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Cover your plate
So since this is a money page I wanted to here what you all have to say about this. I read a post on facebook from The Knot about "covering your plate" with the amount of your cash gift when going to a wedding. Some people who posted said that they had never heard of this. Others said it's rude not to give the couple a gift that is equal to or more then what they spent per plate to host you. One person even went so far to say that if you can't afford to "cover your plate" that you should decline the invite to the wedding.
My opinion is that if you can't afford a wedding without having to worry about people covering their plate expense, you shouldn't have planned a wedding of that cost. If I'm invited to a wedding, my gift will be what I can afford from my budget. I do leave so much aside each month for birthday, Christmas & misc. gifts, but don't plan to clear it out for any one gift. And maybe I'm in the wrong, but I don't believe in messing up my budget & not being able to pay for something else just to give someone a gift.
What are your thoughts? Have you heard of wedding guests "covering their plates" and what if the guest can't afford that?
Re: Cover your plate
I'd never heard of it until I started on TheKnot. We got some cash for the wedding. Most of it as a wedding gift from my parents and my brother.
I think the other thing to remember is that TK and sites like it exist to perpetuate the big wedding business and they do that by trying to convince everything guests and the couple alike to spend more and more money.
But in a way I kind of think it is how I arrived at my standard gift giving amount. You see my mom is a very traditional kind of person and concerned with having good manners and etiquette. I believe when I was a kid I heard mom and dad talking about how much to give for a wedding gift and what it would cost per plate. I'm pretty sure covering the plate figured into the equation of how they do wedding gifting.
A lot of people will say "give what you can afford." This is great advice and I agree with it but for some people it doesn't really answer the question of how much to give. I, like my mom, want to just set a flat amount and have it as my wedding gift standard. I want it to be affordable but also a nice and appropriate gift. When I became old enough to give my own wedding gifts I asked my mom how much was appropriate and took her advice which may have been in some way informed by cost per plate. Ergo, my set amount may have some roots in cover your plate but more importantly is an affordable amount and an amount I feel happy with giving for a wedding gift.
For anyone that is interested in the statistics, my standard amount was $50. DH had the same standard when I married him so now we are $100 as a couple. We got nearly all cash gifts in a wide range of amounts but the most frequently occurring amount was $50 per single or $100 per couple....same as what we do. Our pricing per person had some other things included so hard to say how much the cost per plate for the dinner was, but I think it was not too far off from $50 per person for food and drinks.
I've also heard of the "cover your plate" idea, though more from the side of a guest feeling that is what they should do, rather than the bridal couple (thank goodness). But it is kind of silly. As some others pointed, the dollar amount for "covering your plate", would only be a rough guess at best.
I personally don't even think about or try to guess how much my "plate" will be. Depending on my budget, I generally give $50-$100 in cash/gifts for close friends and family members. $25-$50 for everyone else.
And yes, time and time again I've seen stories on TK where a couple is having a wedding they can't afford or are really struggling to afford. It's just not necessary and I don't understand why people do that. I think the wedding industry is just so pervasive in our society that people get these ideas that weddings are "supposed" to be like "this" and must include "x,y,z". And then it starts snowballing and getting complicated.
When, really, a couple just needs to host their guests appropriately. Like someone would do for any party. If that means they need to invite fewer guests to accomplish that. Great. Or invite a lot of guests, but to something more casual like a backyard BBQ, than that's great too. But people have this vision that their reception needs to be at night, with a DJ and dancing. Towering multi-tier cake, flowers everywhere, centerpieces, and favors. And they have to invite all their second cousins who they haven't seen since they were 5. Then wonder and stress how they will ever afford all of it.
Not knocking a traditional, larger wedding! But, if that is what a couple wants and can't afford it, than they just need to save for it and wait longer to get married. Another valid choice.
Bolded. I agree. This is the first time in my life - I'm 34 - I'm hearing of a "cover your plate" concept. While I'm 34, my family, all over the nation has never ever spoken of this either. Totally new concept to me.
A gift is a gift. It's not pay back!!! I completely think this is weird and rude (if a couple expects people to do this). If people just do it as their own self-imposed obligation, that's fine. But, a wedding reception is simply a party to celebrate the union. It' snot mandatory. Therefore, if a couple and/or their family has a reception/party, then the guests should be FREE TO BE GUESTS!!! Otherwise, they seem more like customers at a restaurant.