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Buying a house, in need of some budgeting advice!

Hi, 

My boyfriend and I are in the process of purchasing our first home. We have been looking at houses for a month now and while this is a fun time in both of our lives, I can't help but see dollar signs. I know that a home is a HUGE investment and that we would be responsible for EVERYTHING but it is starting to freak me out. Our lease is up at the end of Jan. and we would ideally like to close and skip a month between Jan. rent and our first mortgage payment but if we find a house and decide to move on it sooner than that, we will have two payments. Please help, I need advice on how to budget for our needs and for upgrades once we find a house that we LOVE. 

What are some ways to manage our money, I have tried keeping a binder with all the information but I never really got far with that. I unfortunately have horrible spending habits. 

Re: Buying a house, in need of some budgeting advice!

  • als1982als1982 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    First, I hope only one of you will have your name on the mortgage and the deed. Co-signing and using both your incomes for loan qualification without being married is a really, really bad idea.
    HeartlandHustle | Personal Finance and Betterment Blog  
  • There is more legal protection to married couples when owning property then there is to unmarried couples cohabitating.

    It's not that PPs here are being judgey on your living choices, it's just the bare facts.

    Advice beyond that: Read Home Buying for Dummies - it's a commonly respected and recommended book around here on MM and the BAH board.

    General rule when buying a house is not to spend more than 30% of your gross income if you live in a high cost of living area, 28% in a mid cost of living area, and 25% if you live in a low cost of living area. The percentages INCLUDE the mortgage costs each month (principal and interest), taxes, home owner's insurance, and major utilities like gas, electric, water, sewer, trash.

    For example, if you make $80,000 before taxes and live in a high cost of living area (30%), then only $24,000 (is 30% of $80k) per year or $2,000 per month ($24,000 divided by 12 months) should go toward your housing costs. Any higher and you will be mortgage poor.

  • Are you guys planning to get married?  Have kids (now or in the future)?

    Try to "future proof" your finances by accounting for daycare expenses, retirement contributions, car payments and even job loss.  Don't count on raises and bonuses to pay for needs but save those for wants.

    In addition to the mortgage payment (in addition to the down payment and closing costs) you will have insurance, taxes and utilities (probably a substantial increase over an apartment lease).  You will most likely have to buy a lawnmower, trimmer, ladders, water hoses, paint brushes, hammers, screwdrivers, buckets and countless other small items that you will need that you never had to use before.  

    You will want to make the house your own, so you will be buying paint, artwork, new furniture, curtains, and possibly doing some remodeling.  

    Will you need to buy any appliances?  What about a washer and dryer?

    DH and I bought a house a year and a half ago (his second, my third) and not including the kitchen remodel we probably spent about $10,000 on stuff for the house in the first year.  We had the money so we spent more on "wants" than we actually needed to, but you get the idea.

    Try to be conservative on how much house you buy without buying something too small for your long term needs.  While your house will likely increase in value over time that isn't a guarantee, and the experts say it takes on average 5 years for a homeowner to have a property appreciate enough to recoup the closing/selling costs on a property (some areas more and some less).  This isn't something you should go into thinking you will only be staying a few years.

    And I echo previous posters about having REALLY SERIOUS conversations and plans with your boyfriend about what would happen if you break up.  Those aren't fun conversations, but since you won't be married it is highly likely that the financial fallout from a break-up where you co-own propertly won't be pretty.
    Formerly AprilH81
    photo composite_14153800476219jpg

  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    I just realized that my first husband and I bought a house together a few months before we got married while we were engaged.  I don't remember the process being a nightmare and we included both of our names and incomes on the loan.  So I don't think its a bad idea.  I"m in the minority I guess.  Just make sure you are really good at budgeting and base your mortgage on 1 income so if 1 of you lost a job it would be no big deal to pay the mortgage.  That's what we did.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    vlagrl29 said:

    I just realized that my first husband and I bought a house together a few months before we got married while we were engaged.  I don't remember the process being a nightmare and we included both of our names and incomes on the loan.  So I don't think its a bad idea.  I"m in the minority I guess.  Just make sure you are really good at budgeting and base your mortgage on 1 income so if 1 of you lost a job it would be no big deal to pay the mortgage.  That's what we did.

    My concern isn't the purchase process, but what would happen in the event of a breakup.

