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There is something wrong with my son
I'm sure of it.
He doesn't sleep. At all. He never has, but it's getting worse and worse. He's down to sleeping just four to six hours a night now. He's never tired. He doesn't nap, or at least, not often and not for long. I've lost count of the times he's woken up for the day at 2:00 am and refused to nap the following day. Last night I put him to bed at 7:30. No matter what I did, he wouldn't calm down. He kept screaming "Up!" and "Play!" and wouldn't lie down. He screamed until 11:00. Then he slept until 3:30, but woke up screaming "Up!" and "Play!" until I gave up at 4:30 and tried to nurse him in my bed to get him back to sleep. But the second he got into bed he shouted "Bye bye!" and ran down the hallway, turned on the TV, and started playing. So he got 4.5 hours of sleep last night. And he's wide awake, crawling up and down the stairs as I type, laughing at the cat, who is following him. We went for an hour long walk early this morning, my attempt to force him to nap, but he sat upright in his reclined stroller and sang and babbled the entire way.
I go into his room to calm him down at night as often as I can, but without fail every night it gets to the point where I'm afraid to go in there because I'm so exhausted and frustrated that I'm afraid I'll hurt him. As a result, even though I'm very against CIO, I've left him crying in his room for hours before while I screamed into my mattress and beat up a pillow. I hate that I'm letting him cry but I cannot calmly rock him all night long. I don't even really consider this to be CIO because it's not even doing anything. He just screams. Night after night. All night. For hours. He's not learning anything by it. It's not so much CIO as it is Let Mommy Get Away From The Endless Screaming. But he's fine if I take him out of bed and let him play, something I've done once or twice when I couldn't handle his crying anymore. He's just not tired. He's not in pain, either (everyone tells me "it's teething!" or "it's gas!" but it's not.)
I don't have a job but he goes to daycare three days a week so I can come home and crash. The daycare people are shocked by him. I could tell that when he started going there (at 11 months old) they didn't believe me when I said he rarely napped, and if so, it was for half an hour or less. You could tell they thought they'd teach him. But so many days I've picked him up in the evening and they're shocked that he refused to fall asleep, no matter what they did. Walks in the stroller, rocking in the rocking chair, singing- nothing works. They say he never stops, they've never seen a kid as rambunctious as him.
I've seen four different doctors. None of them believe me or take me seriously. Every one has said to wait until he grows out of it. But he's 16 months old now and this has been going on forever. I've spent almost $200 on natural sleep aids that are "guaranteed" to help babies sleep and not one of them has made any difference.
I don't know what to do. I'm sure that there is something physically wrong with him. I keep him active all day but he's got unlimited energy.
I don't know what to do. I'm going to seriously have a nervous breakdown if this continues.
end of vent. I'm off to take him to daycare now. Thank God it's a daycare day today. I'm exhausted.
Re: There is something wrong with my son
I'm sorry you're going through this! It sounds like quite a battle.
I have no experience here, but is there a sleep clinic that they can do for little ones? I know when adults have issues sleeping they send them there? That would be really hard not having the doctors believe you... I hope that there is someone who can help you.
Wow, you poor poor girl! I can't even begin to understand how exhausted you must be all the time. I don't know what I would do if I were in your position especially when doctors don't believe you. Every mother needs a break or else you will go cuckoo.
I feel very lucky now that William is a good napper..he still gets up in the night at least once or twice but he is usually pretty good to sleep at least 8-10 hours.
I can't even give you any advice as I'm sure you've tried it all. I would keep trying with doctors and say you want a sleep specialist because it's obviously not healthy for him to get so little sleep. Maybe try that?
HUGS to you.
holy moly!!! what are you feeding him?? Does he eat a lot more than average? Hopefully you can get a doctor to take you seriously. Have you done any researching on the net to see if a condition like that exists? I know some adults who just don't need any sleep - maybe he will become one of those adults? I can see how that would be so frustrating for you because I imagine you need more than 4 hrs sleep!! Would it be possible to put a couple toys in his crib that would keep him occupied enough, like one of those Fisher Price aquarium or something? I don't remember if he is a bed yet - could you put a child proof lock on his door so he can't get out of his room, and just let him play with his toys in his bedroom? Gosh I don't have any other ideas. Good luck :S
This is a long shot...but my BF has a son, (age 6) who as an infant and toddler, never slept and was always very hyper amoung other things.
