. They can help you get medical coverage for your family, food stamps, diapers, etc. There's usually other services to help you look for work too, like child care, and resume and interview training. Sometimes they can provide help with utilities and rent too. These are all things that taxes and donations pay into that help people in temporary emergency situations.

Erikan73 · September 2015

Another vote for trying to find a part time job that perhaps you can do while your boys are in school. Check with your local school districts for jobs for things like a cross guard, lunch aid, or teacher's aid. The hours for that would probably be in line with when your boys would be in school. Also check out retail stores and fast food places, basically places that employee a lot of high school and college kids. With them being back in school, they may be looking for morning help. When my mom needed to help bring in income, she got a job at a local McDonald's, the owner was brillant in my opinion. During the school year he would hire mom's to do the breakfast & lunch shift. By mid afternoon the high school kids would come in to take over dinner & closing. This allowed the moms to be home for when their kids got home. Then during spring, winter & summer breaks. He would let the mom's take off because the high school & college kids would want more hours. It was a win win & you had a lot of mom's who were able to earn some money while still taking care of their kids. Maybe you can find something like that until your husband gets back on his feet. Just remind him, this is just temporary to make sure you don't fall into a debt hole. And for him to consider this practice for when you do get your nursing degree and start working in that field.

vlagrl29 · September 2015

Cut everything not necessary and start a new budget now based on how much unemployment you guys will get. Regarding health insurance - you qualify for a life change with the market place so I would highly recommend you getting some quotes from them. My parents were able to get a bronze plan with blue cross - higher deductible - and didn't have to pay anything for it. If I were you I would also look for a part time job - income is needed now.

KatieCutie05 · September 2015

This is your chance to wake up and change the way you are doing things. If you were debt free and had an emergency fund this wouldn't feel like such an emergency. Now obviously that doesn't help you until you get an income again but the hardest times in our life have a good way of turning out to be the biggest blessings. So take this time to learn from your mistakes. I know thats how it was for us.

Right now your focus is keeping your family fed and clothed with a roof over their head with running water and electricity -everything else after that can wait if you don't have the money. Yes that means those credit cards probably arent getting paid (just dont use them!) Now obviously you need to have an income come in somehow and you getting a part time job would make a lot of sense atleast until your husband goes back to work (after all he is there to watch them). But past that you and your dh need to sit down and pour over the numbers. Figure out how you are going to use that unemployment check - how much are you going to spend on food and how far in the negative you are and what you can cut. Cancel cable or switch to a lower package if in a contract, look into selling a car for a cheaper one to get rid of a payment as well as any other junk you have laying around the house. cancel any unneccessary costs temporarily. do whatever you can to lower your monthly costs.You can't spend money you don't have.

MommyLiberty5013 · September 2015

Tell us your expenses and all your debt info (house, cars, CCs, student loans, etc..) with terms left, balances, payment amounts, and interest rates.

Stressed and broke :(

Re: Stressed and broke :(

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