    This just happened to two good friends of ours. They were talking marriage, very happy, and looked for their first house together. Thank goodness they put it in her name only, because they broke up not six months later. I'm not judgy at all about living together before marriage-we did for three years. I just think it's way too risky to put both names on a house at this point.

    As for other advice, start watching listings and going to open houses. Talk about what is important to both of you, and figure out your budget. The advice that I liked and followed was to chose a payment that's no more than 25% of your TAKE HOME pay. That should keep you from feeling house poor unless you have lots of debt.

    Get recommendations and find a kick butt realtor who will really put you first. This is so, so important. They do exist, even for first time buyers.

    Avoid "special" mortgages like FHA/VA. They tend to either have very high closing costs or PMI that never goes away. I think USDA may be an exception, but don't quote me on that. We were able to get a good conventional loan with 5% down.

    I also really echo @AprilZ81 's advice about future proofing and itemizing your other expenses. Remember that you want to have an emergency fund left over after housing costs are paid!

    ETA: For general financial knowledge, stick around here and participate! I've learned a ton here. Step 1 is a good written budget.
  • For the record, I agree with the others regarding buying a house with a boyfriend.  Personally, I probably wouldn't do it until wedding invitations had been mailed so that bailing on a wedding would be logistically difficult and inconvenience dozens of people, but that's just me.  No way would I do it with a boyfriend though.  All you have to do to break up is declare that you are broken up.  It doesn't require filing papers in a court like divorce, nor does it even require cancelling wedding plans that you might be financially invested in. It's just very short-sighted to commingle a major asset this early in your relationship.  

    If you are determined to buy together, protect yourself and make sure the loan and house is in one person's name only and make sure that person can afford the mortgage payments without the other person's income.  And please, whatever you do, do NOT take on the loan individually and then have his name on the deed without yours (or vice versa).  I know a few married couples who do this and they have their (good) reasons, but it's a terrible idea if you aren't married.

    PP's gave good advice regarding what amount to spend.  Since you are dating, those 20-30% debt to income ratios need to be considered with ONE person's income only.

    I would also make sure that you have a decent e-fund in place after closing.  There are things that happen to houses that aren't covered by insurance.  In our first year of home ownership, H and I spent about $1500 on true emergency repairs - we had a flood in our basement that had to be remediated and our water heater died and flooded the garage.  Fixing those wasn't optional.  Just last week a guy I work with was in a horrible mood because he had spent $8,000 replacing his air conditioner.  Heaters and A/Cs have a life span, and you don't know that it's dead until you actually need it.  At that point, fixing it or replacing it isn't really optional.  At the beginning of every season I hold my breath when I turn on the heat or A/C for the first time in 6 months.

    Your utilities will also be higher.  Ours tripled from our apartment. 

    Prepare for closing costs to be higher than you estimate.  I don't know if I've ever heard of a bank's good faith estimate on closing costs being high.  Ours was about $3,000 too low, and we found out that we had to bring an extra $3K to the table the day before closing.  Our banker "forgot" that his bank required us to escrow 12 months of taxes and insurance at closing.  He only gave us an estimate for 3 months when we were applying for the loan.  Inevitably, something like this will happen, and you don't want to lose the house because you can't float the difference.

    One last piece of practical advice is to look longer.  I can't speak for others on this board, but 1-2 months wasn't enough time to find the right house.  The big season for buying/selling around here is the spring and summer.  The weather is nice, there aren't any major family holidays, and people are trying to dump their houses to move school districts before August. Trying to close before January means you will probably be looking at limited inventory up to that point.  Also, HGTV is not a benchmark by which you need to buy or decorate your starter house.  You really don't need an open floor plan and your kitchen doesn't need stainless appliances and granite countertops.  There is NO scenario where it is worth stretching yourself financially to have these things.  You may need to lower your expectations to find a house in your budget, and that's ok.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Since others have covered the. Fact that this is a huge risk since you aren't married, I won't touch that.
    One thing you do need to know, federal regulations just changed Saturday and in the near future most realtors are saying it's going to take 45-60 days to close until this all gets figured out. So if you want in in January, your timing isn't bad. And on both mortgages we have ever had your first payment isn't due until the 1st. So if you close on the 2nd, you don't pay your first payment essentially until the next month.
    The best advice I can give you is to start on a budget. Divide up who is responsible for what. Over estimate everything. Your current electric is $100 in an apartment, guess $200 for a house. That type of thing. It's better to overestimate these things than to get in and find out you can't afford it.
    Also, don't buy anything before you actually close. Don't open any new cc either. If you need a washer and dryer, fine, but wait until after closing. Big purchases before hand can affect your credit score and potentially stop you from closing.
    I would stay away from small purchases too. No don't buy the cute new shower curtain, or whatever. I would even be saving like crazy, asking myself do I really need a new pair of shoes or whatever right now.
    Also don't buy any crap about getting given your closing costs. If your mortgage guy tells you that you can only come in with a down payment and no closing costs because there is this gift program, run away. I almost lost my first house because of this crap. I had to go get approved at the local bank and fortunately I had just enough in my savings to cover closing costs. (Literally I had like $300 to my name after closing, really not a good place to be).
    Anyways, I only skimmed above, so just some more things to think about.
    image
  • I also just read that you say you have unfortunate spending habits.  What does that mean?  Do you have credit card debt?  Big student loans?

