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Mamas...please help! (LONG)
Ok, I'm getting close to my due date and issues about the big day are arising. I hope those of you who have already been through this can guide me!
I want only DH and MIL in the delivery room with me. Of course FIL and my dad (if he's back from Europe 
) are welcome to come in ASAP. That's the easy part.
There are A LOT of people who have said they want to come visit right away, which is understandable, but were any of you really in the mood for visitors just after giving birth? I have a huge family. My mom had 5 sisters and they want me to call them "as soon as the contractions start" because they want to be there. I don't want them to feel hurt if I put off calling them until after the baby comes. Should I just assume that I will be okay to have visitors? That's one issue.
Second issue:
SIL knows that DH and I hate her FI (I know that's a strong word but if you knew him you'd hate him too), but she is so Hell bent on forcing him down our throats, that she would actually show up with him. I DON'T WANT HIM THERE! To make matters worse, her DD is the biggest terror to ever walk this earth. She really is a dreadful child. I don't want her there either.
I know I sound like a biatch, but I am just trying to make the first day of my daughter's life a special bonding time.
Really, what I want to know from you is: will it matter in the end whether or not I am bombarded with endless visitors? Will I even notice SIL's demon-seed reeking havoc? If you were breastfeeding, was it really a hassle to do that and have visitors coming in and out? Should I just chill out and let everyone enjoy our new arrival?
Enlighten me, please! Be honest and TIA!
Re: Mamas...please help! (LONG)
My experience may be a bit different than usual b/c L was taken to the ICU right away because of his feet. After they weighed him and cleaned him off, I nursed him very briefly and then they whisked him away. I was fine with visitors being there immediately. The adrenaline hadnt worn off yet so I wasn't really tired. If L had stayed with me I may have felt differently and wanted more privacy to get started nursing and to bond.
While I was in labor, my H and mom were there the whole time (most everyone else was at work). My MIL and SILs stopped by too. At the time my epi was working so I was fine with visitors. I had planned on only mom and H in the room for delivery, but things happened really quick and my bro's wife was still there when it can time to start pushing. At that point I honestly could have cared less about it, so I said it was ok if she stayed. I would have been ok with more visitors, but again things happened really fast and I think everyone thought they had alot more time to stop by before L made his appearance.
BUT that's just me. You may well be exhausted and not want to be bothered by people you dont particularly care for. I dont think thats selfish or b*tchy at all. You have to give birth, you get the priority!
It really depends o nthe person and can vary greatly from one person to the next.
That being said, I had an epidural that worked like a charm, so I was completely ok with having my HUGE family there all day. When I wanted to nap, I simply kicked them out. After the delivery, Eric was taken to the nursery to get cleaned up, and my large group of visitors rotated between visiting Eric and I. My family is super close so I was okay with having them there. If I would have had a painful/complicated l&d things might have been different and I would have expected Jason to ask the guests to leave.
When they bruoght him back to me and it was time to feed him, everybody left except for my immediate family (mom and sisters). (dad went to get me dinner). They hung around for a bit then left.
Now as for the delivery room, I only wanted it to be my H. Well, things didn't go as planned and my mom was in there when it was time for me to push. At that point, all modesty goes out the window and I was okay with having her there because she doesn't get on my nerves : ) Any other guests though (like MIL) would definately have been booted!
This time around, I am not sure who will be in the delivery room besides Jason and Amy (she's taking pics : ), no vaj shots!) but I hope I will be as easygoing as I was with E.
Again, it's really up to you and how your labor pregresses that day and how you feel.
I haven't done this yet.... so this is just a plan.
Labor= DH and Val ~ THAT'S IT! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!
Afterwards= Immediate family, and only for a short while.
Everyone else can come visit me, baby and DH at home (and bring me food! LOL!)
Of course... this is only a plan... my mom may end up getting to stay around, but MIL.... yeah.... prob not! (espcially because she just wants a grandaughter... she will just want to know first and that is irking me
)
I always stayed away the first few days after my friends had their babies, family can be pushy and drain the new parents. The most receint birth, we didn't visit till 5 days later at their home, and it was sooo much nicer than visiting in the hospital room!
