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wedding invite - WWYD?
hi ladies, i know you'll have some great advice...
MH has a friend he's known for, oh, idk, 8 years or so, who's getting married next month. i've never met her fiance (didn't even know she had a bf until we got the save the date). I've met her once, maybe 3.5 years ago, before we got engaged. I did NOT like her. at all. she was super possessive, and kept making these "inside jokes" to prove to me* that she's known MH longer than i have, etc - and I was totally in the dark about these jokes, of course. not only that, I felt that MH acted differently around her - she would "jokingly" belittle him, etc - and he just took it. i couldn't stand it, and was getting annoyed at him for just taking her comments, and laughing it off. i was in a horrible mood that entire weekend. sometime after that, I told MH how i felt about her and how she treated him, and the topic never came up again. i have no idea how often they keep in touch, etc. at the time, i told MH it was up to him who he wanted to be friends with, and then just dropped it.
* at least, that's how it felt to me
MH invited her to our wedding, but they didn't come - her note on the rsvp card said they'd be in aruba. and they didn't send a gift or a card (but who's tracking 
)
i don't want to go to her wedding. it will be hundreds of dollars to travel, for accomodations, for a gift, etc. the only other person there that i will recognize is another one of MH's friends, whom i've met once - at our wedding. the wedding is in vegas, which could be fun, but, eh. ...did i mention i much how much i don't like her? but i feel like i should be there - b/c if i don't go, MH will probably go alone, which i think would be worse. ...i haven't actually asked him if he would go alone - nor have i reminded him how much i dislike her. but seriously, just thinking about the woman puts me in a bad mood.
i've been just ignoring this for months, not wanting to deal with it, but MH just rsvp'd for 2 today, and is planning the trip.
ugh. so i guess this was really a vent. but i'm curious to hear what you all think!
Re: wedding invite - WWYD?
I was in a similar situation with MH's best friend who married someone I could not STAND. They were getting married in Florida then taking a weekend cruise to the Bahamas, on which they expected everyone to go. MH was the best man so he went (just the ceremony, not the cruise), but I stayed home. We probably could have made it work financially if we really wanted to, but it would've been tough. If I liked her I might have gone, but I don't.
I guess I could go either way on this one. If it's important to YH, suck it up and go. It's a trip to Vegas and you just happen to be spending an afternoon/evening celebrating a wedding.....at least that's how I'd look at it! But, I totally get when you can't stand someone - it makes it really hard to play nice!
Oh wow, that sucks. Feel free to vent anytime here...
But yeah, I'd probably just go just to be there with YH and then maybe you guys don't have to stay past the events (ie. cake cutting, first dance, etc) and leave when it's time to dance to go party somewhere else in Vegas
Heh, too bad you couldn't just RSVP no before YH got to it and say "Oops, too late" =P
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
i don't want MH to show up without me, b/c of how possessive she was about him last time we met. yes, i know - it was 3.5 years ago. who knows if she even had a bf then. hopefully, she's over it by now, but i don't want to give her any opportunities to speculate about why i'm not there.
MH probably asked me about going, and I probably gave a non-committal response. but he would expect me to speak up if i didn't want to go.
ugh, okay, now i feel like the possessive one.
i guess i'm just going to suck it up and go. i don't think it will really do any good to make a big deal about it now. and as pp mentioned, i should just treat this like a little mini-vacation to vegas!
sigh.
to be fair, MH did ask me whether the itinerary sounded okay, what i wanted to select for my meal, whether hotel x was okay or whether i'd prefer hotel y...and each time, i answered the question.
so this is really all my own fault. i think i asked him when we first got the std whether he wanted to go, and he said he did - so i had decided i would go and not say anything about it. but now that it's time to actually go, i've realized how much i don't want to go! blargh. okay, thanks for letting me vent a very long vent!
Hmmm... toughy. Would you want to go to Vegas anyway, though? Do you think there'd be a chance of not seeing much of her since she'll be busy doing wedding stuff?