    How old are you?  Have you started contributing to retirement yet?

    I'll echo that nobody here is judging your living choices.  I think living together is a really good idea before getting married.  It's just that your life will be infinitely easier if you have good financial habits before buying a house.  People tell you that owning a house costs more than you think.  I'm a super preparer, and I was blindsided by the reality of it.  I absolutely don't regret buying, but I'm thankful every day that the people on this board talked me into setting a house budget that H and I can afford on a single income.  That has enabled us to cash flow a lot of needs and also a lot of wants for the house and just life in general. And if one of us loses our job, we going to lose the house too.

    Also?  Money is the #1 cause for divorce.  Be open with each other about what you make and what you spend, and then work on breaking your bad financial habits together before you get married.  I can't stress this enough.  Far too many people get married and combine finances without first realizing that their spouse has a small mountain of credit card debt, and now their money is fair game for creditors to go after.  I have personally seen too many women get nailed by the IRS for taxes generated by their spouse who "promised" them that they were paid when the wife signed a joint tax return.  Guess what?  They weren't paid, and now she is just as liable for them as the husband is.  Getting out of those kinds of messes is possible, but there are no guarantees and it can cost a small fortune in legal fees.  

    All we are saying is there are big financial and legal ramifications to what you are thinking about doing.  Don't be so anxious to get into a house that you proceed out of order.  Pay off any credit card debt.  Get an emergency fund in place.  Start contributing to retirement.  Be well on your way to a wedding and make sure both of you are on the same page with how you need to handle money.  THEN start thinking about buying a house together.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Since others have covered the. Fact that this is a huge risk since you aren't married, I won't touch that. One thing you do need to know, federal regulations just changed Saturday and in the near future most realtors are saying it's going to take 45-60 days to close until this all gets figured out. So if you want in in January, your timing isn't bad. And on both mortgages we have ever had your first payment isn't due until the 1st. So if you close on the 2nd, you don't pay your first payment essentially until the next month. The best advice I can give you is to start on a budget. Divide up who is responsible for what. Over estimate everything. Your current electric is $100 in an apartment, guess $200 for a house. That type of thing. It's better to overestimate these things than to get in and find out you can't afford it. Also, don't buy anything before you actually close. Don't open any new cc either. If you need a washer and dryer, fine, but wait until after closing. Big purchases before hand can affect your credit score and potentially stop you from closing. I would stay away from small purchases too. No don't buy the cute new shower curtain, or whatever. I would even be saving like crazy, asking myself do I really need a new pair of shoes or whatever right now. Also don't buy any crap about getting given your closing costs. If your mortgage guy tells you that you can only come in with a down payment and no closing costs because there is this gift program, run away. I almost lost my first house because of this crap. I had to go get approved at the local bank and fortunately I had just enough in my savings to cover closing costs. (Literally I had like $300 to my name after closing, really not a good place to be). Anyways, I only skimmed above, so just some more things to think about.
    The bolded is true, but you will have to pre-pay the pro-rated interest on that first "skipped" month at closing.  Interest is more than 90% of your monthly mortgage payment during the first year, because banks amortize loans.  You won't have to pay principal for that first month, but you really aren't skipping much of anything. 

