Family Matters
Doglover98
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My sister read my journal and wrote horrible things in it?
I'm 17 and my sister is 12. We've always had a very bad relationship, she steals my things, no matter how many times I've caught her and told her to never go into my room. We basically have no relationship and I like it that way. She is the kind of person I don't want to know. She is troubled, I know this. My parents know this. She is very confrontational and she is never satisfied. She's always yelling about something. I recently was going through one of my older journals just for the fun of it. I suddenly came across a page scrawled with obscenities saying "fuck you [my name]" and "whore" "fuck you" "motherfucker" and more. I was highly disturbed. I went back a page and realized I had written something about my sister on that page, complaining about her for something she did. While I agree what I wrote isn't nice, it wasn't meant for anyone else besides me to read. I'm a very private person and I've always been good at expressing how I feel through writing, its my only outlet and I never meant for anyone else besides me to read the things I wrote. I wrote all kinds of things, about boys, friends, and just my feelings in general. I feel sick to my stomach knowing someone else has read my deepest most inner thoughts. My parents don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. They always say the feel bad for my sister because she is as I said, troubled, but they have never stopped to think about it affects me. How her stealing my things, reading my journal, and more, have affected how I grew up. She needs help. How can we help her? My parents are afraid to get her professional help because they don't want her to be labled as mentally ill. But she needs help before she does more damage to the other relationships in her life. Ours can no longer be salvaged, but she's still young enogh to change. Any suggestions?
Re: My sister read my journal and wrote horrible things in it?
Get a doorknob with a keyed entry for your bedroom door --- any ole home improvement store has 'em and they cost about 10 bucks ---- and lock up any and all of your stuff that matters to you.
They take about 15 minutes to install and only a screwdriver is needed to install it.
You have one key and you hold onto the other one as a spare. That's the only way to keep her out.
Get a lock box, a trunk, a lock on your closet -- anything that she cannot access or pick open or jimmy to her hearts content. Get a second keyed entry lock for your closet, too.
If you have any jewelry that matters to you or is valuable --- I don't know what you might have -- class ring, bracelet, what have you --- get a safety deposit box at a bank. I am sure you will "qualify" for one; you might need to open an account there. (I have one too and they are a godsend)
Your parents need to make rules. They probably enabhle the hell out of her and don't care what she does; this is bad news.
She is not to go into your room and vice versa --- gee, isn't that an unspoken official rule in any home? If it isn't, it should be --- and starting right now.
Is she a problem in school also? A dime says that if she's problematic at home, she is at school, too. This puts her at a great big disadvantage...and your parents probably get call after call from a teacher about your sis. They need to see the light...if they have not enforced rules by now, it's going to be an uphill battle to get them to start doing that now.
You and she have quite a distance in age between you. That is part of the problem -- you know how silly 6th/7th grade girls can be.
I know a guy who was 9 years older than his brother --- they never really got along....and they had to share a room. Imagine what that was like --- just based on the fact alone you're 17 and your brother is 8. That's a lot to cope with.:)
I get the idea that your parents let her have the run of the house, so to speak. This is wrong. As I said, they need to stop enabling her and have rules --- and if she takes anything of yours or violates a "house rule" time to withhold a privledge.
I hope you get this fixed. You have a right to privacy and you have a right to ensure theft doesn't occur.
This is why your sis needs a counselor to nip this I the bud --- stealing has to be curtailed before it leads to something a lot bigger --- they can get reference for a social worker or some other mental health professional from your district's child study team.
They need to get the stealing problem curtailed before she gets caught stealing something else bigger --- at school or from a neighbor or who knows who. At that point, it would be a criminal offense.
(I feel for you; I had a sibling who was out of control -- he lied a lot -- and my mother never had it nipped in the bud. Don't ask what kind of a handful he was)
If you are headed to college next year or the year after, that''ll be your saving grace. Stay in a dorm to get away from this battlezone at home.
To get your sis involved and active in a sport -- a school team, extracurricular or some sport like marital arts or dance lessons -- and an after school activity.
Every middle school or junior high has extracurricular clubs; so do many k-8 grammar schools. There are school choruses, band, music lessons, student council, etc.
She would be kept busy, it would be great for her in many other ways --- she will be doing something she is good at and she'll learn how to work with others, plus we all need to blow off steam -- and it would be less time for her to be at home, getting her nose into things that it has no business being in.
Everybody is good at something. I have never seen it fail.
THis young lady needs rules and reeling in. She needs to know what respect for other's privacy is about and she also needs intervention.
Some of this is age gap and some of this is tween rebellion --- most of it is not -- it would be a great idea for her parents to get her to a social worker for a few sessions. She needs intervention and the stealing is NOT "tween angst." This is something that needs attending to; ditto the lying.
Until the OP's parents realize that OP's Kid Sis is having a problem, this mess will continue. And so will the enablement with the kid sis. This isn't healthy for anybody.
I don't agree with all of the previous suggestions about locks on your doors without talking to your parents. I think you should talk to your parents about what options you can both agree on. If they don't agree to putting a lock on your door with a key, maybe just one that you can lock when you are in your room so that she can't just barge in. And to keep your journal and other things private, maybe they can get you a security box/safe for at home that you can keep your journal and other small things like jewelry that mean a lot to you. With you only being 17, I'm not sure if a bank would allow you to get a safe box at the bank without a parent's consent because you are still a minor. Plus that wouldn't be easy then for you to get to your journal when you want to write in it.
In regards to getting her help, your sister may not have any mental health issues. It could be just that at her age, she is going through a lot of emotions and hormone changes and doesn't know how to deal with them. I know at that age, my niece had anger issues and didn't know how to deal with them. Which lead to verbal fights with her parents, her punching holes in walls and breaking other things. With the help of a wonderful doctor, she learned that the emotions she is going through is normal and they found more healthy ways for her to deal with them. One thing the doctor recommended which helped my niece a lot was that they got her a punching bag & gloves. So whenever she was angry, she could take it out on the punching bag. Sometimes I would be over visiting, she would be on her phone and then all of a sudden you would hear her punching away hard on the bag. 20-30 minutes later she would come down, and we would ask her, if she wants to talk, sometimes she would, sometimes she wouldn't because she would have already calmed down & figured things out. I'm sharing this story not necessarily as a way that would work for your sister, but for you to know & share with your parents, that taking her to a doctor doesn't mean that she will be labeled with a mental illness. Sometimes having an outsider to talk to, can help a person figure out what the problems are that are making them the way they are, and ways to offset it. Another note, my niece is now a very happy well adjusted 21 year old who knows how to deal with her emotions, especially her anger. And if she does by chance have a mental illness, the sooner they get her help, the sooner she can have a more normal and happy life, which isn't what all parents want for their kids?
That being said OP I do think you deserve a lock box of sorts, and I would really hope your parents would buy you one, even if they want to know the combo too.