He doesn't want kids anymore

TSNNMM · October 2015

Married 6.5 years, together 11.5 years

Neither of us have ever been super enthusiastic or eager about having kids. We both agreed we'd have them one day--we just didn't know when that would be. Well, now that I'm inching closer to 35, I'm ready. Sooooo ready. The urge really came out of nowhere a couple months ago. He's already 40. But somewhere along the way he had a change of heart about kids. He's gotten so used to our freedom. Great careers. Plenty of money. Vacations. We can sleep in on weekends. Date nights whenever we want. All the carefree stuff you can do freely without kids. And he doesn't want to change that.

But I'm bored. We don't do anything but work, watch TV, eat, and repeat that same cycle every day. Is that supposed to be it.. forever? I think a child would be a meaningful and fulfilling addition to our relationship. It's been just the two of us for almost 12 years. His solution? He told me to get a hobby. And when he sees that I'm disappointed with his answer, he says, "Fine, if you want a baby, let's have one. Let me know when you're ready." But he doesn't really mean it.

He makes it sound like I'm in it all by myself.

I refuse to do what some wives do--just get pregnant without his consent and hope he gets excited. That's just so deceitful to me.

Anyone else been through this? What did you do?

(And no, we're not getting a dog instead. He had his chance with that and he blew it.)

FutureMrsWright2012 · October 2015

I don't have any experience with this, but it sounds like it might be a good idea to see a counselor to work through some of these issues with an experienced and neutral 3rd party?

TSNNMM · November 2015

Oh, we have a therapist. Although she's technically MY therapist, he does join me in a session or two every now and then. Her advice was for me to see my obgyn, stop taking BC and just get pregnant and he will be fine. I think that's awful advice and I'm not sure I should continue seeing her.

ILoveRedVino · November 2015

TSNNMM said:
Oh, we have a therapist. Although she's technically MY therapist, he does join me in a session or two every now and then. Her advice was for me to see my obgyn, stop taking BC and just get pregnant and he will be fine. I think that's awful advice and I'm not sure I should continue seeing her.

This is bad advice. I would recommend a new therapist, and not just "your" therapist. Marriage counseling isn't just for people in marriage crisis.... It'd be good to talk this out with a third party.

englishtrish1 · November 2015

Your therapist is a moron and needs to lose her license. What do you mean by he had his chance with a dog and blew it? I had a friend who was in your situation, they always sorta agreed someday they would have kids, and then her someday arrived and his didn't. Turns out he had never wanted kids and took my friends someday as meaning she didn't really want them either. It turned into a heartbreaking situation that had no real winners

Disneygeek77 · November 2015

Find a new counselor because you have some difficult decisions to make.

groovylocks · November 2015

TSNNMM said:

Vacations. We can sleep in on weekends. Date nights whenever we want. All the carefree stuff you can do freely without kids. And he doesn't want to change that.

But I'm bored. We don't do anything but work, watch TV, eat, and repeat that same cycle every day.

So.. he wants to stay childless so you can continue to do all these awesome jetset couple things that you're not doing? If these things meant that much to him, that second paragraph wouldn't be there.

He doesn't want kids anymore

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