For me - I didn't want any visitors while I was in labor or soon after I had the baby. I didn't even want people to be hanging out in the waiting room waiting for me to have the baby! But that's just me though.
This is my thing: If everything is normal and baby is healthy, everyone can have their turn to see & hold baby as long as they want when YOU GET HOME or if they were really insistent, then I called them after I felt good and rested so that they could come visit us at the hospital . Call me selfish, but the the first hours of baby's life I wanted it to just be me, mh & baby.
I don't know about your hospital, but after I had the baby & he was weighed, cleaned up, checked, etc, we were left alone to bond with him for about 30-45 mins. It was so nice to just sit and hold the lil guy after all the flurry in giving birth to him.
And usually you don't get moved to the maternity ward until later...b/c they left us alone to bond with baby, the room wasn't cleaned thoroughly after the birth - there were patches of blood on the floor. Sorry TMI, but you asked for honesty, right?
After I had E and the nurse had me get up and walk to the restroom (this was after the bonding time), I pretty much left a trail of blood from the bed to the restroom. I was so thankful that it was just us in the room when that happened!
My suggestion if you don't want visitors or want to limit them or not have any kids come by is to have a birth plan. Let your nurse know what you want - -they will be the ones to chase people out of the room!
Hope that helps!
my short version is if you like them and are close to them you probably wont mind them there. If they get on your nerves or can't stand them it will seem 4x worse.
My H and my mom were in the delivery room. My sister, nephew, and niece were there about 30 min after he was born (while I was nursing for the first time). I loved having them all there but then we are close like that. Oh, and I guess there was blood all over the place too because my mom was running around cleaning it up before the kids came in (I had no idea).
I will tell you after everyone left and it was just my H, P, and I in the post partum room it was amazing to have that time alone. George and I just couldn't stop staring at him amazed at what we had done.
The first day we came home my sister, her H, and her nephew and niece were there and as much as we love them and loved having them there we were so exhausted we just wanted them to leave at the same time.
My plan went right out the window. As soon as I got my epi I was on cloud 9 and invited MIL, FIL, SIL, H's best man and his fiance. (FIL never came in)My big thing is I didn't want people to see me in pain. I was fine when I could sit and chat. I also didn't expect labor to last so long. People exited the room when I got checked and then came back in. nbd. We knew around what ntime I was going to push and they actually voluntered to leave because they know how I am and respected that. I think I am the only woman in the world who would have minded somebody besides my H in the room while I was pushing. I am very modest and would've died if my mil saw that. It was bad enough she was there when I tried to feed Mary.
As for recovery room visitors. We didn't have many at all because it was Christmas Eve. I don't think I would've like many. I looked horrible and felt the same. I couldn't pee and needed a catheter. It takes time to learn breastfeeding and I would've hated an audience. I hated it worse when we were home because Mary slept so much I just wanted to sleep too. The IL's were over all the time and they could even sense what a bad mood I was in because of it.
Also...along with what Leann said...Kaiser gave me skin to skin time while I was stitched and cleaned up. She was born at 1149 and I wasn't in the recovery room until 2am and thats when people met her. They left quickly since it was so late. I felt bad they were there the whole time but they didn't want to leave so whatever. It didn't bother me.
I think I covered it all. Good luck. If it was me the sil wouldn't be called because I wouldn't want to deal with the fiance. I didn't even call my parents for that reason. I called 2 days later. I still don't regret my choice.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
I don't think many people will show up during labor, but if they do, I will have no problem asking them to leave!
It's after the birth when I want to bond and learn to bf. MIL is coming to spend the weekend with us this weekend. I am going to have DH mention to her that we don't want SIL's FI & demon child there.
Mommanurse, I hope you are there when I deliver!
So late on this but, just talk to the staff. I told the hospital staff I didn't want anyone in the room for the first hr. (which they happily agreed would be best). I wanted P & I to be able to bond w/C w/out interruptions. P mother tried to come in the room but the nurse asked her to leave. hee hee I'm not sure how the hopsital you're delivering in is designed but our guest had to be buzzed in by the nurses (from the waiting room to the delivery rooms). I would tell them that the FI is not welcomed. You shouldn't have to deal w/that drama on such a special day.
Good luck!