deleted

moonbeem · January 2016

hoffse · January 2016

OK I'll bite. My impressions, in no particular order:

1) If your $300K savings is in cash, that's way too much cash to be keeping around. Please do something with it because you are losing 1-2% per year just to inflation.

2) $150K is still an enormous renovation budget. Around here you could gut a whole house or put on a (large) addition for that. Where do you live and what kind of renovation plans do you have in mind that would cost more than $150K?

3) Are you opposed to debt financing? Personally, I would not want to pour that much cash into my house all at once.

4) Your spouse should never be verbally abusive to you. That goes without saying. If he's really being abusive (and not just disagreeing with you vehemently), then I would shut that down ASAP.

5) It sounds like you are reluctant to have this pregnancy. If that's not the case, you might want to consider how you phrase that sort of thing online and also to your H.

6) Has your H told you why he wants to own property, rather than lease? There are definitely some tax advantages to owning property, but also increased liability. If you guys can sit down and calmly talk about both side of this, perhaps you can come to a resolution.

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2016

Yeah, I don't know how to respond to this but I do agree with what hoffse said. You both need to calm down a bit and have a rational discussion.

One other thing that wasn't pointed out, do you really want to do a whole house renovation with a newborn? Maybe you split the money and use some for the house, going room by room and saving more as you go, and use the other half to help the business grow.

Decisions involving this much $$$ should not be made unless both people involved agree. It's too much money and has already started causing resentment without anything decided. Do you guys do a monthly budget, so you talk finances a lot, or is it just when big issues come up?

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2016

Should have quoted

hoffse · January 2016

CuriousKiddosMama said:

Should have quoted

Gah I know - I thought we were being pretty nice!

vlagrl29 · January 2016

I missed it! What happened?

jtmh2012 · January 2016

*shakes head*

CuriousKiddosMama · January 2016

vlagrl29 said:
I missed it! What happened?

Basically a melt down/stream of consciousness post. But I thought we were being nice. She is pregnant with their 3rd. Unsure she really wants it, but her dh is, and he seemed kind of controlling and verbally abusive. They live in a 2 bedroom house and had been saving for a home remodel which she wants to do ASAP. He decided he wanted to use the money to build/buy something for his business instead of renting. They had $150k for the remodel (where the comments about that's a lot of $$$ came from). She seemed really stressed out over it, and the fact that her dh doesn't want to listen to her.
Kind of hope she comes back when she's calmer and let's us know how she's doing. But honestly I think they need marriage counseling, I just didn't want to offend her on her first post.

Xstatic3333 · January 2016

CuriousKiddosMama said:

I missed it! What happened?
Basically a melt down/stream of consciousness post. But I thought we were being nice. She is pregnant with their 3rd. Unsure she really wants it, but her dh is, and he seemed kind of controlling and verbally abusive. They live in a 2 bedroom house and had been saving for a home remodel which she wants to do ASAP. He decided he wanted to use the money to build/buy something for his business instead of renting. They had $150k for the remodel (where the comments about that's a lot of $$$ came from). She seemed really stressed out over it, and the fact that her dh doesn't want to listen to her. Kind of hope she comes back when she's calmer and let's us know how she's doing. But honestly I think they need marriage counseling, I just didn't want to offend her on her first post.

I read the whole thing before it was deleted. You guys were definitely very polite. I'm hoping it didn't come down because she was worried her H would see and get mad.

als1982 · January 2016

Xstatic3333 said:

CuriousKiddosMama said:

vlagrl29 said:
I missed it! What happened?
Basically a melt down/stream of consciousness post. But I thought we were being nice. She is pregnant with their 3rd. Unsure she really wants it, but her dh is, and he seemed kind of controlling and verbally abusive. They live in a 2 bedroom house and had been saving for a home remodel which she wants to do ASAP. He decided he wanted to use the money to build/buy something for his business instead of renting. They had $150k for the remodel (where the comments about that's a lot of $$$ came from). She seemed really stressed out over it, and the fact that her dh doesn't want to listen to her.
Kind of hope she comes back when she's calmer and let's us know how she's doing. But honestly I think they need marriage counseling, I just didn't want to offend her on her first post.

I read the whole thing before it was deleted. You guys were definitely very polite. I'm hoping it didn't come down because she was worried her H would see and get mad.

This. I'm guessing the OP felt pretty gun-shy about airing this information and I can't blame her. We post some pretty private, personal details on here and don't think there's anything wrong with going back to redact some of that (I certainly do). I know other boards "QFP" but I think that's a pretty mean thing to do.

vlagrl29 · January 2016

well you guys were super nice - I have no patience for any form of abuse - mental, verbal, - I would have been more frank because I've been there.

moonbeem · January 2016

"I'm hoping it didn't come down because she was worried her H would see and get mad."

This.

Xstatic3333 · January 2016

I'm sorry OP. Best wishes and take care of yourself.

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