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i am amazed that there are really people like this
there's been some lametarded drama on the l.a. nest board and i'm just so appalled that there are truly women who think this way. a c&p of a response from some chick who posted some flameworthy crap and then dd'd:
nickoletta, thanks for your support. I'm sorry you bore the brunt of criticism for my letter. I don't want to continue to add fuel to the fire, but I do feel very strongly about the subject of staying home with my baby. I feel very strongly that mothers should want to stay home with their children and be their primary caregivers during the day. A day care provider can provide excellent care for children -they can be fond of or be very attached to your kids, but they will never, NEVER love your child the way you do. It's a simple as that.
And yes, I do believe that no mom "has to" go back to work. I know moms who "want to" go back, but say that they "have to." That's fine --I don't expect anyone to suddenly stop enjoying her job because she has a baby. I enjoyed my job tremendously, I enjoyed my byline, the recognition I got --and yes, it was terribly "fulfilling." I wanted to go back and work from home, but I didn't "have to". And now that's I've quit, I'm perfectly happy with identity as "just mom" and it's also terribly fulfilling. But if that isn't your choice, so be it --I don't have to agree. And to argue the financial "have to": I have friends who went back to work because their husbands couldn't be good men and assume the responsibility of providing for their families --even when these moms desperately wanted to stay home-- and so mom arranged for family to watch the kids while she went back to help provide financially. And no, I don't consider that "having to" go back to work.
Besides, my letter was not intended as a direct criticism of working mothers. It was, as the post was titled, intended for SAHM and fans of Dr. Laura. Many SAHMs don't feel as though they recieve the kind of support that working moms do; working moms are patted on the back and SAHMs are made to feel like traitors to the women's movement. My letter was for like-minded moms. Many of you may not like Dr. Laura, nor agree with her, but I happen to respect and admire her very much. I admire that she put her career to the side when she raised her son, and pursued it in the evenings, when her husband -his father- was home to care for him. I admire that she consistently puts children's interests first. I posted the link to my letter because I was honored that a nationally-syndicated radio host and best-selling author chose to post my letter on her site (and read it on the air, I later learned) so that the MILLIONS of like-minded moms in her audience could read and hear it.
There is no appeasing everyone, and I didn't intend to offend anyone, but I'm not apologizing for posting something I feel so very strongly about.
Re: i am amazed that there are really people like this
Oh, HEELLLLLL, no!
i confess that i stopped reading after this. i don't get angry easily, but i had the same reaction as y_l.
I've been lurking over there....it's almost laughable.
She wrote a letter to Dr. Laura, a complete hypocrite who lives in the 19th century....nuff said.
This.
I tend give a little bit more leeway on this type of subject in other parts of the country where there's a lower cost of living and it's much easier for one parent (dad or mom) to stay home, but the fact that people like this are still running their mouth makes me a sad panda.
Socializing foster puppies since 2009
Chart for TTC#2 - BFP 6.10.12, m/c 6.17.12 @ 4w3d ? BFP 7.14.12, EDD 3.27.13
Beta @ 15DPO: 441, P: 15.1 ? 19DPO: 2,784 ? 26DPO: 28,886 ? U/S 8/2: One happy HB!
Elective U/S @ 15w5d - it's a BOY! Confirmed at 19w6d. ?
here's the letter she wrote to dr. laura that she was so proud of having posted on the website:
Dear Dr. Laura
I've been meaning to write to you for a solid month, but I've been busy. My baby just had her 9-month-birthday, and in the last month; well, we've been busy: she's learned to clap, learned to drink from a cup and has developed a perfectly executed elbow-elbow, wrist-wrist wave worthy of a queen. We've been busy: we pick grass off the lawn, climb over the dog, chase the cats, sing silly songs and eat cheese.
But, a month ago I quit my job.
I never planned on returning to work after my baby was born, but my employers asked me to please stay on as a reporter and work full-time from home. I thought I had to give it a good-faith effort, because in theory it was the perfect situation. Our days would be spent doing the same things playing with the animals, making faces at one another but I found there was always a deadline looming over playtime.
Being a full-time mom and working a full-time job from home isn't easy! I caught myself anxiously wondering when the baby might take a nap so I could scribble out an article, and I'd hope she'd sleep for that extra fifteen minutes I'd need to complete an interview over the phone. I was becoming increasingly irritable, overwhelmed, and depressed. Though my co-workers and editors treated me like a hero ("Wow," they'd say, "We don't know how you get it all done!") I wasn't being any sort of hero at home... My husband and the baby both were getting crabby because I always was. So I quit.
