Baby on the brain? - BOTB

lawby2005 · June 2009

So in another post, a few of us said that we kinda had babies on the brain but felt a little intimidated by the bump and GP board. I went over there again and I just still did not know where to start. I once signed up for Fertility Friend but never took any action on that...said I would borrow the book "TCOYF" from the library...never did! I am beginning to think the babies are not on my brain as much as they should be. Tongue Tied

So anyone else with BOTB but actually doing something about it? Care to share some motivational tips?

2pretty4pink · June 2009

You can barrow my 5m old who is getting a tooth and I bet you will be good for at least another year! LOL but really if you do have BOTB make sure your debt free. kids are seriously expensive.

MrsKocal · June 2009

Well, the first thing I did was buy TCOYF on Amazon ? I recommend just buying it, because it is a good resource to have, plus the library likely has an older edition. And I started taking pre-natal vitmatins. Then I waited until my prescription for BCPs ran out and didn?t renew. I started temping and charting (bought a basal thermometer too). I am glad I did this now, even thought we are not planning on TTC till at least the fall ? last cycle my luteal phase was super short (only 8 days) which would be a problem if we wanted to TTC now. Hopefully my cycles will regulate themselves by the time we are ready, otherwise at least I?ll know that I have an issue when it finally is time to try, and I?ll be able to handle it. Start out on the Nest GP (not the bump). It?s much more laid back and there are a lot more ladies on there who are in your situation ? not actively TTC yet, but just starting to think about it.

Liza3394 · June 2009

Ohhh, I have a terrible case of BOTB. So much that DH is getting overwhelmed by it - and I know I need to start focusing on something else for awhile. hee hee.

Ok, my story is: We started charting shortly after we got married. Not through Fertility Friend, but through a Catholic Church (Couple to Couple League class). for the past year and 10 months + we've been TTA. Once DH brought it up that we could start trying at a specific time and after X, Y, and Z were accomplished, its been just about all I can think about. Plus I recently watched the Business of Being Born - which has opened a whole other world and obsessive online searching/book reading. I mean, I already have a pretty good idea of what the nursery will look like, have planned out how a nursery would fit in the apartment, and picked out plenty of baby names. I always have to stop myself and double check "ok, babies are cute, but are you really ready for poops, crying, negative sleep and once they get older...a toddler??"

What I do really like is charting - just pick up a basal thermometor (walgreens or any drugstore) and just start recording your am temps. It was really cool to see 'it' really work in action. low temps - high temps, etc.

Motivation wise? I don't know. I think you have to be ready, if you don't feel too excited about it, maybe its not the right time. And there is not specifice age or time of your life that it "should be" time. I knew I wasn't ready for a long time. I knew realistically we weren't ready for a baby - but some how, at one point it just switched.

Nova726 · June 2009

If you want to PM me or email me with your address, I can send you the copy of TCOYF that I have. Somebody gave it to me and I'll gladly pass it along. Some people may think that the charting and everything is overkill, but I never realized before just how little I knew about my body.

FF will send you lessons that give you a lot of the same info that TCOYF gives, but I think the book is great to have and read. The temping IMO just becomes such a habit that it doesn't even bother me, even on the weekends.

ETA: oooor, we could have a weekday GTG and I'll bring it along! (just can't do Thursdays)

mswifeyforlife · June 2009

I empathize with Lawby and all of you! (Thanks for the tip 2pretty4pink--I think DH and I could benefit from babysitting little Ethen)! LOL.

Our situation is this: I have strong moments where I want to TTC now, but then I think of my goals of wanting a better job, more money, plus my checklist on my "pre-baby to-do list." (Yes, I'm such a nerd)! But, as a writer, it includes ambitious stuff like--try to write my first book, travel more with DH, etc). At almost 26, I actually think when I'm ovulating, my desire for a baby is strongest because of the whole biology factor screaming, "now's perfect to conceive!" Probably why my PMS has been challenging also, since I've been off BC for almost a year-and-a-half.

But, DH is wanting a career change, but doesn't know what that is just yet. He's 28, so we're both still young, and I think that would be so unfair to him to TTC now. We both must be emotionally, financially and mentally prepared as possible. But, then I hear--"no one's ever really ready."