He was diagnosed with ADHD very early.
The thing is it is not nessisarily and ADHD thing as it is a sleep problem, howebver if you start to ttread down that road, youmay find some answers for the sleep issue. Keeping in mind that 1 in 5 boys are diagnosed with ADHD, and that is comes in many forms, ranging from mild to severe. It is not all children bouncing off the wall, or children who can not consentrated in school.
I would recommend you do some research on the subject, just to see if you can pin point any similarities. Interesting fact is the biggest contributer to ADHD and the onset co-morbid diagnosis' (ODD, CD) is noted to be difficulting sleeping.
For the record, BF choice not to put his son on any medicatiosn and instead worked through withthe help of behavioural training. And it worked in getting him enough sleep to be functional, however at age 6 he still NEVER sleeps except at night. he goes to bed at 8pm and lays there until 11(ish) then is up and ready to party at 6:30am. We went on a 16 hour car ride (straight through, no major stops) and he did not close his eyes for a second. NOT ONCE.
Good luck. And again, I am not making any suggestions or diagnosis here, just pointing out a similar situation. It is worth it to do the research. ANd also worth knowing there are MANY options for treaments that do NOT include medicating.
This must be so frustrating and worrisome for you and DH.
Do you know if there is some sort of provincial agency that deals with children who may have special needs from the ages of 0->6 in your area?
My mother works at a place like this in my city and I know they are an excellent resource and great advocates for parents who are struggling with physiological, developmental and psychological issues with their children. It may be worth looking into. At her office they have access to psychologists, social workers, a psychiatrist, developmental pediatricians, physios, early childhood educators, speech paths and occupational therapists.
Since you don't seem to be getting support from your dr., the above professionals may be able to shed some light on the subject. It also may be worth talking to a naturopath, chiro or acupuncturist for some alternative ideas.
Worst case scenario would be that you end up exactly where you are, with concerns and no answers. Good luck with everything and keep us updated.
Thank you guys
Sleep clinics: I don't know. Can you go there on your own? All the doctors have said that there is no such thing as a sleep disorder in kids his age so there is nothing they can do. As such it doesn't sound like they'll give me a referral to one. I guess if I keep trying new doctors...
Food: he eats a lot. And he hasn't gained an ounce in six months- I weighed him the other day and was surprised to find that he's still in the weight category to fit into his infant car seat, which we got rid of six months ago because he was nearing the weight limit. I mentioned this to my mom because I was concerned about his lack of weight gain and she laughed and said "Of course he's not gaining weight, he never sits down. You'd lose a ton of weight if you ran around like he does all day, too. It's not like he's not eating enough- he eats tons. Don't worry about it, he's just very athletic." Not sure if that's true or not, but the doctors don't seem concerned about his lack of weight gain.
ADHD: yeah. That's something I've considered. A lot. I would not be at all surprised if he has that. He's such a smart little kid (I don't think I'm being biased to say that he's a very intelligent little boy)- it worries me that he might not do well academically despite being so smart because he'll be the "problem child" and I don't know what to do about that.
Other resources in area: I don't know. How would I go about finding out? I live in Kamloops, BC, if that helps. We have seen a naturopath (a pediatric naturopath at that), that was one of the four doctors. She got my hopes up with a ton of natural remedies that she swore would work but when they didn't she shrugged and said "Well, I guess he just needs less sleep than most children." Um, that's not a solution. While we were in her office she was amazed at him- he was crawling all over her desks and chairs and was pulling her degrees off the wall. I chased him around her office the entire time but he's so quick. He was sitting calmly on one of the chairs with a toy in his hands and I didn't even notice him crawl onto the back of the chair until we heard him. She just stared at him and said "I thought I had this place pretty well childproofed... I've never had a child try to pull my frames off the wall before. How old is he again?" He was just shy of 15 months old, balancing on the back of the chairs trying to rip her frames off the wall.
