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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWYD? Need advice.....
I am maid of honor in a friend's wedding January 2. She just got engaged about 3 weeks ago or so. Anyway when we started talking about this she was very laid back about the plans and said that she wants to do everything cheaply. I told her that that would be great because I am not working... so now we have the dress $165... shoes a minimum of $50, the ugly bolero jacket... $49... god knows how much for a gold purse. Then the bridal shower with at least 70 guests that she just told me about and then a bachorelette party and gifts... and all of this is in NJ so not quite convenient. We have some money in savings but that is a lot of money for us.... I don;t know what to do... can I even back out? It is jsut that this is getting all crazy.... ugh gotta run... baby is up.. thanks for any imput.
Re: WWYD? Need advice.....
I can't really help you as we are in a situation with SIL currently very slightly similar. ?
They asked DH to be in the wedding and told him he would only need to get a tux. ?Then they want him to buy chuck taylors (ugh - $40 for shoes DH will never wear). ?THEN we find out they waited so long to pick a tux there is no discount and the tux is $175!!! ?This is DOWN from this crazy $200 one they picked out.
Then they asked for money for a DJ from US. ?Then we were told to help fund SIL's FI's bachelor party even though DH wasn't invited.
Money money money. ?I've never been asked to be in a wedding. ?I hope I never do.
Sorry, I am just empathizing. ?When you figure all that out let me know. :-)?
As painful as it may be, I would try to be honest with her about not wanting to spend so much money. Pull out the tears and say the twins would have to sacrifice something if you were to spend all that money on her wedding (ok just kidding...that was a little dramatic, but hey - if I had twins, I'd use 'em to my advantage...lol)
Seriously though - you may have to back out, it's not like she's been planning this for a year or more (like most brides). Just tell her you really appreciate her asking you to be in the wedding, but you don't want to proceed any further, because of the possibility for more expenses than you can afford right now.
Good luck and keep us posted!
That is SO TACKY!!! I can't believe they are asking for money for things neither of you are invited to and asking for money for a DJ! That is ridiculous!
I agree with a lot of the pp, just be honest with her. It is a big honor to be someone?s maid of honor but it?s also a big financial commitment. Maybe tell her what you can afford and maybe she will be able to make some adjustments to what she wants.
For her shower are there other bridesmaids or her mother who will be helping to pay? Most weddings that I have been in the shower has been paid for mostly by the mother of the bride and mother of the groom or all the bridesmaids chip in. So you should have help with that.
I tried really hard to keep costs low for my bridesmaids because I know its a big expense for anyone no matter what their financial situation is.
I think it comes down to personal priority: is it your priority to be her MOH?
If not, graciously thank her for the honor, but let her know finances are a challenge for you and you don't want her to sacrifice the things she wants for her wedding so they're more affordable.
If it is a priority for you to take the role of honor, plan the roughly $500 to $600 it into your and DH's budget over the next eight months. It may be tough, but maybe it's worth it to you, to support her.
I can see both sides of the issue: it can be annoying when a bride demands a lot, but in the end, we all wanted our day to be the way we imagined it. Having been both a bride and a BM/MOH, I wouldn't want to take that away from any bride, even when it means sucking it up, complaining quietly to my DH and shelling out the bucks.