So, even though I'm emotionally and biologically so ready to TTC, I realize I want to finish a couple more things off my list and DH needs to be happier with his job. So, in the meantime, I'm open to all the advice, planning books I can get my hands on. Everyone's timetable varies and that's the way it should be.

meggiednm · June 2009

I was just talking to a friend about babies over dinner last night! Embarrassed

I *love* kids! But since high school (maybe even earlier) i have been informing my family that i'm *not* having kids! And my older sister has been the complete opposite. Wink But i think as a teenager, than a college student, than being in my early 20's in the Big Bad Apple, it was just something i couldn't even think about! Plus, trying to be an actress and a dancer doesn't exactly lend itself to the kind of schedule (or financial stability) that a baby needs.

DH doesn't want kids and even got snipped just over a year ago. Hooray him!

But...

Fast forward to today, literally, right this second...and i'm not 100% sure i *don't* want kids. And i'm not 100% sure i *do*. I hate this feeling. Sad I love DH soooo much and i think we'd be phenomenal parents! Plus our kid(s) would be super smart, talented, gorgeous, etc. (why wouldn't they? Wink ) I'm trying to wait out this baby fever phase. But i've had it since January when another friend announced that she and her husband of almost 4yrs were pregnant. And my sister was pregnant. And another friend had a cute baby girl. And now my bf is pregnant with her 3rd. Then i met my niece and fell in love!! And then DH met her and he fell in love and wanted to hold her and be with her all the time! And he's been making a few comments lately (pro and con) that i'm picking up on and it's making me wonder. So that doesn't help the baby fever... Tongue Tied

I'm actually quite terrified to have 'the talk' with DH. Cuz what if he still doesn't want kids? I know there are ways to reverse his situation, but how can i ask that of him? I keep putting it off like 'wait till we're married a year' or 'distract yourself, this feeling will go away'. And i'm even being hyper aware of our time together and how a baby would fit in.

My latest daydream is that we have a girl (i would sooooooo want a girl!) and we name her after our moms, she grows up and we put her in ballet. Oh, and we move in to Peter Cooper Village/Stuy Town in the city cuz it's completely kid friendly and a great location...but it's expensive. And i work full time as a dance teacher and crafts person. Big Smile

Long story short (sorry!), yes i have BOTB. But i'm not doing anything about it.

meggiednm · June 2009

mswifeyforlife:

"pre-baby to-do list."

I'm starting to think of this exact same thing! But i fear that i'd start to purposefully make my list longer and longer and then either regret not finishing my list before a baby...or that i finish my list and i'm 50yrs old!

Oh, and there's the age thing. I'll be 30 in Nov. but DH is 36. We have a friend who's getting married in Aug and he's almost 40 and his fiance is 34/35 and she wants to be PG right now! Wink DH has commented that 'Paul will be in his *forties* when he has a toddler!'. So stuff like that makes me worry...

marie427 · June 2009

Maggie - I think maybe it sounds like the best thing to do *is* to wait a little while. I know when I see little babies it makes me think about having them really soon but then shortly after, reality hits and I realize I am so not ready for one anytime soon. With all those people in your life who have babies or are PG at the same time, it's hard to make sense of what your feelings really are on whether you want kids or not! So maybe in a few months or a year or whatever, when everyone isn't PG, think about your feelings again.

dnagal · June 2009

Meggie-agree with PP--it's better to consider your feelings about it when you're not influenced as much by what's going on in other people's lives (new babies etc.) But, It does sound like you want a baby--just a matter of sooner or later--that feeling is not likely to go away and you might want to start opening the conversation with your husband before you're baby obsessed and bound for bigger issues if he's still strongly opposed.

Lawby--I just started temping--you can print a temp chart online-I think Babycenter.com is a great resource for the chart and for details on how to use it. It took me a few months to get the hang of it-about 3, then-magic! I didn't bother with checking cervical mucus (ew! LOL)

I'm charting again, thinking of trying later this summer for #2!

As for when is the right time, you and DH need to figure that out-you're "TO DO" list will never be complete, and consider what points on it are either a-non-negotiable or b-not-baby compatible. YOu might that some are not as critical really, or can still be accomplished with a little one in tow! If nothing else--use it as an exercise to set a timeline for things and push yourself ACCOMPLISH things that are important to you sooner rather than later!

dnagal · June 2009

Oh--and I didn't go onto the Bump until I was already pregnant. Too many neurotic TTC'ers there.

Baby on the brain? - BOTB

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