Family Matters
alexnicole452647
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Completely Lost
I apologize for this being long and possibly confusing I will try to make it as short as possible. My brother has been with his now wife for 6 years, no one in the family likes her because of her lack of motivation (she refuses to work or move out of state and away from her parents to live with my brother) doubled with her high expectations which result in treating my brother like a work horse (something that is shared by all the women in her family). Now I understand that this is not any of our business (even though they both complain about my brothers insane work hours to the family) so we put on a happy face and play nice, we have managed to be friends over the years. My SIL is very spoiled by both her family and my brother which I feel has created a monster. She demands every holiday and has yet to spend one with my parents or I. My brother tries to avoid having to decide by working, at the beginning we would go stay with him during the holidays (he lives 4 hours away) but eventually I had to stop because I got married and had my own obligations. Over the years when my brother and my now SIL did spend time with us she would sit at the dinner table and not speak to anyone but my brother by whispering in his ear. Nothing was ever mentioned and the behavior worsen. My parents me and my husband noticed that things get even worse (if it was possible) when they got engaged and the closer they came to their wedding. My patience started to wear at SIL's shower when she was opening gifts and making comments about what people gave her. My mom and dad had given SIL all of her luggage and a large amount of money to plan a VERY nice honeymoon as a shower gift. After the shower for 2 weeks she was hounding my mom about what she actually paid for the luggage (that was on the registry) and if it was the correct luggage which made my mom feel as if her gift wasnt good enough. We let it slide and chalked it up to wedding stress. Closer to the wedding SIL was hounding me about my friend who was doing the hair and makeup (her choice not mine) and called my friend unprofessional to me because she was going to also do my moms makeup along with SIL and her own mother. Again we let it slide, although she is still complaining about it months later. Throughout the process my mom told SIL if there was anything she needed let her know and she would be happy to help. 6 days before the wedding when my mom was out of town SIL was demanding certain sized photos from my mom by that Tuesday. My mom got in late Tuesday and wasnt able to give them to SIL until the rehearsal, in all the correct sizes along with frames that she could use if she needed/wanted to, which was 2 days before the wedding. SIL yelled at my mom and would not accept them. My mom also got yelled at by SIL because her entire family could not fit at one table, my mom was gracious enough to host her aunts and cousins. Again we let it go thinking prewedding stress. Fast forward to my moms bday, I always make a big deal about her birthday because her father was diagnosed with cancer on her 50th and later passed away. This year we were going to my parents beach house for the weekend and out to dinner. At the beach house we had redone a room for my brother and SIL, new paint, new comforter, and moved all his furniture and bed into a bigger quieter room. When SIL got to the house she was unhappy with the furniture in the room and questioned me about it. I told her it was what my mom wanted and moved on. At dinner for my moms bday SIL sat with her arms folded, signing over and over while rolling her eyes and only speaking to my brother except when she was judging what my brothers friends had given them as wedding gifts. By the end of the meal I had had enough and just stopped talking all together, it was that or completely explode. This led to a HUGE fall out, my SIL wouldnt speak to me unless I apologized to her and explained why I acted the way I did, I asked her if we could agree to disagree and move on from here but she refused. My mom tried to talk to her about it prior to our conversation but every time my mom tried to explain why I was upset my SIL had a new excuse for her behavior. At this point my brother stopped speaking to me and refuses to talk anything out, we are going on month 3. I just feel like if I do apologize it validate the way SIL treats me and my family and encourage her behavior. What I am most upset about is the lack of respect for my parents by both my brother and SIL because they are very very nice people who just give and give and I feel like arent being treated the way they deserve. My brother is at the point where he is not speaking to my parents either because they agree with me. I just dont know how to go from here because I feel like my family is broken and every option seems to be lose lose. We have always been a very close family...
Re: Completely Lost
I predict your brother will be a single parent and I predict that the kids will pick up on the fact that their mother uses bro (and others) as a doormat.
And these kids won't be taught manners or how to act. This will be a real trip when it comes time for them to attend school. They will be discipline problems.
This is a real mess that everybody's got on their hands, thanks to the fact they won't stand up for their rights and tell this young lady what's what.
I strongly suggest reading her the riot act --- I mentioned it in the post above. She cannot be allowed to run rampant over everybody. The longer everyone puts off telling her she is out of line the worse the problem will be.
Don't be a doormat or a whipping post for this young woman. She is way out of line and you have the right to speak up and tell her where it is at.
I get where you are coming from, but if they aren't careful about how they "stand up" to her, they also risk losing him forever because then he will put up with her and her crap just out of spite because he doesn't want to prove the family right.
Sounds like the situation in my family ... except just to make things interesting, every once in a while, my sister-in-law acts normal and is talkative/nice to everyone. Very confusing. Time after time after time, it will be the not speaking to anyone else in the room but my brother, talking with him about anything and everything she can think of to distract him from conversations with US that he is actually engaged in. Then about every fifth or sixth visit, she's like Miss Congeniality. Ugh.
To his credit, my poor brother knows she's nuttier than a fruitcake and he finds her just as annoying as we do. BUT they did vow to stick it out 'til death do they part and I guess that's his plan, more or less just hoping he outlives her! LOL!
She's been our burden to bear for years, but the best thing about her is that she always gives us PLENTY to talk about after she walks out the door. Really, that is the best part of all family gatherings: the post-game analysis. It's our favorite past time. Embrace it, chick! It's life and it's hilarious if you just let it be.
This is positively vile and sad. Yet the father won't speak up and let his wife know -- oh, about a million years ago before the kiddo even was a glean in either pair of their eyes --- that they are coparenting the kids and the child will be brought up to follow rules.
@alexnicole452647, thanks for update.