Barely MMR/AW: I'm going to be an aunt!!

hoffse · February 2016

Y'all, I'm so excited about this. H's brother called over the weekend and told us he and his wife are pregnant with their first. We are just thrilled! It's the first grandchild on H's side, and his parents are just giddy about it

I can't wait to be an aunt! I feel like that's a really fun job. I never really even thought about it because I'm an only child, so I never grew up thinking about having nieces and nephews.

Also, I'm pretty sure H has never held a newborn. Ever. I can't wait to see how he reacts to it.

Now for the MM part of this... I kind of feel like we are going to want to do something to help the baby (financially). I'm trying to put off thinking about it until we've processed the news, because I know we're really excited right now. But I also know that H and I are set up to do way better financially than BIL & SIL, and we'll have the ability to help. I was thinking about taking a hint from @labro and starting a 529, but I'm not sure we would want BIL and SIL knowing about it. Doing something like that would take some planning for us, because we certainly weren't figuring that into our budget this year.

jessica490 · February 2016

Congrats!

csuave · February 2016

Yay!!!! I LOVE being an aunt (and Godmother to one of my brother's 3 kids) and H is adorable as an uncle. He married into being an uncle and had no experience with kids until he started hanging out with our N's. I swear he cheers louder than the parents and grandparents do at their sporting events.

Have fun planning for your N!

short+sassy · February 2016

Congratulations! I only have one sister. Her and her H have two kids. Although I'm not a big fan of having kids myself, it's AWESOME to be an aunt. I only wish I lived way closer, because they are out in CA.

I have to admit, I've thought about setting up a 529 for each of them, but haven't done it yet. I just haven't felt quite in the right financial place to set aside even a relatively small amount each month for that.

Something else for you all to keep in mind is, although you don't have any children now, I know you all plan to in the future. Of course, it's wonderful if you can comfortably afford to set aside money for both your niece/nephew and own future children, but still something to keep in mind.

I don't think 529s existed when I was a child, but I know my grandparents put aside some college money for each grandchild on their birthday. I had no idea they had done that until I was getting ready to start college. My parents had set aside money also, but I remember physically feeling waves of relief that I had even more money to go toward college than I had been expecting.

brij2006 · February 2016

Congratulations!

You could always just set up a money market fund that you toss money into and give him/her when you feel the time is right. If you didn't want to go the 529 direction.

labro · February 2016

Congratulations!!!!! I was so excited about this time last year for my sister when she had announced her first pregnancy publicly!

With a 529 I think you can easily change a designee so if it's something you want to "surprise" them with later on in the child's life you can always get the relevant information (SSN) at that time and keep the account and the money in it a secret until then.

I thought about (and still am thinking about) purchasing some savings bonds to give as a gift to my niece on her first birthday but I haven't really made a decision and H and I need to discuss it anyway. I've also considered just gifting her a piggy bank with some cash in it as a start on her first ever savings.

Seeing my H hold my niece for the first time definitely gave me a strong twinge in the ovaries. It was the sweetest thing! This weekend I got to babysit her and she gave us her first ever deep belly laughs. She's been squealing as her way of laughing but this was the first time she's ever truly chuckled and laughed at something.

formerlyGDaisy09 · February 2016

yay! aunts are the best!

We'd talked about doing this for my SILs' kids, that was when there were two of them, we now have 5 nieces and nephews and it would just be totally impractical. Now we try to do nicer more education oriented gifts (or at least non-electronic gifts they have to use their brains with a little).

I don't think 529s have to be designated to a specific person, they just have to be used for education. My parents are opening a 529 for DD (they recently hit milestones of paying off their mortgage, and having all three of us out of college, so they lost a lot of their usual itemized deductions and were looking for a way to do something for DD and reduce their taxable income).

maple2 · February 2016

Why wouldn't you want BIL and SIL to know if you set up a 529? Feel free not to answer if it's too nosey of a question, I just know that as a parent I would want to know if someone was setting up something like this for my child so I could make sure to plan accordingly when doing my own college saving. For various reasons, there is only so much money we are comfortable putting in a fund earmarked for education (possible scholarships, free tuition as an employee benefit, etc.), so we are splitting or college savings between 529s and regular mutual funds.