I've been meaning to write you and tell you this for a month now, but we've been pretty busy being mommy-and-daughter around here. Being home with my baby, minus the distraction of an article coming due, that's how things are supposed to be.
When she sneezes a mouthful of banana at me and then giggles like mad, I feel pained that so many moms miss out on moments like that. I bristle when I hear mothers say they "have to" return to work: nobody "has to" return to work. If a household's livelihood depends on two incomes, how much of that income is then eaten by costly childcare? Whose 401K benefits or insurance plans are that good? What's the point?
Yes, I'll admit I miss my weekly by-lines just a little, but even working from home I know I'd miss out on so much more by plopping the baby in her playpen while I tried to work.
I would miss watching her gently scratch the elephant's ears in her "touch and feel" book. I'd miss seeing her try to lick the bedroom wall, just to test its texture. I'd miss when she offered the dog one of her own toys to chew.
You have my utmost respect for being a champion for moms, dads and kidlets everywhere and I'm proud to let you know that I'm one more mom who has joined the ranks of those who put their children's interests and their family's interests first.
I look forward to picking up a copy of your new book, "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms (and, for the sake of my dear husband, re-reading "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands!")
Best regards to you
Just wow.
It's amazing that it's 2009 and women are still tearing each other down, when in reality, we should be supporting each other and the choices that we make that are the best for our families. I know I don't have kids, but this still burns me to know end. And I'd feel the same way if it were a working mom saying that all the SAHM's are ridiculous and need to get back to the office.
Socializing foster puppies since 2009
Chart for TTC#2 - BFP 6.10.12, m/c 6.17.12 @ 4w3d ? BFP 7.14.12, EDD 3.27.13
Beta @ 15DPO: 441, P: 15.1 ? 19DPO: 2,784 ? 26DPO: 28,886 ? U/S 8/2: One happy HB!
Elective U/S @ 15w5d - it's a BOY! Confirmed at 19w6d. ?
I have no words.
I can feel my blood pressure rising.
Things like this make me so angry. First of all, it's total BS that all women don't "have" to work after having a baby. Many do. The cost of living is high, and most people are pretty close to living to their means of their combined salaries. If I had a baby, FOR SURE I would have to go back to work. But I guess that's really my fault for not finding a wealthy husband. And for wanting to buy things for myself.
It's a freaking choice. For some, the right choice is to stay home. But I don't see how going to work is bad for your kids. You may actually, god forbid, set an example that you need to work hard in life.
Also, Dr. Laura is BSC. Has anyone mentioned she's estranged from her daughter?
I lurk over there and have followed from the beginning.
I want to punch the OP as well. She really deserves eternal flaming for this.
has developed a perfectly executed elbow-elbow, wrist-wrist wave worthy of a queen.
I couldn't get past this part. Wow!
If you've read the threads then you know my response. It has been a VERY long time since a post on a messageboard has gotten me so riled up. It's just ridiculous and I actually feel sorry for her daughter.
Interesting though, there is a subsequent LA board (a lot of the girls quit posting over there and thus moved to a new board) and in addition to Nickoletta one other SAHM has responded in support, but not quite so vehemently. No working mom has agreed with her and several SAHM or those of us that don't have children have even come close to agreeing with her.
My response was "holy hell" as well. She needs a little Women's History lesson if she really believes what she typed.
I'm not amazed.
My rather elitist father once told me, "The world is full of stupid people who aren't worth your time, so don't waste your time on them."
It's useless to employ logic against someone who clearly lacks the mental capacity to comprehend such things.
it all made sense once dr. laura was mentioned. I despise dr. laura with the fire of a thousand suns.
or whatever that saying is.
Ha, no joke!
Very true.
ditto. I don't have any kids either. But I find myself often frustrated with the roles that we women are "supposed" to be playing... we are set up so that we are supposed to be the perfect wife, mother, hold a fabulous job, keep our identity and have a social life, too. And if we slip in ANY of these areas, we are berated for it. usually by OTHER women. not cool.?
I agree!
I Lurve Dr. Laura. LOL
It's true!!
I think she's great. I don't however agree with everything this chic is saying BUT DO have a ton of respect for stay home moms.
Chart/Blog
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