Re: resources. If you'd like I can ask my mom if she knows of any agencies in Kamloops. I kinda doubt it though.
I know they would be through your provincial government. Do you have any early years centres or something like that? You could ask them. Also, your daycare should know of all the agencies available for children of your son's age. The blue pages in your phone book may be somewhere to start as well.
You could also look into a private assessment from a local psychologist, obviously they would have to be accredited in working with young children (I might wait on this one though).
I also found this:
http://www.makechildrenfirst.ca/cms/index.php/child-development/early-intervention/early-intervention.html
http://www.makechildrenfirst.ca/cms/index.php/table/child-development/red-flag-indicators/
I am speechless...
I hope that the agency you got in touch with helps you some how or another.
When I was reading your first post all I could think of was "mystery diagnois" on TLC how they people go through so much and have to fight so hard for a diagnosis... All I can say is dont stop until you get the answers you need and are satisfied with the help/ answers you are getting!
I would like to give you a pat on the back and a big hug... I can only imagine what you are going through!
Wow, Lisah that's hard. I can't imagine. I am with the others on getting a sleep expert involved, or seek a sleep clinic.
A girlfriend of mine has a 10 month old who does. not. sleep. EVER. She's also having a hard time with it. As I was reading your post, I thought, "man, hername would completely empathize and would like to read what everyone suggests."
I know that doesn't mean much but it means you're not alone and someone else understands exactly how you feel. I hope you get the answers you need, and even moreso, the sanity and sleep too!
Have they tested him for thyroid issues?
Sounds like an incredibly frustrating position. Good for you for having daycare so you can recharge your self.
Hoping you find a solution.
Oh good! Hoping this starts on the road to getting some answers. Keep us updated!
I have totally told her she needs to come online and join the board. You girls would love her.
Her daughter is only 10 months but consistently wakes all night long. Hates to sleep. Is up every 20 minutes to 1.5 hours. Only a handful of times she has slept 3 hours in a row, and once, 4 hours, but it's usually much shorter stretches.
That totally sounds like Ethan. He used to wake up every 45 minutes to 1 hour, on average. Occasionally I'd get a longer stretch of two to three hours or so, but not often. But lately he's been stretching out his sleep periods to up to 4 or 6 hours, but then he won't go back to sleep once he does wake up.
He has slept through the night once, one blissful night the night before my husband's birthday. We were so hopeful that we had finally turned the corner on his sleep problems, but nope. The next night it was business as usual. I have no idea why he could sleep that one night, but that was over a month ago now and he hasn't done it again. Not even close.
Anyways. I'm off to pick up the energizer bunny from daycare.
I have no suggestions but wanted to say I think you're doing an amazing job. I really hope you get some answers soon.
I remember my MIL telling me once that DH didn't sleep much as a kid (although I don't think it was extreme as your little one), she said there was nothing she could do, he just wasn't tired.
Not sure if anything came of it, but he must have grown out of it at some point because man can the man sleep now!
I hope you get some answers and are taken seriously soon
I wanted to add that you are doing a great job, all things considered. This is one of the toughest things, and not all kids are easy.
I don't have a good sleeper either, but maybe not to the same extent all the time. From day one, I've had to coax her to sleep, etc. If she doesn't get enough sleep, she'll sleep horribly the next couple of days. It's awful.
I really agree with the advice or slogan that "sleep begets sleep." I suspect that your son is chronically overtired, and therefore can't settle to a good sleep pattern, and runs amok all over the house and everywhere you go. The less sleep he gets, the worse it gets. It's sort of self-compounding.
For my daughter, I had to move her bedtime to 6:30 p.m. so that she could sleep until 5:00 a.m., she still wakes up twice in the night. She needs complete darkness, like garbage bags or towels taped to the windows, darkness. We use a humidifier for a white noise machine, which blocked out other distracting noises and helped calm her. Plus no toys, except one friend, and I stay in the room to make sure she is confined to her bed. If she has access to the whole room, she'd roll and squirm for hours. I nursed her to sleep too. I'm sure you've probably tried these things might I thought I might suggest them in case you hadn't.