We decided to save money for our nephew in a mutual fund rather than a 529. Neither of his parents had graduated from college before he was born, so we didn't want to tie up our money in a 529 if he might not attend either. Instead, we'll just give him the mutual fund or a lump sum at some point in his life.

Also, just to clarify, 529s do have to have a designated beneficiary, but it is relatively easy to change who that person is. The main caveat is that the new beneficiary has to be a relative of the previous beneficiary. Some plans limit the number of times a beneficiary can be changed in a single year as well.

hoffse · February 2016

529's do need a beneficiary, but they can be changed. I guess we could just keep adding money to mine and then make a decision later if we want to give it to nieces/nephews. My H and I were talking about $1,000/year or something like that. It probably wouldn't pay for a whole year of tuition, but it could seriously defray the costs of ancillary expenses like books or a computer. It works out to less than $100/month that way, and we could work it into our current budget.

Though you guys are right that if we have more nieces/nephews that could get very expensive very fast, because we would want to treat them equally.

Oh we'll figure out something - we're just too excited to make a rational decision right now!

formerlyGDaisy09 · February 2016

hoffse said:

529's do need a beneficiary, but they can be changed. I guess we could just keep adding money to mine and then make a decision later if we want to give it to nieces/nephews. My H and I were talking about $1,000/year or something like that. It probably wouldn't pay for a whole year of tuition, but it could seriously defray the costs of ancillary expenses like books or a computer. It works out to less than $100/month that way, and we could work it into our current budget.

Though you guys are right that if we have more nieces/nephews that could get very expensive very fast, because we would want to treat them equally.

Oh we'll figure out something - we're just too excited to make a rational decision right now!

lots of time to decide! I'd just keep contributing to your 529 and decide what to do with it 18 years from now when how many nieces and nephews there are is more clear (and your own family is complete). There's so much other spoiling you can do for a first baby that second and thrid babies would still benefit from (developmental toys, books, etc), plus even just visiting to be a baby holder is win-win for everyone (though I recommend also showing up with snacks or a meal in hand, my favorite baby visitors were those that walked in the door said I brought you lunch, gimme the baby so you can eat and have a shower!)

AprilZ81 · February 2016

hoffse said:

529's do need a beneficiary, but they can be changed. I guess we could just keep adding money to mine and then make a decision later if we want to give it to nieces/nephews. My H and I were talking about $1,000/year or something like that. It probably wouldn't pay for a whole year of tuition, but it could seriously defray the costs of ancillary expenses like books or a computer. It works out to less than $100/month that way, and we could work it into our current budget.

Though you guys are right that if we have more nieces/nephews that could get very expensive very fast, because we would want to treat them equally.

Oh we'll figure out something - we're just too excited to make a rational decision right now!

I've thought about doing this for our nephews & niece but there are three of them and it could get expensive.

I think this might be a good place for a mutual fund account that you contribute to when you can and as much as you want. If they have more kids you can then just make a withdrawn for the amount you want to gift each kid when they graduate high school (or whenever) and you can keep the gifts equal.

JoanE2012 · February 2016

Congrats! Being an aunt is the best!