    If you close on the 2nd, you will pre-pay 29-30 days of interest at closing to make up for it.  If you close on the 15th, you will pay 15-16 days of interest.  Rest assured your bank will be getting its money one way or the other.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I just realized that my first husband and I bought a house together a few months before we got married while we were engaged.  I don't remember the process being a nightmare and we included both of our names and incomes on the loan.  So I don't think its a bad idea.  I"m in the minority I guess.  Just make sure you are really good at budgeting and base your mortgage on 1 income so if 1 of you lost a job it would be no big deal to pay the mortgage.  That's what we did.
    My concern isn't the purchase process, but what would happen in the event of a breakup. This just happened to two good friends of ours. They were talking marriage, very happy, and looked for their first house together. Thank goodness they put it in her name only, because they broke up not six months later. I'm not judgy at all about living together before marriage-we did for three years. I just think it's way too risky to put both names on a house at this point. As for other advice, start watching listings and going to open houses. Talk about what is important to both of you, and figure out your budget. The advice that I liked and followed was to chose a payment that's no more than 25% of your TAKE HOME pay. That should keep you from feeling house poor unless you have lots of debt. Get recommendations and find a kick butt realtor who will really put you first. This is so, so important. They do exist, even for first time buyers. Avoid "special" mortgages like FHA/VA. They tend to either have very high closing costs or PMI that never goes away. I think USDA may be an exception, but don't quote me on that. We were able to get a good conventional loan with 5% down. I also really echo @AprilZ81 's advice about future proofing and itemizing your other expenses. Remember that you want to have an emergency fund left over after housing costs are paid! ETA: For general financial knowledge, stick around here and participate! I've learned a ton here. Step 1 is a good written budget.
    Yeah we were only 5 months out from marriage and it was important for me to have both of our names on the title.  It didn't really matter because our marriage ended up not working out so I kind of have a skewed mind as far as being old fashioned goes.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Just responding to your statement about "horrible spending habits."

    If you guys have combined your finances, you need to sit down and figure out a budget together. If your finances are separate, you need to figure out how things will be split and each make an individual budget accounting for your responsibilities. 

    As for how to start budgeting, this booklet is pretty comprehensive: http://www.daveramsey.com/media/broadcast/mytmmo/pdf/guide-to-budgeting.pdf

    Here is the basic budgeting form that we got started with: HERE

    The basic gist of starting a budget is that you go back over the last month in your bank statements and categorize every expense you made -- put things in categories (rent, groceries, debt payment, eating out, etc) and see how much you spent in each category. This will give you an idea of where you need to cutback and also how much you need to allot. Then, as you plan out your next months budget, list out you known, fixed expenses. Next, start adding in those "lifestyle" amounts like eating out or clothing. 

    Assign a purpose to every dollar. You don't just have $200 left at the end of the month for impulse buys. Plan ahead for needs (maybe you need a new winter coat this month) or put the money towards paying down debt (especially if you have consumer debt) or saving an emergency fund (3-6 months of expenses that you only touch in emergencies).

    Just spitballing here, but on top of your down payment of hopefully at least 5%, you should have enough money for closing (I've heard estimates of 5% purchase price? - I've never bought, so others will help more here), and you should have an emergency fund of at least 3 months of expenses. It would probably be good to have enough in cash to also purchase any immediate, absolutely required needs. And FYI, the used washer/dryer is great. If you don't have that capital available, just wait another year. You're only 23, you've got plenty of time.
  • Meh, I'm in the minority too.  My H and I bought our house 9 years ago, about 4 years before we were married.  We had been together 3ish years I think?  I was just the opposite; to me, we were buying it together and paying for it together, and there was NO WAY we weren't going to have both of our names on the deed.  Yes, with the realization that if we had not stayed together, it would have been way more complicated and messy, but at least one of us wouldn't feel that we had been 'renting' from the other.  I think as long as you are practical and realistic and KNOW what the ramifications could be, it's really okay to make the best decision for your situation.

    As far as advice, I'd say that looking for a month really isn't that long, so don't get too freaked out.  Also, make sure to set a budget based on your actual numbers, not on what you can get qualified for.  H and I qualified for a loan double the amount of what we actually spent, but we knew there was no way we wanted to try to figure out that payment.  9 years late we would qualify for a lot more since we both make more, but we love having a small payment and our house will be paid off in 10 more years.

