Family Matters
Amy767
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Smoking in-laws
I am just curious how others have handled this or similar situations.
Most of my DH's family live out of town, but many smoke. We do not, and do not want that in our home or near any future children. We are looking to purchase a new home this year and then start a family. I do not want the family, or friends, to get the idea that they can smoke at our house because when we have children (and will be trying shortly) we do not want them to smoke at all, period. Not even go outside & come back in. Nothing.
I know that may seem little "over the top" but I do not handle the smell of smoke well, it makes me nauseous, and we just DO NOT want any 2nd hand smoke or even just off clothes and skin to be in our home or most importantly holding our baby(ies).
Ideas? It is really that I just don't want to change the rules part way through living in our house. I thought it might be easier to just set them when we move & that's that.
** I forgot to mention that there are other babies on that side of the family & the family smokes around them, which is why we are concerned it will happen here.
Most of my DH's family live out of town, but many smoke. We do not, and do not want that in our home or near any future children. We are looking to purchase a new home this year and then start a family. I do not want the family, or friends, to get the idea that they can smoke at our house because when we have children (and will be trying shortly) we do not want them to smoke at all, period. Not even go outside & come back in. Nothing.
I know that may seem little "over the top" but I do not handle the smell of smoke well, it makes me nauseous, and we just DO NOT want any 2nd hand smoke or even just off clothes and skin to be in our home or most importantly holding our baby(ies).
Ideas? It is really that I just don't want to change the rules part way through living in our house. I thought it might be easier to just set them when we move & that's that.
** I forgot to mention that there are other babies on that side of the family & the family smokes around them, which is why we are concerned it will happen here.
Re: Smoking in-laws
People are fine with this rule, believe me. IF they aren't, they are not worthwhile having as friends.
I'm with you on the smoke free home thing. We don't smoke either, but just be aware, smokers will pretty much always smell like smoke. Especially their clothes. So even if they didn't smoke since leaving their house, it'll still be in their vehicles, their clothes, etc....
I understand you not wanting them to smoke inside your home, but outside is going overboard. I have an aunt that smokes outside, she comes back in goes to the bathroom washes her hands and rinses her mouth, puts lotion on and refreshes her make up and she does not smell like smoke at all. Wherever you go there will be people smoking outside and your kids will see this everyday in their lives and you can't shelter them from what goes on in the world.
I say set rules that if they smoke outside they should dispose properly of the cigarette butts and wash up immediately after. That's the best you can do.
Would having them spray with Febreeze help with the smoke smell for you?
As for smoking outside, it is illegal here to smoke within 7.5 meters, so 25 ft of any common window, door, air vent or intake anyways--- so it already limits smoking in a lot of public places. I just think people can generally wait for the 1-2 hours that they would be at my house visiting.... That's just my personal opinion.
This doesn't give them any rights to smoke wherever they want. Like I said - I agree with you. I'm not a smoker and I really don't want people smoking around me/ my house. But I'll throw out my anecdote:
BIL and his GF are chain smokers. Her more so than him. The first thing she does after getting out of a car where she couldn't smoke is to light up. This woman has seen her father suffer from mouth cancer because of smoking, she herself has had skin cancer on her face - none of this stops her. She smokes all the time.
If we told them they weren't allowed to smoke at all when they were around us... well, I can pretty much guarantee we'd never see them. Or at least her. I think BIL would probably suck it up. But if she's with him? That would absolutely affect how often we see them. Which, as they live 4 hours away, isn't alot as it is. And I know DH wouldn't want to do anything to make them come to see us even less.
My ONLY point is that depending on how staunch you are on this rule and the kind of smokers you have in your family- this could affect their willingness to come see you. Now, if you don't care and are fine w/ them not coming to your house, then good. It all works out.
But you just have to be aware that this COULD be a fall out. Again - doesn't mean you have to allow it, it doesn't mean you're wrong on ANY level. But you can't control people's reactions and as serious of an issue as this may be to you, you do have to understand that smoking for some people is just so deeply rooted in them that yeah, smoking may be more important to them than coming to see your baby.
My mom died of lung cancer after being a smoker for almost 50 years. The doctors told her "If you quit smoking now, it will be the equivalent to a chemo treatment". Want to know what she did? She DIDN'T quit. And she died only 2 months later. That's how much of a smoker she was. She wanted to live - but she wasn't willing to give up smoking even if it may have made a positive impact on her ability to live longer.
THAT is how serious smoking can be to some people.