Family Matters
MariannaLuvsSemaj
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Conflict with sons father. Please help!!!
I'm in need of some advice about how to approach a topic with my sons father without it turning into a huge argument which is how things seem to always turn out.
My ex and I have a five year old son together and have been separated for close to three years now but try and remain civil. We have both moved on and I'm currently with someone and have been with them for almost a year and my ex recently just had a second baby with another woman four months ago.
My son is very quiet and just all around shy but recently he's very reluctant to go over to his fathers house. When my sons father comes over to get him he'll cry and beg not to go and it confuses us because he loves his father a lot, they have a close relationship so when he throws fits his father will just agree to take him out somewhere and my son will only go if he promises to bring him back home.
So my current boyfriend asked me how he was adjusting to the new baby and from what I could see he wasn't very bothered by his new baby brother. He was upset at first that he wouldn't have all of his fathers attention but eventually he warmed up to it and I didn't think it was a problem. So when I asked my son why he didn't want to go to his dad's place anymore he said his girlfriend was mean to him.
Instead of going to my ex I decided to ask his younger sister who is staying with him for a little while until she finishes school and she pretty much confirmed my worst nightmare that my exes girlfriend is mistreating my son. She said she brought it to her brothers attention and he got mad at her and told her to stop starting things but in her words it feels like the new girlfriend is trying to push my son out of the picture because she doesn't like the fact that he has another child besides the son he has with her and she's jealous. I saw a red flag for myself on Facebook when she cropped a family picture so that my son wasn't in it which disturbed me.
I'm angry and I'm upset, I could careless about him moving on but as a father he shouldn't allow that to go on and ignore it. My son is scared to go to his place he cries and will fake tummy aches to stay home and I don't know what to do at this point, I don't want it to seem like I'm jealous because every time I bring up something he thinks I want him back and it's sickening. But at the same time as a mother if my child is uncomfortable or literally afraid I'm going to be protective so when he says he doesn't want to go I don't force him to go and it's been causing conflict with his father.
If he's not willing to change should I take this to family court and set some custody boundaries or voice my worries? I have bad anxiety when my son is with his father now, I don't believe the girlfriend would hurt him physically but I'm just very uneasy.
Any advice?
Re: Conflict with sons father. Please help!!!
I would try to convince your son that it's ok for him to talk to his dad on why he doesn't like to go over. I would try to talk to ex that you have concerns about your sons behavior when it comes to spending time with him and that maybe dad can talk to son & let son know that he can talk to dad about anything and he won't get mad. Maybe he will take it easier from his son. Don't tell ex that what his sister has told you. Just play the concerned mom and when dad brings son home, just ask dad if he was able to find out what the problem is and if there is anything you can do to help. This way it doesn't look like you are attacking his current GF. Based on his reaction and then how your son acts going forward, let that determine your next course of action.