Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need support
Hi Everyone,
I've been MIA for quite a while anyway things have not been doing so great with me and my FI nothing regarding wedding issues but I figure I could vent here. Well I suffer from a lot of digestive problems and often feel bloated and lousy and with this my libido has not been that great with FI and he thinks is him. I have also been very stressed out lately my mom is going though some really hard times and she is down in Texas and I can't really fly down there because it is too expensive and I can't afford it with all the expenses I have so that is stressing me out.
Well my dilemma is that any time that my FI suggest any type of intimacy I kind of how can I say not into it lately. Over the past months or so. He asks me if something is wrong with him and I tell him no. I understand that he might think that because I wasn't like that with him in the past but I just don't know what to do or how to make him understand. He thinks what I tell him are excuses and that hurts me. What should I do?
I appreciate your input.
I've been MIA for quite a while anyway things have not been doing so great with me and my FI nothing regarding wedding issues but I figure I could vent here. Well I suffer from a lot of digestive problems and often feel bloated and lousy and with this my libido has not been that great with FI and he thinks is him. I have also been very stressed out lately my mom is going though some really hard times and she is down in Texas and I can't really fly down there because it is too expensive and I can't afford it with all the expenses I have so that is stressing me out.
Well my dilemma is that any time that my FI suggest any type of intimacy I kind of how can I say not into it lately. Over the past months or so. He asks me if something is wrong with him and I tell him no. I understand that he might think that because I wasn't like that with him in the past but I just don't know what to do or how to make him understand. He thinks what I tell him are excuses and that hurts me. What should I do?
I appreciate your input.
Re: Need support
Yes, tell him exactly what you told us here. Can you be intimate with him without having sex? That way he knows that you still want to be close to him, but that sex itself just isn't a good idea right now with your stomach problems.
Have you gone to the doctor for these stomach issues? If not, you should...there are many things out there that can help relieve these kinds of issues...some as simple as changing your diet. I know two people who have gone to the chiropractor for stomache issues and it really helped them (yes, I know that sounds insane, but I've heard that chiroprators can help lots of different issues).
Also, don't tell him that nothing is wrong when he asks...there is something wrong even though it's not him. When there is obviously something wrong (or something that has drastically changed like not wanting to have sex), then telling someone that nothing is wrong makes them feel like you are lying to them. You need to have this conversation outside of the bedroom.
It got the point across, point blank and we had an open and honest conversation. So now when I tell him my stomach is feeling upset instead of getting all "woe is me, your making excuses" he runs and gets the pepto and crackers for me because I explained to him.
You should have this (very blunt) convorsation with your FI to reassure him that it is not him.
I do want to say though that when you are stressed, sex does help a lot! Even if you don't really feel like it, go with it. You never know, you may just get into it.
Good Luck
I have some neorological problems and it often causes my body to just be so tired adn sometimes even sore. It makes me completly unresponsive to sex. I mean not a matter of not getting horny, but not getting off at all. I've basically started saying to my Dh that I really want sex but theres no way I could get into it. He understands. Because the truth is I could go for some good sex, but I know it would just be impossible. And for my Dh he doesnt like sex if I dont get off (brags about my Dh, tee hee) or if I dont at least enjoy it.
I mean if he's a good guy he'll too understand that if your not into it, would he actually enjoy it himself?
GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!
I cannot stress this enough. I was like you I had IBS for years so anytime I had a problem with my digestive system I just figured that was it. I couldn't have been more WRONG, and it nearly cost me my life. A heafty price to pay for being stubborn and putting myself last.
It turns out I had a toxic megacolon, ulcerative colitis, and CDIFF. Any one of these would have been treatable, but since I had basicly ignored my body, I got all three. I had emergency surgery to remove my entire large intestine and appendix. I wore an ostomy bag for 3 months, resulting in burn scars in addition to surgery scars. The I had reconstructive surgery. Followed by several blockages and lengthy hospital stays. It's been 2 yrs and I'm finally only going 4-8 times a day versus the 25-30 post surgery. I'm finally able to sustain the energy needed to work part-time.
And that isn't the worst part of it all. Just prior to the emergency surgery they brought my 3 children, ages 14,12,10(then), into my hospital room so I could tell them goodbye because my possible survival wasn't good.
I'm thankful for every day I'm given, and I never wait to go to the Dr... ever.
As for my the FI, now DH. Through it all he was understanding. Especially in regards to sex. We have a great sense of humor which helped alot. But really should you be marrying a man that you can't discuss your health with bluntly, when it's possible that he may one day need to change your diaper?