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I'm going nuts!!! VENT
You girls are so lucky your weddings are done! If the next 5 months don't fly by I might kill my FMIL. Would you believe she is adding people to MY guest list without telling me. My fiance's cousin is doing the calligraphy and she's just calling her and telling her to add people.
My fiance got into a big fight with her yesterday b/c she is trying to take over...we have enought money for 180-185 guests and that's it and she has since increased our list which now stands at 228 and everytime I expressed my concern she says don't worry about it you'll only get 180...how the heck does she know that and we are in no way coming up with the extra. She has litererally invited everyon one of HER aunts and HER cousins who my fiance doesn't eve know.
He told her my mom just invited my aunts and cousins and then her close friends but she keeps saying that's not true, like he's lying and then she calls my fiance's cousin and asks her to count the list and then comes up to me and says that there are only 209 on the list....It took everything in me not to yell at her, I've counted my guest list 16 times I know how many it is and his cousin doesn't know how many people it is when it says "and family" I have one that equals 7 people alone.
I'm so fed up b/c we never wanted this, we wanted to go away and she didn't like the idea so we are doing this big thing for her and I refuse to put out more money for her extended family....I think she thinks this is HER wedding and not ours!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry that was so long, I needed to vent b/c sometimes I think it's me and I'm wrong. We told her when this thing started getting planned that we wanted just our close family and what gives her the right to add to my guest list and not tell me!!!
Re: I'm going nuts!!! VENT
Your fi absolutely HAS to put his foot down here. Call the calligraphy person and tell her not to take any orders from anyone but you or fi.
Trust me, set boundaries now or it will only get worse.....I learned this from personal experience during my wedding.
I know I already wrote a novel over on theknot but I forgot to ask. Are you thinking of eloping yet? I think the thought probably crosses most of our minds but your originally wanting to get married on an island made me question if it's been on your mind.
I hope your MIL is otherwise easy to handle. Do you live together yet? If not, be careful to not let her think it's her house too once you move in. My MIL didn't give me a lot of wedding related grief except for trying to talk my H out of it but she has a hard time with the idea of "ours" being his & mine not his & hers since she raised him by herself.
Is she going to pay for these extra people? Has she ever said that yes, she will definitely pay for everyone else whom she is insisting that you invite? Not just "ahhh don't worry about it". If not, you and your fiance are going to have to put your foot down. And it's probably going to cause some problems. It's very easy to say "oh, they won't show up but we HAVE to invite them," but what happens when they DO show up? That is almost 50 extra guests that you weren't counting on and didn't budget for. That really adds up! (It's like several months of mortgage payments, if you think of it that way.) Not to mention that they aren't people you even know. She had her wedding, this is yours. The two of you need to sit down with her together and calmly talk to her and lay things clearly out on the table.
(When we got engaged and started planning, the H and I had about 60-70 people on our list and that was all we wanted. Then, after all of the people we "HAD" to invite, it went up to over 130. Most of those people we "HAD" to invite didn't even bother to RSVP and 11 of them RSVPed yes and didn't show. Edited to add: Our final number that showed was something like 73, so it ended up working in our favor in the end even through mom & MIL drama.)
Ugh, I am so sorry that you are dealing with that. Unfortunatley, weddings seem to bring out an interesing side of MIL's. I know I could write a book of things mine did during planning time.
I agree with pp about telling her she can pay for the extras. My MIL invited over her agreed limit (including letting a guy add 2 extras to his rsvp...his girlfriend and her sister). My H talked with her and they paid for the people over the number of guests his side was allotted.
Try and calmly say your piece to your FI and let him take care of it. If she wants extra people then she can pay for them.
Irishgrl417: Overall she's easy to handle but this whole things has got her driving me nuts...I've always know she's was the take control kind of person...everyparty that's every thrown she starts writing list and planning it even if it's not hers to plan....And yeah we've lived together for 3 years and she's been fine with that.
We have thought about stopping the whole thing but at this point we have so much invested in it money wise b/w down payments and what's already down on the hall.
Her famous line of "Don't worry about it" has never been followeed with we'll cover the extras...She really thinks that we are getting no more then 180, I've told her I've gone over the list and we are already guaranteed 165 with just our aunts, uncles and cousins and close friends of our parents who've already said they were coming and she just says "You'll see"..AHH it drives me nuts.
My FI arugued with her about it for an hour and she kept saying that he didn't understand she HAS to invite them they are her family...he said to her that's right they are HER family not his close family and this isn't her wedding. She's very stubborn about everything and always things she's right and then she said we should of talked about what we wanted....That's when he got really mad b/c we've said it countless times that we wanted to get married away and she laughed it off and put the guilt trip on us about how his aunts wouln't be able to come and would be devestated if they missed it (he's the 1st getting married on his side). She just doesn't listen when she's got her mind made up.
The funny thing is, that after he had this fight she comes to me and tells me she removed someone...that's right ONE person and the best part is...I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY WERE INVITED!!!!
They did put in $ for the wedding put apparently she thinks it's only costing us $22,000 (I WISH) and that what she gave is plenty,