A book that really helped me understand my daughter is "Raising You Spirited Child." Sounds like your son in a nutshell too.
Edited to add: I don't recall exactly how old your son is, but I taught my daughter to read the clock. She's not supposed to bug me before 6 a.m. (Yeah, right, but she can read the clock now.) We've also been talking for a long, long time that night time is for sleeping, everyone is asleep (daddy, the neighbours, grandma, etc.) I would go outside with her, show her the stars and moon and night time. And show her the lights out in everyone's house. Soemtimes, we'd jsut peek out the window. I'd explain everyone had their PJs on and it was bedtime and sleeptime until Mr. Sun comes up. She's finally getting it at 2.5 years old, but it's never too early to start that kind of dialogue IMO. Finally just in the past two weeks, I can get her to go back to sleep for an hour if she wakes at 5 a.m. or so.
And do you try co-sleeping? DD always comes to my bed in the middle of the night. I sleep through her arrival now, it's so much of a habit. She definitely sleeps better with me. If I'm going through a really exhausted stretch, I simply start the night out with her in my bed. I don't want to be woken at 11, 3 and 5...
He's 16 months. We've been doing the "it's night time" thing- I pull back the curtains and show him that it's dark out and tell him that it's time to sleep. It doesn't really seem to register.
We co-slept for the first year. He woke up every 45 minutes, on average, but it was easier on me because I'd pop the boob in his mouth and go back to sleep. He'd still only sleep 8 - 9 hours, from start to finish, minus whatever wake-up time (and this is when the sleep books said he should be getting 14-ish hours of sleep). Most of the time he'd fall back to sleep pretty quickly although at least once a week or so he'd stay up for an hour or more. When he was about 10 or 11 months we moved him into his crib and at 13 months or so we moved the crib into his room. He's handled the move to the crib really well, actually- he doesn't seem to dislike it or fear it. He'll say "night night" to me and reach for his crib when we're done with his bedtime routine, and happily lie in it for the first little while. But then if he doesn't fall asleep quickly enough, the screaming starts. "Up! Play!" Now, if we attempt to co-sleep, he uses that as his chance to escape the bed and run down the hallway. I can't keep him in bed anymore unless he actually wants to sleep (but then, when he actually wants to sleep, he's fine sleeping in his crib).
I've got an appointment on Thursday with doctor #5, so who knows, maybe they'll discover something.
How did I miss this?
I'm so sorry you're having these issues.
Some of the other girls gave great suggestions. Some EI sounds necessary. I really hope you have a productive appt tomorrow.
Also, I don't think it would hurt to swing by the Bump's 'Special Needs' board. Not that your son is dealing with issues to the extent of most of those kids, but there are some seriously wise women over there that I think might be able to shed some light for you. Perhaps use that disclaimer then C&P your original post from above? Can't hurt.
All the best. Keep us posted.
At least he's not cranky?
Too bad you need sleep. I know when my brother was 3 my mom taught him how to turn on the tv, how to keep the volume at a predetermined level that would not bother the rest of us, and where his cereal was so he could munch on something because his internal clock woke him up at 5 a.m. EVERY morning. Even if he'd been up until late the night before. Not quite the same, but she gave up trying to find ways to make him sleep longer and just figured out a way to get herself more sleep. What if you gave him some toys in his crib to play by himself? Would he do that?
The only other thing I can remember is she used to have kids in her class that were diagnosed ADHD and the medication didn't seem to work. Each time she'd approach the parent and suggest they start sending something different in their lunches pointing out the sugar in the juices, snack packs, etc probably wasn't helping. Two of the kids didn't need medication after that. So maybe see if there is something in your cupboards that may be contributing?
First off.... you are truly a super mom for dealing with this as well as you are.
I hope that the new doctor can point you on a helpful path. I know that you have heard a lot of suggestions but I would just like to add about the food issue. I was the opposite as a child and it wasn't until I was an adult that I was diagnosed as a celiac (wheat/gluten allergy) and what you mentioned sounded like my friend when she was growing up who is also a celiac. She never gained weight and would never sleep.
I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you!