CuriousKiddosMama · February 2016

Congrats!!!!! I think a 529 would be great, as it would help them start off in the real world with a lot less debt. One thing though, you don't necessarily have to start it this yet for them if you don't want to change your budget and goals for the year. I'm assuming baby is probably not due until October at the earliest (depending upon how far along your sil is) so even if you started the 529 next year he or she would only be a couple months so you will have plenty of time for the $ to grow and for you to contribute.

hoffse · February 2016

maple2 said:

Why wouldn't you want BIL and SIL to know if you set up a 529? Feel free not to answer if it's too nosey of a question, I just know that as a parent I would want to know if someone was setting up something like this for my child so I could make sure to plan accordingly when doing my own college saving. For various reasons, there is only so much money we are comfortable putting in a fund earmarked for education (possible scholarships, free tuition as an employee benefit, etc.), so we are splitting or college savings between 529s and regular mutual funds.

We decided to save money for our nephew in a mutual fund rather than a 529. Neither of his parents had graduated from college before he was born, so we didn't want to tie up our money in a 529 if he might not attend either. Instead, we'll just give him the mutual fund or a lump sum at some point in his life.

Also, just to clarify, 529s do have to have a designated beneficiary, but it is relatively easy to change who that person is. The main caveat is that the new beneficiary has to be a relative of the previous beneficiary. Some plans limit the number of times a beneficiary can be changed in a single year as well.

Oh sorry, I just saw this.

I'm not sure about letting them know about it for a couple reasons. First, H's relationship with his brother has been strained in the past. BIL has been very jealous of H (financially) and has done a really poor job of hiding it. I wouldn't want them to think we were throwing money in their face or anything like that. We try really hard not to talk about our lifestyle around them. Frankly, most of the time the swanky dinners and charity ball tickets are paid for by our jobs. But there are some things we simply can't hide, like our travel or home remodeling. They don't really have a sense of how cheap we are in other aspects of our life; they just see that we went to Belgium over Christmas and BIL gets pissed about it, even though we paid for most of the trip with points. It gets awkward fast.

Also, we want to keep our options open to change our mind if we feel the need to. I don't think that will happen, but famous last words, right? I am confident that this would not go over well in his family if anybody knew about it. I think that after they got over the feeling of us throwing money in their faces, they would feel entitled to it. If we then changed our mind.... Family Feud.

To be clear, BIL and SIL aren't bad people at all, it's just this one thing that has really strained BIL and H's relationship.

lbonga1 · February 2016

That's so exciting! FI and I are both only children, so that's not something that we'll get to be able to experience.

If you aren't sure if they'll have more children and you'd want to treat all of them equally, you could set up something like a Vanguard Life Strategy Fund. That way you can base it on about how much time you'll be keeping the money in the account, and you could divide it up if they have more children. I don't think you'd be able to take the tax deduction like you would with a 529 though.

vlagrl29 · February 2016

How neat! DH and I will never be aunts or uncle because we are both only kids

I don't think you have to keep it a secret - you can let them know about it and when you make deposits for b days or xmas.

PurpleBookmark · February 2016

Congratulations, being an aunt is awesome!!

NicA617 · February 2016

Congrats!! i love being an aunt! we have 8 nieces & xmas shopping for them is SO MUCH FUN.

hoffse · February 2016

NicA617 said:

Congrats!! i love being an aunt! we have 8 nieces & xmas shopping for them is SO MUCH FUN.

Not going to lie, I am STOKED to have an excuse to buy toys again, lol

blondie42107 · February 2016

Congrats!!! I love being an aunt x4!!!

My suggestion, if you want to do something financially - long term, would be to just save money in anyway that you feel is best but not tied to a specific person. So that way if upon high school graduation, you want to gift them money or help with tuition, etc you can easily do that.

Our kids have a few savings bond (prior to them changing) and I kind of regret it. The bank my parents use told them they needed the persons SS# in order to put it in that child's name. Long story short, I trust my parents however I would never want anyone else to have it. My friend's MIL used her own SS# and listed the child as the co-owner however later changed the co-owner? and removed the child from it. I don't remember all the details but it was a lot of drama and I don't remember all the details.

FutureMrsMerati · February 2016

That's so exciting! Being an aunt is great - you get to spoil the baby, and give it back when it's cranky

But seriously, you will have so much fun!

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