Family Matters
bethieb123
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Fed up with sister
My half-sister has a history of trying to make everything about her - after crap she pulled before my wedding and that next Christmas I had written her off as a lost cause and distanced myself. It seemed that time and less interaction had helped her overcome her issues and get over her competitive/catty behavior BUT now here we go again.
She lives a few hours away, but is coming into town for my baby shower that family is throwing at our mom's house. At first it seemed sweet that she was making an effort and excited about me having a baby. But my mom just called and mentioned being stressed because now sis wants to celebrate her son's birthday too while she is in town. So on top of hosting my shower on Saturday with lots of out of town family and people in her home, now my mom has to put together something for a birthday the day before?
The kid is 9 and his actual birthday will be almost a month later... (For the record I always send a card and gift plus cash for her kids' birthdays, but they always celebrate at home). I just can't help but think that she came up with this idea because she is jealous or trying to make sure her kids don't lose the spotlight... I really don't want to start a pattern of competitiveness that involves my kids vs hers, but I can feel her headed down that path. I plan on raising my kids to be close, supportive friends with respect for family. (her sons have been fighting each other since the second one was born). How do you deal with family like that, especially while keeping your child away from it?
She lives a few hours away, but is coming into town for my baby shower that family is throwing at our mom's house. At first it seemed sweet that she was making an effort and excited about me having a baby. But my mom just called and mentioned being stressed because now sis wants to celebrate her son's birthday too while she is in town. So on top of hosting my shower on Saturday with lots of out of town family and people in her home, now my mom has to put together something for a birthday the day before?
The kid is 9 and his actual birthday will be almost a month later... (For the record I always send a card and gift plus cash for her kids' birthdays, but they always celebrate at home). I just can't help but think that she came up with this idea because she is jealous or trying to make sure her kids don't lose the spotlight... I really don't want to start a pattern of competitiveness that involves my kids vs hers, but I can feel her headed down that path. I plan on raising my kids to be close, supportive friends with respect for family. (her sons have been fighting each other since the second one was born). How do you deal with family like that, especially while keeping your child away from it?
Re: Fed up with sister
Don't play the game with her. Let HER compete. Don't respond, don't play the game. It may not stop her, but it still be all HER. It can't really be a "pattern", though, if you don't participate in the competetiveness.
And really- this falls to your mom too. She doesn't need to throw a party. But she's making the CHOICE to do so.
I plan on raising my kids to be close, supportive friends with respect for family. (her sons have been fighting each other since the second one was born). How do you deal with family like that, especially while keeping your child away from it?
Be careful what you wish for. First, to your simple question of keeping your child away from it, she doesn't live locally, right? So... what's the worry? The few times a year your family may be around her, your kids aren't going to suddenly start acting like her kids. Don't borrow trouble.
BUT - you don't know what your kid (much less kidS) will be like. Even the most well meaning of parents can end up w/ kids who are handfuls. You won't be able to FORCE your kids to be close. And they will lprobably go through phases too. They may be best buddies and kids but once they hit the teenage years? All bets are off.
you really JUST.DON'T.KNOW. Be careful about judging your sister on this, no matter how poor of a job you feel she's doing.
This is just giving me flashbacks to before my wedding when we were getting last minute details together and all she did was try to plan her upcoming wedding. (She had a weekday courthouse ceremony a month later - what's to plan?). Long story.
I should also add that she will be home again later for thanksgiving weekend which is just a few days before the little guy's actual bday. Seems like if this was actually about him, she would be planning something more fun, closer to the date. When her boys were smaller they would usually have a few parties each bday with both sides of their family here and at home, but as they've grown up it's gotten to be smaller celebrations naturally.
I definitely agree that my mother is a giant part of the problem. She lets my sis walk all over her a lot of the time. I think it started out of guilt for leaving sis with her dad after the divorce, and then just became habit. Sis didn't live with us until she was in high school and acting out a lot so my mom stepped in.
As for family, she's already mad that none of them are willing to drive over for both days. It's about 30-45 minutes for anyone not right in town, plus they all work Friday. But that hasn't stopped her from expecting them to bring his gift with them to the shower! @-) She also wanted to make party favors that were coincidentally the same snack planned for the shower, and need to be made the day of to keep fresh. Really, I don't see the need for favors for what will be a small family dinner with 3 kids. My mom actually drew the line there and said he would have plenty left over from the shower.
The point is, anytime the shower comes up she redirects to this party instead. What's it going to be later on when it's my kid's big day/event?