Dying to TTC, but husband wants to wait. Have you been in this situation before?!

mimmywhite · February 2016

Hello!

So, my husband and I have been married for just about 3 years, together for over 6. All of his younger siblings have kids and all of my older siblings have kids. I have been dying to become a mother for as long as I can remember! He told me he wants to wait until we sell our house this Spring, but now we've moved it back to the Summer to list our house. I feel like selling our house is just an excuse because who knows how long it will take to conceive and its not like once we do, the baby will be here in a couple short months. Timing will never be perfect and I don't know if he actually realizes it. I am going to be 31 soon and I know that isn't that old, but not knowing any of my family medical history doesn't help. It took my (adopted) sister years to have their first baby, which is another reason why I don't want to wait. I'm getting to the point where it makes me super sad that we are not at least trying. It's all I think about most of the day and I think I've nagged him enough about it. He doesn't seem to understand how much a woman wants to be a mom.

Have you been through something like this before? I don't have many girlfriends, but I feel like it shouldn't be this difficult to convince a husband who truly loves his wife.

FutureMrsWright2012 · February 2016

This is not something I have been through, but it sounds like it might be helpful for you and your H to meet with a counselor who is experienced in this area. Best of luck to you both.

mimmywhite · February 2016

Thanks so much for your advice! We've talked about seeing a genetic counselor since I am adopted, so I think I will try and set that up.

islandmonkey8 · February 2016

I haven't been through this really. But you and your husband definitely want to be on the same page. 31 isn't old. Even if you have (hopefully you don't) trouble trying, you've got time. Give your husband some time.

mimmywhite · February 2016

Oh I know:). It just isn't easy when everyone around me is having kids left and right. And the waiting seems never ending. Always excuses. But oh well! I've accepted to wait, as why would anyone want to have a baby with someone who doesn't feel the same way. Thanks!

Javenika · February 2016

I totally understand what you are going through. My husband and I have been together a lot longer, but I'm also 31 and I'm ready, but he isn't yet. We've always talked about starting our family around 30, which in my mind meant baby by 30, but it is important to us that we are both ready. It is so tough because it seems like the more ready you are, the more people you notice are pregnant and having babies. I feel like at least daily a friend, Facebook friend or coworker is announcing they are pregnant! I don't know how often you talk about it with your husband, but we talk about it enough that I know he does want kids, and will be ready "soon", but I don't nag and talk about it constantly. I think it is helpful to know wher your husband is coming from. We bought a fixer upper about 18 months ago, and he wants to have at least the core living space finished before we have a baby. In my mind, I can be pregnant during a remodel, but he reminded me the other day that we have a fair amount of lead paint exposed and that isn't good for pregnant women to be around. It's nice to have a rational thinker on my side, and it is helpful to know where he is coming from.

mimmywhite · February 2016

Thanks so much for your comment! Comforting to know that I'm not the only one, as like I said everyone around me is having kids and their husbands don't need nearly as much convincing.

Yeah, that is something to keep in mind when doing remodeling to a home. It can be super tough to wait when its all you think about and you feel like you are more than ready.

Timing for us I feel like isn't bad at all, as we plan to sell our house in May and it will probably take at least 3 months to conceive. My husband is afraid of the costs of having kids when he makes way more money than anyone we know our age and he just seems to be making excuses when your husband actually has a good reason. But I've accepted having to wait. I don't want to be the only one excited about when we hopefully do become pregnant.

Good luck to you! I truly appreciate you sharing your story and will be thinking of you!

GABride2010 · March 2016

@mimmywhite I have been exactly where you are. In fact, I had baby fever for over 4 years before H was ready to TTC.

You CANNOT nag your H about this. If he is not ready, then he just isn't ready. If you nag him to the point that he finally relents to start TTC, he will resent you for that. Waiting is super hard...trust me, I know. Waiting is just something you have to do. Hugs!

Dying to TTC, but husband wants to wait. Have you been in this situation before?!

Re: Dying to TTC, but husband wants to wait. Have you been in this situation before?!

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