    All of that being said--this is all great advice for somebody who is ready and prepared and has figured out a budget and has their spending under control.  I am very concerned that by you saying you have horrible spending habits, you are not at all ready to purchase a home.  Let's tackle whatever else you have going on before you jump in to home ownership.

  • Meh, I'm in the minority too.  My H and I bought our house 9 years ago, about 4 years before we were married.  We had been together 3ish years I think?  I was just the opposite; to me, we were buying it together and paying for it together, and there was NO WAY we weren't going to have both of our names on the deed.  Yes, with the realization that if we had not stayed together, it would have been way more complicated and messy, but at least one of us wouldn't feel that we had been 'renting' from the other.  I think as long as you are practical and realistic and KNOW what the ramifications could be, it's really okay to make the best decision for your situation.

    As far as advice, I'd say that looking for a month really isn't that long, so don't get too freaked out.  Also, make sure to set a budget based on your actual numbers, not on what you can get qualified for.  H and I qualified for a loan double the amount of what we actually spent, but we knew there was no way we wanted to try to figure out that payment.  9 years late we would qualify for a lot more since we both make more, but we love having a small payment and our house will be paid off in 10 more years.

    All of that being said--this is all great advice for somebody who is ready and prepared and has figured out a budget and has their spending under control.  I am very concerned that by you saying you have horrible spending habits, you are not at all ready to purchase a home.  Let's tackle whatever else you have going on before you jump in to home ownership.

    I agree with this 100%. H and I bought before we were married, but our place was only in his name in case we ever split. It actually caused a lot of problems for us. He received all the benefits of homeownership and I hated feeling as though I had no skin in the game. We didn't combine finances until about 6 months after we got married, so we split everything 50/50. It would have been better for us had we put the place in both of our names. It would have saved us a lot of grief in those first years. Since having mortgages in both names and combined finances, we have not had one single fight about money. I think you have to do what's best for you. In retrospect, we didn't do what was right for us and it caused problems in our relationship, so I don't think it's always solid advice to have property in one name vs both names.
  • The problem with "do what works for you" is that a lot of people are way too optimistic about the likelihood of staying together.  It can cause huge legal problems if you have to split property and you aren't married.

    Retitling property after marriage is a pain, but it's not nearly as big of a deal as splitting property if you break up and are unmarried.  The odds of going to court are pretty high that way.

    Obviously buying while dating will work out for some people.  I just think that OP should not arrange her financial life at this point assuming it will work out.  Hope for the best, plan for the worst.  If you can't stand to wait, then I think you should proceed by planning to buy in one name and retitle after marriage and/or name change (if that is applicable).  I retitled a dozen accounts after we got married.  It took awhile and it was a pain, but that's just part of it.  Property would just be one more thing on the list.

    Also, side note - I work with a bunch of people who don't put property titles in both spouses names even though they are married.  If one of you is a lot more likely to get sued than the other due to your profession, it can be advantageous in some states to keep the property titled in the name of the spouse who is not as likely to get sued.  Several of the partners I work for are the sole breadwinners for their families.  They have the mortgage in their name for qualification purposes, and their spouses have sole title to the property. That way if they get sued personally, their house isn't at risk.



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    You've already received some very good advice here.  Just wanted to chime in with my own experience.

    My now H and I bought a house "together".  We had been together for 3 years, and living together for about 2.5, in his old house.  With this new house, having me on the loan would have proven to be difficult since up until this year I was self employed as a 1099.  Also, I was not comfortable being on the loan or the title since we weren't even engaged.  He could afford the house on his own with his income alone, I wouldn't even be able to pay the mortgage by myself (let alone all the other costs that other posters have already mentioned).  The downpayment came from the proceeds on the sale of his previous house.  So, I stayed off.  He ended up proposing the day we moved in, and now we're married.  

    But, in the future, say we ended up splitting up (again, not in the plans of course but you never know), I probably won't have any legal right to the house, and I'm OK with that. I don't contribute financially to it other than stuff like decorating, and I paid for all the light fixtures (it was a new build where we picked everything).  I pay the utilities, and also give him a set amount every month, and he decides what to do with it.  Now, he's pretty responsible financially, and I am too, so while our finances are not combined, I trust him (for the most part) to make good decisions with money I give him.  

