Relationships
Pearlz&Curlz
newb
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is he a cheater?
I was recently snooping around (because I had a nagging feeling) on my long term partner's cell phone and found some messages between he and another woman. I confronted him about this and he told me that he did have a sexual relationship with her but it was before me and sexted her during a period of a few months that we were not together. I don't have any proof that what he says isn't true but he never told me about seeing her and I am most disturbed by a recent email he sent her. He apologized for "the way he left things" with her and said that he still thinks about her often and made a comment about how great their "physical" relationship was. He says he just wanted to give her some closure because he felt bad about the way he treated her. I feel it is very inappropriate that he contacted her after not talking to her for almost two years and that he felt the need to tell her he thinks about her and remind her how great their sexual relationship was. Her response was basically that she missed him and he had yet to respond back to her at the point of my intercepting these messages. I feel like he was looking to rekindle something, which is cheating. He disagrees. Am I overreacting? Do I have a right to tell him he needs to cut off all contact with this person? They are friends on facebook. Do I have a right to ask him to give me his passwords to his accounts? I feel like there are some time gaps and he has given me reasons to be suspicious. Thanks for any feedback!
Re: Is he a cheater?
I don't like the comment about how great their physical relationship was.
I don't even know why he felt he had to be such the big guy and step forward and offer some kind of olive branch. That bothers me a bit.
As for policing him:
Not healthy and not right.
Don't do it.
Besides, it is likely you will never catch him doing anything, if he does. He could have anotehr phone you don't know about or communicate with her elsewhere, like at a public library, where he can use the computers there to email back and forth to her.
This is only a long term partner?
If you are not comfortable with this communication --- even just this one?
Find another boyfriend.
Perhaps this is not the guy for you. GL.
No, you don't have the "right" to tell him to cut off contact. you can ask him to do so and I'd hope he would. But you can't demand it. And really- I think HIS response to all this would be telling.
If he won't do it on his own and/or does it only because you made him - he clealry doesn't really WANT to. And if he doesn't want to, that would bother me.
over this one incident, I think it's a bit much to ask for his passwords.
But - all this being said, you clearly don't trust him. And for the fact that he told you he thinks of this woman and told you what a great physical relationship they had.... um, yeah - i don't think he's quite over her and yes, I would question his true motives.
I agree with Tarpon- I don't know that this is really the guy for you.