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I need some advice....long!
Oh, where do I begin again...:::warning:::this is long!!!
So my office manager has 3 kids.15, 13, & 10...She keeps the 15 & 13 yr old and the 10 yr old lives with her father....None of that is really relevant just giving you the details....So the 15 year old "R" is my offc mgr favorite...and i mean that honestly & literally. ... In 04 my mgr got married...in 05 he was killed in a motorcycle accident. the 13 yr old "L" was close w/ her step dad....since then she has been a dowhill spiral of bad a$$ little girl....ofc mgr starts dating dead husbands friend a few mths after he passed....."L" and boyfriend DO NOT get along... "L" acts out ALOT, needs LOTS of attention, GETS NONE!! "R" is still the fave, "R" does good inschool, she is a gymnast.... ofc mgr moves into boyfriends house...."L" isa constant fight between boyfriend & ofc mgr..."L" is constantly suspended and always in trouble @ home.... Ofc mgr sends "L" away to her dads in New Hampshire....this lasted about a year, "L" stays in trouble in New Hampshire....her dad doesn't want her...he sends her back to FL...L came back to FL December 08...started school January...has been suspended 5 times since January.....Currently she is living at her friends house, she refuses to come home...OH, i forgot to say, ofc mgr and boyfriend/fiance broke up in January. Ofc mgr moved out, got her own place.......sometime between then and now ofc mgr and ex started talking again..about the same time "L" stopped living at home. i think she has been at her friends for about a month. She wants her mom to sign papers saying that this girls mom can be her "new mom".....ofc mgr doesn't know what to do......she wants to get rid of her kid, i don't know why she hasn't signed the papers yet....right now she is looking for someplace to send L"..boarding school, some kind of residential program, boot camp...unfortunately all of these things are extremely expensive....So today ofc mgr calls L"s father...taking him back to court for more child support, and bc she wants him to have to pay atleast half of any program expense for L.....dad tells ofc mgr he is not taking L back....
This child needs attention. Her mother favors "R".....R is a cheerleader now on the varisty squad as a freshman...R makes good grades, and R gets what-ever she wants.... I understand that behaving and good grades should be rewarded, but ofc mgr spends SO much time focused R she doesn't have time to give L the attn she needs....
My heart breaks for this child. My desk is right next to my ofc mgr...i hear EVERYTHING..whether I want to or not. I know so much more about her life then I probably should. I understand that she has had it with her daugther, but I also can see that L is some what "neglected"....
For a while now I have been thinking about asking my ofc mgr If i can just hang out w/ her daugther. I know her daughter likes me, ofc mgr has told me so. I really think that L needs someone to let her know that they love her, and that she too is special. I'm just not sure if that is over-stepping, or how my ofc mgr would feel about it? I think she just needs someone to pay attention/positive attention to her. Even if she just came to the house and hung out, or if we went to the beach, or I don't know. I just feel like she needs someone and she IS NOT going to get it at home....
So. what do you think? ...sorry this is so long
Re: I need some advice....long!
wow.?
that's pretty intense. I don't know if its your place to step into your boss's personal life. I wouldn't want to suggest something like that and have it result in you getting fired or something. If the kid is acting out she might not be on her best behaviour around you and who knows what she could say to people about hanging out with you.?
?My first instinct would be to call CAS (Children's aide society) or whatever its called in florida, and anonymously tip them that this kid is not being treated the way she should be. But I'm not sure if that is overkill to call them. (although, if you call and tell them what you know for sure, they can determine if any action needs to be taken)??
Hmmmm... I agree with Jenny on this one - it is a really intense situation. I also think I agree with her that it might not be the best idea to inject yourself into your boss' family situation. Clearly she has some issues going on that are causing all of this turmoil in her life, and while she may be able to keep it in check in the workplace her relationship with her daughter indicates that there are probably cracks in her personal life. It sucks that she has this daughter that she doesn't care much about, to the point that she is ready to "divorce" her (which, let me just say, I can't even fathom why a parent would do that) and it is tough for you to be in a situation where you know so much about what's going on and recogize that there is a problem. But, you might definitely put your job at risk by getting more involved - so I think to a certain extent it becomes a matter of whether or not you are willing to do that for this girl.
I also don't know much (okay, anything) about this Children's Aid Society, but I wonder if it would be the right thing to do or not. She's not being physically abused, which is what I think of when you call something like that. I don't know if you could call up the Big Brother/Big Sister organization and do the same thing? That way she could be matched up with an adult who is a bit more detached from the situation who could help...
I'm sorry that we don't have better advice, but this it a tough one!
my ofc mgr has gone to DCF (department of children and famililes)..she went to their office and begged them for help, they told her to call the hotline......she told them she was going to hurt her daugther...they told her to call the hotline. she has gone to the police, she has talked w/ counselors at her daugthers school, her daugther is in "therapy".....
I know there is the risk that she won't behave with me, why should she? She doesnt behave for anyone else.
Ugh. this is just weighing so heavy on my heart. Thanks ladies! I have alot of thinking to do!
Oh, and I suggested the big brothers big sisters thing to her mom...she said..She has an older sister...::rolls eyes::....ugh! her sister doesnt care what she does....
Sting - as heartbreaking as this must be, I would urge you not to get involved (speaking as a long-time child welfare worker). This sounds like a very complicated family situation and, while you are certainly good intentioned, stepping in here means risking your job and potentially worse. If you were to get into this and the child acts out while in our care and something happens, you carry liability that could effect your own future family.
I understand that you knwo a lot of details but, families are extremely complx systems and there is likely a lot you don't know that goes on behind closed doors. Yes, this child needs help but, she (and the family) needs professional help.
Canon 50D, Canon 50mm f/1.4, Tamron 28-75mm f/2.8, Speedlite 430EX II
Wow, this is totally a tough situation to be in. I was going to ask if the daughter was in therapy or counseling and I guess she is, but is it helping? and how long has she been in it? Honestly it sounds like the mother moved on WAAAY to quickly after the step dad passed away, whom the daughter was close to and then everything went down hill from there. I hate that the mother seems to be giving up on her so easily? It sounds like she needs to seriously spend more time helping to heal her daughter than about any relationship she is in. And also realize that her oldest daughter is not the only one in the picture.
I understand how you feel about wanting to put yourself out there and kind of "big sister" her. I too would be worried about the job and all though. IDK if maybe you suggested it like "oh hey, DH and i are going to beach this weekend, do you think L would want to go with us? It could be alot of fun!!" I don't know if there would be any harm in it. It's a catch 22. Maybe if you tried doing it just one time and then go from there to see what happens. I feel horrible for this girl. She's 13, in her prime adolescence and soo many changes are happening to her. She may have soo much resentment towards her mother and her sister from the way they treat her (which is totally not fair and not right). They honestly should go to family counseling atleast the mother and the daughter. Maybe they can get down to the bottom of it, but that is also pending if the mother wants to or not. She sounds like she is already given up on her own daughter.
I'm not exactly sure how long she has been in counseling, and they do it "together"...the lady goes to their house...i asked how it went last night..."the same"....i honeslty think mom is over it. she thinks she has done everything she can and doesnt want to deal with her anymore.
I'm torn at what to do. I agree, getting involved could jeopardize my job if L does act out while we are together or if she tells her mom something happened that didn't actually happen.