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f/u to my frustrated post
I had a long talk with DH the other night and we decided that we would?divide?chores and he would make sure that he did them. ?Since I am the one who puts the baby to bed at night, while I do that the dishes will get done and the kitchen tidied. ?Any heavy cleaning (ie floors windows etc we will do on the weekend) ?he will also do the garbage and the cat box. If I really need something done I just have to ask. ?
So about a week ago (on garbage day no less) a critter got into the garbage and spread it all over the back patio. ?I have asked Jason to pick it up everyday since then. ? He says "sure I just have to *insert excuse*"
So last night I figure I would remind him that seeing that today was garbage day and the garbage will be hauled away today. ?I said "Jason don't forget to empty the upstairs diaper pail this week you forgot last week too. ?It would really mean a lot to me if you cleaned up that garbage in the back yard because it's gross and I don't want it there when my mom comes to stay on Monday." ?What did my manly husband say? ?
"I can't. ?It's stinky and gross and I don't want to get all dirty." ?
"Then do it before your shower tomorrow. ?It's no big deal"
"I told you it's gross. ?I can't do it."
Sure enough, ?I wake up this morning and the diaper pail (it's a diaper genie btw) is full and there is garbage all over the back yard still. Not to mention the kitchen is a mess because he didn't tidy it last night because why? ?The baby went to sleep so fast (on his knee actually I took her up to bed) so he didn't really have time to do the dishes. ?He didn't feel comfortable finishing the dishes while I played video games.?
Gonna scream!! ?So I had to get up extra early today to beat the truck so I could take care of a job that he found too gross. ?Not only that, ?I have just noticed...HE DIDN'T TAKE DOWN THE RECYCLING FROM THE KITCHEN!!! FOR THE LOVE OF..... HOW HARD IS THAT? IT'S A LITTLE FREAKIN BUCKET!!! ?I give up. ? I said he wasn't helpful around the house and I wasn't wrong. ?He does the dishes two nights in a row and he's done for the month now I am sure...
Re: f/u to my frustrated post
Responses I've used
"So you can't do it because it's gross but you're okay with me, your wife, doing it"
"You won't/can't do it, I don't have time, it needs to get done. What is our other option?"
"I'm sick of this, we're getting a maid. It will be $200 a month so we'll each pay $100 out of our fun money to cover it" he hates 'wasting' his fun money but I say there is no room in the household budget unless we stop eating out so he then decides there is time to do it after all.
I'm not sure, when I freak out and as a result make a new chore deal with DH it usually sticks for at least 2 months. I'd lose it completely if it only lasted a week. Have you tried telling him "when you don't help out it makes me feel unappreciated" or however it actually makes you feel? I can't think of anything else helpful, everything else would put him on the defensive.
oh I have told him that I am basically a single parent. ?The only difference is that?I have a bigger mess to clean up. ?If there was room in the budget for a maid we would get one. ? Sadly...
When DH and I first moved in togetherI had to go on strike for a while for him to really realise all that I did. I wrote a list of all that I would not be doing anymore and posted it on the fridge and I stuck to it. It was hard to let things go like that, but I wanted to prove a point.
I didn't get angry with him if things didn't get done, but I didn't force myself to do them either. They just didn't happen. After about 3 weeks DH started to get overwhlemed and it really sunk it how much work it takes to run a household, and that it would require a partnership between the two of us. We then sat down and divided up all the chores and it has been going pretty well since then.
Lately he's had to take on more because there are things I am just unalbe to do. He does whine a little bit, but it gets done.
This has been my latest technique - our chores are already divided up. I am simply not getting worked up anymore over the things he doesn't do. So the mess festers a bit and it usually ends up that the day people are coming over he's running around like mad trying to get his delayed stuff done while all I have is my daily stuff. Fortunately, he does care what people think of our house so that's when he gets in gear... he's slowly (read very slowly) learning that a little every day makes life easier!