VENT

Blairelizabeth · June 2008

OK i dont know if this has happened to any of girls but we are in a dilema. One of H's friends just got engaged, and they totally shouldnt be getting married. Not anytime soon anyways. I mean, he went and asked her dad and he said "No" because he wanted to wait until they cleared of the family drama happenning between them and their daughter. Then 2 weeks later, he proposes and she says yes.
I should have prefaced this by saying she just turned 20(and is the YOUNGEST 20 year old ever) and he is 22 and unemployed for the next year and a half- even though they are planning on getting married next august.
H sat down with him last friday to talk about things and express concern, but the next day he went a proposed- such a slap in the face to his friends and her family. I just dont know what to do. I want them to be happy- that is the most important thing. He is completely blind to the fact that she treats him like dirt and its heart breaking.
that is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyone else ever dealt with friends getting married when they shouldnt or something similar. I just dont know what to do- he even told H that his love for her was 10 times greater then h's love for me, i almost kicked him off the balcony! HELP!!

njbried · June 2008

the sad part is that his love is not enough to sustain a marraige, esp. if one side is stronger than the other. Unfortunately, all you can do is express your concerns, and be there for them when the fallout occurs. I would also try to talk about how they are going to get married if they aren't working and where they will live etc. GL!

lyns0702 · June 2008

That is an extremely tough situation to be in. I went through a similar situation a while back and it was probably one of the hardest things ever. Although it breaks your heart to see what is happening you've done all you can do (express your feelings VERY carefully). A lot of times the people that are in the situations themselves are very blind to what is really going on or how things look to everyone on the outside...they are "in love" and they are blinded by it. When I went through this situation I expressed my feelings, listened to hers and I was there for her. I truly believe that's all you can do is just be there for the person through everything and be there when/if it crumbles. My friends marriage crumbled about 2 1/2 years after they married and the sad thing is there was a kid in the mix as well. I was there for her, helped her pickup the pieces and she has now moved on, learned from her mistakes and found an awesome guy that she has started a new life with.
I hope your friend's marriage lasts but you never know and it seems like at the maturity level of the girl it's if-y. You don't have to agree with what they are doing but you do need to be there for him through thick and thin and the good and the bad.
Good luck and sorry this is all happening. I know it's tough.

motocross_chick · June 2008

Wow, he must really love her. You know what they say...."love is blind"! I'm not sure if there is anything you would be able to do to knock some sense into him. Most likely he won't listen to you if he is making comments like that.

20 and 22, that in my opinion is young. There is nothing wrong with it, but when I was that age, I was still in college and thinking about going out with my friends to party and dance. It works for some people, but I am afraid once she turns 21, she is gonna let loose like any 21 year would do!

This sounds like a tough one...but it sounds like he is going to do what he wants to do. Maybe you could talk him into a longer engagement. I mean, how are they planning on paying for the wedding if he is unemployeed?

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