    Also, you say you have a spending problem.  I think you need to get that under control before you consider buying a house.  So many things could pop up with a house.  For example, last week H was weedeating in the backyard and a rock flew up and hit our sliding glass door.  The outside pane on it shattered.  It's going to be about $400-450 to fix it, and that's only because the builder gave us his guy's info so they're doing it at builder prices.  I called around and everyone else was in the $600+ range.  So, even though our house is brand new, stuff like that comes up, and it sucks.  If you have a spending problem and have no money left to pay for emergencies like that... what would you do?  
  • @hoffse I don't disagree that it could end up messy in the event of a split. All I'm saying is that for some, it ends up doing more harm than good. Had we just done what was right for us, we wouldn't have fought about money or mortgages ever. So we had arguments for years for essentially no reason. FWIW, I do disagree about people bing too optimistic about staying together. That happens in marriages, too. Yes, it's a bigger process to get divorced than break up, but it happens. I don't think anyone goes into a huge purchase (like a home), especially together, with an exit strategy. At least I wouldn't want to be in any sort of relationship like that. I love you and all, but I'm always thinking about what will happen if we split..? Nope, no thanks.
  • abrewer5abrewer5 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2015

    I think PP gave good advice so far but I just want to add that before we can give you good advice on budgeting for a new home we need more info.

    Do you have any debts currently? Credit cards, car loans, student loans, etc.

    If so, what are the balances on those debts and interest rates?

    Also what is your monthly take home?

    Like others have said you don't want to be house poor, so I would recommend keeping your house costs to 30% of your take home.

     

    Here is a little take on what my H and I did... we admittedly bought a house when we were not ready 2 years ago. We both made significantly less than we do now (about $35,000/year less) and I have so many regrets.

    1. We were not out of debt when we bought our house and there was no excuse not to be (we both lived at home with minimal rent payments). We had 2 car loans, small amount of credit card debt, and my student loan. All of these things could have been paid off in a year had we waited and aggressively paid them off.

    2. We did not have enough in savings. On top of having debt going in our home purchase we did not have nearly enough in savings to justify buying a house. We didn't put anything down on the house, but got lucky enough to avoid PMI with a special loan program in our area. Plus the seller covered half our closing costs. We were getting married and updating the house and basically we've squeaked by the last two years, finally starting to get ahead.

    3. We settled on our home. We were both so excited to move out and be on our own before getting married that we bought a house we liked (not loved), in an area we don't like, with an HOA we didn't want, and it's a town home not a single family. Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed making our house our home and we enjoy living on our own, but we definitely rushed it. If we had waited just 2 more years and paid down debt and saved more we would have moved immediately into the single family we wanted. Now we are on a 5 year plan to pay off all our debts and save an e-fund and a significant amount to move.

    ETA: Bottom line all of this could have been avoided had we made sure we were prepared and financially ready. 

    I am still focusing on controlling my spending habits as I've mentioned on this board before I can't use credit cards. I know if I do I spend too much. So try to think of way to get your spending in check and make sure you stick to it before buying a house.  

    Do not rush this decision. Make sure you have all your stuff together before buying. My advice to you if you have debt pay it off before buying a house and save save save. You can never have too much saved when it comes to buying a house. Also make sure you and your BF sit down together and talk about your financial goals, what you want in a house, where you see yourselves living, whether or not it's a long term house or just a starter home, etc. It's very important that you two are on the same page before buying.

    Best of luck to you! I hope you stick around. This board has been amazing for me to "see the light" when it comes to finances and kick my butt in gear. I only wish I would have found it before buying our house.

  • Right. I don't disagree. But this is why I say you have to do what's best for you. My H and I actually were together at 23. And I agree with some of your points, and I think everyone, regardless of age and marital status should go into a situation eyes wide open. But people are different and what works for one person/couple may not work for another. That's all I'm saying. OP asked for advice, I'm just giving another opinion. That's what makes the world great; we don't have to agree.
  • Yeah, that's true.  We can totally disagree on a few things there.

    I jumped on those two posts because I was concerned OP might read them as validation to just run with this idea without slowing down long enough to think about the potential downside.  I just want her to go into it with her eyes open and understand what breaking up could involve.  Her post struck me as kind of haphazard and not thought-out.  Hopefully I'm wrong about that.

    Even if they stay together forever, it doesn't seem like their finances are ready yet.  I still want to hear with these horrible spending habits are.  I'm nosy.

