Money Matters
als1982
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MM bummer: unexpected family wedding expenses.
Ugh, I am so frustrated. Two weeks ago, H's step sister called me and asked me to be a last minute bridesmaid in her wedding (wedding is first weekend in May), taking the place (and already ordered dress) of someone else. I said yes assuming that for a variety of reasons (see last minute and existing dress, plus also general courtesy) that the dress and everything would be taken care of. Well, on Friday we went in for fittings, and I took the cue that I was to pay. Okay fine, I'll pick up that $70 charge for the alterations. Then, today she texts me the receipt for the dress and shoes (Toms) to the tune of an additional $280. I'm completed floored by this rudeness and don't know how to tactfully respond, especially knowing full well that her dad and H's mom are picking up the tab for the entire wedding and the couple is likely pocketing a good chunk of what SFIL and MIL are giving them. What would you do in this situation? How should I tactfully respond? We can afford it, but our student loan payment for this month is already dwindling due to the cost of an emergency root canal. 
HeartlandHustle | Personal Finance and Betterment Blog
Re: MM bummer: unexpected family wedding expenses.
I have no idea. I think the others are her sister and niece (who I've never met), her finance's teenage niece, and a friend (who I just met on Saturday at the fitting).
The sad thing is that we're probably the only ones who CAN afford it. I just don't want to spend the money on a terrible dress and shoes that I'll never ever wear again.
So very true. From what I can tell this wedding is full of etiquette no-nos from no true rehearsal dinner to a Catholic gap, so I don't think there's been much thought about others from the beginning.
I agree, though I might just do it instead of telling her about it. We both tend to give less extravagant gifts when we're in the wedding, and instead give something smaller but meaningful. All my bridesmaids did the same to me. I'd also be wondering, if I were you, what other expenses might be coming. Will there be mandated hair? Invoice for a crazy bachelorette party? I do think I'd tell her, if/when you give money for the dress, that unfortunately that's your budget for being a bridesmaid.
Personally, this is what I would fall back on. Tell her that you originally said you would accept only if these items were being covered.
Or....you could take the passive aggressive route and just ignore the "bill" and see what happens.
If you let her know that she is important, the wedding is important and you are making effort on your side to pay for these things then it is on her if drama is created. It may also nip future potential expenses in the bud.
Except she may just say, "Oh, that's no trouble, I'll pay for it all for you." Then, you're on the hook for a $200 wedding gift! Same problem.
Not really. We had already budgeted the $200 for a gift. But $200 given because we want to bless them with a nice gift as they start their marriage is much different than being asked for it as reimbursement for doing her a favor.
Oh absolutely. I texted her this morning to let her know that we could do the $200. We won't be getting a gift otherwise, but I don't know that we need to say that outright.
If you're not going to give a gift due to the circumstances (totally understandable), I'd at least give them a card.
But that might also be a "me" thing. I just can't go to a wedding empty handed. I have to at least give a congratulations-type greeting card.
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