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Nova726
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do you think you would feel?
I just got off the phone with somebody and we discussing a situation where somebody's ex-girlfriend contacted them on FB. He hadn't answered them yet because he doesn't know how his fiancee would react to this. From my understanding the ex-girlfriend is married and has kids, but I'm positive about this. The person I was talking to automatically took it to mean that the relationship isn't too strong if this would bother the fiancee, but I kind of disagree.
DH isn't even on FB, but I kind of feel like it would bother me if he started talking to an ex again. How do you think you would feel?
Re: How do you think you would feel?
Obviously it wouldn't bother me, because when I joined FB the first person I looked up was my ex-boyfriend who I had recently lost touch with (after staying in touch for over 3 years after we ended it). AND I found out he met someone and got married in the year that we had stopped talking (super quick - he is in the Marines, they do these things fast), and I was surprisingly and irrationally really disturbed by learning that. I told DH and he actually felt kinda bad for me, because he understands it's never fun to find out something like that about a person you were in love with at one point, even when it is long over.
I am happily married but yes, I am damn curious about my ex's. I cyber-stalk them frequently. I don't see anything wrong with that.
My DH does not get jealous, and I think that is because he is very secure in himself and our relationship. While I don't necessarily agree that being upset about your SO talking to an ex means your relationship is weak, I personally don't have any issues with it and neither does DH.
After DH joined FB an ex of his contacted him. She is married now and has kids. They send each other messages every once in a while. It is part of his past, but his past is what makes him who he is today.
I'm pretty sure that she is the one that he "did it" with for the first time and I am guessing that she was the first person he told that he loved. That could be a lot to be bothered about, but it doesn't bother me.
DH knows that a couple of my FB friends are old BFs, but he isn't worried that I'm pining over them.
I don't agree with the person you were speaking with who thought that the relationship couldn't be too strong if the Fi would be bothered. They could be strong as granite, some people just get jealous/bothered easily.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DHonestly, I wouldn't care. DH actually has two exes as friends on FB. He chats with one once in a while. I don't mind, because they weren't serious and their relationship was over 20 years ago. He doesn't really talk to the other one. It just happens that she found him on FB, because they have a mutual friend.
I'm going to be no help cuz i'm a Scorpio and apparently jealous by nature.
As far as i know, DH hasn't 'friended' any major exes on FB. There is one girl that he had a short relationship with that he's still friends with (in life, on the internet, etc) and we're even going to her *wedding* this summer and she and her fiance came to ours last fall...but...and i don't know why cuz she's a *complete* sweetheart...but it sometimes bothers me that they're still friends.
There. I said it. I suck as a wife.
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Ah Meggie, you do not suck as a wife. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions on these things. What works well for one couple is not necessarily the best course of action for another couple.
DH isn't on FB but if he did and he was in constant contact with his exes (esp his 1st love) I would be jealous. That said, I am FB friends with an ex but we were never serious. But still I know my boundaries. He gave me his number and everything but I never called because I wouldnt feel comfi if DH went to the point of calling his ex and being all buddy pal, chum with her. Plus he is married and has a kid, why bother call him. Let him focus on his family. We can touch base every couple of months via FB if needs be but that is the extent of it.
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I agree with your general statement Lawby--that what works for one couple, might not work for other. It's true that everyone's couple dynamic and boundaries are different.
I think that in this instance, if it bugs a DW of a FB connection with an ex, letting your DH know is better than letting it fester and erupt into an argument. OR if it doesn't really irk you, but you want to remind DH that "hey babe, I trust you, and I'm glad I got you in the end," is a nice playful reminder to him of your solid relationship.
To each their own, but in circumstances like this, I just think it's better to clear the air the second you feel uncomfortable. But often times, you cannot accurately predict how you will feel hypothetically, until you're in those shoes.
I have several exs on FB. I don't think my H is bothered with since I am pretty open about being in contact with them. Many are long-time friends with my H and me so we are both friends with them on FB. I just went to an art opening last night of one of my exs. It was really nice. His GF and I actually know a person in common (which was a funny, small world moment) and she was very cool. We are talking about maybe the four of us going out to dinner/brunch sometime. FB is a great to get in touch with people who you haven't seen in a while, but still at a distance.