    Hopefully OP hasn't disappeared!
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  • kmurphy2131kmurphy2131 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    hoffse said:
    The problem with "do what works for you" is that a lot of people are way too optimistic about the likelihood of staying together.  It can cause huge legal problems if you have to split property and you aren't married.

    Retitling property after marriage is a pain, but it's not nearly as big of a deal as splitting property if you break up and are unmarried.  The odds of going to court are pretty high that way.

    Obviously buying while dating will work out for some people.  I just think that OP should not arrange her financial life at this point assuming it will work out.  Hope for the best, plan for the worst.  If you can't stand to wait, then I think you should proceed by planning to buy in one name and retitle after marriage and/or name change (if that is applicable).  I retitled a dozen accounts after we got married.  It took awhile and it was a pain, but that's just part of it.  Property would just be one more thing on the list.

    Also, side note - I work with a bunch of people who don't put property titles in both spouses names even though they are married.  If one of you is a lot more likely to get sued than the other due to your profession, it can be advantageous in some states to keep the property titled in the name of the spouse who is not as likely to get sued.  Several of the partners I work for are the sole breadwinners for their families.  They have the mortgage in their name for qualification purposes, and their spouses have sole title to the property. That way if they get sued personally, their house isn't at risk.




    This is interesting, not something I had ever thought about before.  I may look into that when we purchase a house.  As a healthcare provider I worry that I could be sued, even if I don't do anything wrong.  So many variables in healthcare that it seems like even if you practice "perfectly" something might be wrong. H is oddly enough more likely to have issues  (railroad engineer - almost a guarentee he will hurt/kill people in his career) but incredibly unlikely to be sued unless he uses his phone while working.
  • hoffse said:
    The problem with "do what works for you" is that a lot of people are way too optimistic about the likelihood of staying together.  It can cause huge legal problems if you have to split property and you aren't married.

    Retitling property after marriage is a pain, but it's not nearly as big of a deal as splitting property if you break up and are unmarried.  The odds of going to court are pretty high that way.

    Obviously buying while dating will work out for some people.  I just think that OP should not arrange her financial life at this point assuming it will work out.  Hope for the best, plan for the worst.  If you can't stand to wait, then I think you should proceed by planning to buy in one name and retitle after marriage and/or name change (if that is applicable).  I retitled a dozen accounts after we got married.  It took awhile and it was a pain, but that's just part of it.  Property would just be one more thing on the list.

    Also, side note - I work with a bunch of people who don't put property titles in both spouses names even though they are married.  If one of you is a lot more likely to get sued than the other due to your profession, it can be advantageous in some states to keep the property titled in the name of the spouse who is not as likely to get sued.  Several of the partners I work for are the sole breadwinners for their families.  They have the mortgage in their name for qualification purposes, and their spouses have sole title to the property. That way if they get sued personally, their house isn't at risk.




    This is interesting, not something I had ever thought about before.  I may look into that when we purchase a house.  As a healthcare provider I worry that I could be sued, even if I don't do anything wrong.  So many variables.  H is oddly enough more likely to have issues but incredibly unlikely to be sued.
    H and I have actually talked about transferring title to our house to a trust.  The only thing is we probably wouldn't be able to keep our homestead exemption if we did that, so it would cost us a good bit in taxes each year.  I haven't looked into it enough yet, but it's on my long-term list of things to figure out.  

    Lawyers get sued a lot.  Not just malpractice but in an "oh you're a lawyer so you must have assets" kind of way.  One of the partners in my office just went through 2 years of litigation when a UPS driver allegedly slipped on her driveway while delivering a package.  He filed the lawsuit 3 days before the statute of limitations ran, and there is no record of him ever being on her property anywhere close to the date he says he fell.  Thankfully she won, but it was a horrible thing for her to deal with and it actually went to trial.  H and I now have packages delivered to the office instead of our home.  

    We both carry personal insurance for lawsuits, but you never know.  One of us could be at fault in a traffic accident and suddenly the plaintiffs are looking for more than insurance caps.
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  • So I will answer your original question first.  You want a minimum of a 5% down payment.  You also will want 3-6 months of expenses (including mortgage payment) in an emergency fund, before purchasing a home.  As far as start up expenses when moving into a home, it can really vary depending on what all the home needs.  Ours was a foreclosure and needed all appliances and many updates.  We spent about $15,000 in the first 6 months of owning our home. 

