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New Here and Need Advice
I posted this on the Knot board, but only got a couple responses. Would appreciate your opinions also:
So last Tuesday evening, my cousin chose to take his own life. I am getting married in 6 weeks and I am wanting to do something in memory of him. To give you a back story, my godmother died in December and I was originally planning on dedicating Ave Maria to her. Now that my cousin has died, I am thinking of having the vocalist actually sing a song in memory of the both of them. So what i am asking is:
Is it too soon after his death to dedicate a song to him (will it make people too upset?)
Also, which song should I pick for the vocalist to sing in memory of the both of them?
thank you so much. I would have never imagined having to deal with something like this so close to my wedding and my mind is a fog.
Re: New Here and Need Advice
If you think a song might be too upsetting, another thing that I've seen done is to have a memory candle burning off to the side, and a note in the program stating who it is in memory of. That way, if you think it might be too painful for your guests to sit thru a song, they can look at the candle as they wish, appreciate the gesture, and look away if it gets to be too much.
Just an idea.
I am so sorry for your loss you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
I had 2 people in my family pass a month before our wedding and a week apart from each other. One being an 11 year old who accidently hung himself.
Part of me thinks a song would be harder on people with how long it is. For the 2-3 minutes the song is playing they may sit there and think only about those people which could potentially put a damper on things.
Are you having a catholic wedding? If so you could maybe add something in the petitions that specifically mentions them. We wrote all of our petitions and mentioned the 2 names specifically and then added in the same line something along the lines of everyone else that has passed in our lives. We also had a poem and the name of everyone in our program.
If you want/need I can check when i get home if I still have a copy of our petitions and program to give you the exact wording.
I second the candle idea. That way you have something in his memory that won't upset people as much. I think that you should do where your heart leads you and you should consult his family. I am so sorry for your loss.
At our wedding we mentioned something in the program about lost loved ones: "On this day of love and happiness, we remember those who can no longer be with us, including; . . ."
We also had a memory table at our reception. With a picture and candle of those mentioned in the program.
Just my own $.02 and I'm sure I'm in probably the only one that feels this way - but I don't think you should mix memorials with weddings. Funerals and memorials were had at the time of death, and it's really important that the living continue on with the living and move forward. Adding memorials to all the other events just acts as a reminder of loss rather than a celebration of life.
My father has passed. For my wedding, rather than set up a table, my brother walked me down the aisle. He carried my father's watch in his pocket. My brother & I were the only ones who knew he did that, and I thought it was a lovely gesture (esp. since my wedding date was also my dad's birth date).
When I see memorials outside of funerals, it reminds me of my HS graduation. A student died in a car accident the week before the graduation and our entire graduation was turned into a memorial service and general sob-fest. I am not so heartless that I didn't care about his loss, but the day was supposed to be happy and celebratory. Instead it was downright depressing and everyone seemed afraid to even be a little happy.