    Now I will touch on the other things....

    My H and I bought our home when we weren't married.  Well, HE bought the home.  I was his roommate.  We still had separate finances, and I paid for half of all the utilities, mortgage, taxes, and insurance.  If something was purchased that was not removable from the home, then he paid for it.  Anything that was not permanent, I purchased and paid for.   We joked that if I left, he would have been left with a TV, computer desk, and chair.  Everything else was mine.  
    We kept our finances separate until the day we said "I do."  We ran this like a roommate agreement and there was a contract in place to protect us both.  We laugh at it now that we're married and we've been together almost 12 years now.  But it was the best way to make sure we would not end up in court if we were to separate.  We actually shredded the agreement the day after our wedding.  
    Also, we were together for 5 years at that point and had lived in our own separate apartments.  So this wasn't just some drive by relationship.  
    We both have said if we were to do it all over again, we would have stayed living separately and paid off our student loans and saved up more before buying and moving in together.  We bought very prematurely.  We love our house, and it is home to us.  But it is not what we would buy again.

    On the other part of your post about not being financially responsible.  It sounds like it may not be the right time to buy just yet.  The others have given some great suggestions, but it sounds like it may be better to stay in the apartment another year and get on track with finances.

    We live by the principals Dave Ramsey teaches.  It's very straight forward and reasonable financial advise.

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  •  

    H and I have actually talked about transferring title to our house to a trust.  The only thing is we probably wouldn't be able to keep our homestead exemption if we did that, so it would cost us a good bit in taxes each year.  I haven't looked into it enough yet, but it's on my long-term list of things to figure out.  

    Lawyers get sued a lot.  Not just malpractice but in an "oh you're a lawyer so you must have assets" kind of way.  One of the partners in my office just went through 2 years of litigation when a UPS driver allegedly slipped on her driveway while delivering a package.  He filed the lawsuit 3 days before the statute of limitations ran, and there is no record of him ever being on her property anywhere close to the date he says he fell.  Thankfully she won, but it was a horrible thing for her to deal with and it actually went to trial.  H and I now have packages delivered to the office instead of our home.  

    We both carry personal insurance for lawsuits, but you never know.  One of us could be at fault in a traffic accident and suddenly the plaintiffs are looking for more than insurance caps.

    On the Real Estate Investing forum I frequent, a few of the members are real estate attorneys who always recommends posters discuss this strategy with their own attorney.  And they're not advertising their services at all, just giving insight on posts about "how do I limit my liability".  But the gist is, if each property a person or business owns is in its own trust, it can be much harder to sue for a person's personal assets or even other business assets (ie equity of other properties).

    I wouldn't be surprised if you all would lose your Homestead Exemption if it were titled in a trust.  But, you never know, it would be a good question for your Assessor's office.

    I'm glad to hear your coworker won her case!  I remember you talking about that in a previous post.  But I'm sure just being involved in a lawsuit is really stressful, even when things go well.

  • you guys I still don't have DH's name on the title of my home and just don't have that urge but it's been 6 years since we've been married.  Probably should.
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  • vlagrl29 said:

    you guys I still don't have DH's name on the title of my home and just don't have that urge but it's been 6 years since we've been married.  Probably should.

    Lol :) I live in a community property state, so my first house would be dh's anyways if something happened and it never sold. I never changed the title out of my maiden name. :) we are at the 5 year mark. It's just something I've never thought was really important. And he hasn't cared, so eh.
    image
  • you guys I still don't have DH's name on the title of my home and just don't have that urge but it's been 6 years since we've been married.  Probably should.
    Lol :) I live in a community property state, so my first house would be dh's anyways if something happened and it never sold. I never changed the title out of my maiden name. :) we are at the 5 year mark. It's just something I've never thought was really important. And he hasn't cared, so eh.
    yeah I still have my mom as TOD on it which I changed when I was single.  I really need to get TOD to DH - that would be a step anyways. eh - he has his own property now that doesn't have my name on it so I'm sure he is fine.
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  • H and I started looking for a house when we were engaged (with a wedding date on the books).  We ended up buying a new house about 6 months before wedding day.  The lawyer we had on our side to help with the contract strongly advised against buying before married and brought up unexpected death as one of the reasons.  If H was hit by a bus before we got married then I might have legal issues about the house with his family.
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