I don't really have any advice but hope something works out for you...
Yeah, she sounds like a twat. It's a good thing he isn't close friends with her and that you guys don't spend much time with her. Small blessings, eh!
If this were me? I'd go with the hubby and make it a fun trip (with an annoying day/evening spent at Twat's wedding thrown in the mix). The good news about the actual event is that you, more than likely, will not have to see/talk to her much as she will be so busy with everything and everyone at the wedding. You'll probably both have to spend, like, 20 mins max talking to her as she does the rounds at the reception.
Then, you sneak out at an acceptable time and go partying!
Since your DH already rsvp'd, i guess you have no choice but to go? lol. Like what Tina said, you probably wouldn't have much interaction with her during the wedding since you know how hectic the day is and you really don't have much time to mingle with all the guests. I say go and make a fun trip out of it :-). Since your DH is aware that you don't like the girl, just mention again that you want little interaction with the bride as much as possible
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Yep, it sounds like you're stuck with going. I guess just make the best of it! PPs are right, you probably won't have to spend too much time with her anyway since YH isn't in the wedding party or anything.
J used to have a friend like this... they had known each other for years before we started dating. Right up until we (she and I) met, she would make a big deal to him about how excited she was to meet me. After a few months, we finally went to a party she was attending. She actually talked to the person on the other side of me - literally talked over/around me - all night, and ignored me completely! After we left, J asked what I thought of her and I said "Well, I don't think she likes me very much!" and explained what she'd done. After that, she spent 2 years "forgetting" my name, until finally J told her "Stop it, you know who my girlfriend is!". They are no longer friends.
Maybe now that you've pointed it out to him, YH will catch on to her behavior? Or since she's got a new husband, she might stop acting so possessive of him. Good luck, and enjoy your trip! I'm sure you'll have a great time.
I personally don't think you guys need to go even though the RSVP has been sent. However, YH will need to make a call and mention "a meeting" came up. I had a few people have to cancel a month out before my wedding and I didn't hold it against them. Because really, we know.......the actual numbers don't need to be in until what, a few days before? And come on, its Vegas. Nothing about Vegas is by the book!
So you can imagine my view point on this........if you just aren't feeling it, why spend that money and time off work to go? I'd rather spend that money and time off doing something I'D want to do. Right?? If Vegas is affordable, you guys can get time off, and its somewhere desireable for you guys to go, then sooo go!! I love Vegas, but I used to live only a couple of hours away from there so it certainly isn't the first place for me to go visit!
And if you do go, hope you have a great time.......my advice would be to stay in a different hotel than this broad. Let us know how it turns out!
ugh - she doesn't sound fun at all. Our "friend" in Seattle is a bit like her - she always tries to bring up stories from MH's past. It's a little different b/c I knew him then too but it gets old and I'm always on edge b/c I never know what she is going to say, or what gossip she will start after our visits. We remain friends b/c MH likes her bf/partner.
Anyways, I think since you have sent back the RSVP you should start getting excited about planning a Vegas trip. Maybe you should suggest to your husband some events just the 2 of you can do so it really is a trip to Vegas with an afternoon/evening taken up by a wedding. You are not obligated to hang out with them for anything else... And if you really don't want to go - let your husband know. The trip will be expensive and you could always say you would rather go somewhere else and just let the bride know that you tried to make it work but something else came up...
Tina you make me laugh out loud!!!
I was in a similar situation. MH was good friends with one of his ex girlfriends who was really posessive and did the same type of things: talking about fun stories from the past, constantly having inside jokes and trying to make me feel like I didn't know MH (who was my boyfriend of 6 months at the time).
My mom suggested ignoring her and letting MH notice her behaviour so that he could deal with it. Well MH is dense and is not wise to the ways of catty girls. So... I ignored my mom's wisdom and totally caused a scene the next time she was a b!tch to me. Wow - awkward and embarassing! I definitley could have dealt with it better. That was 4.5 years ago. We still see them 3 or 4 times a year. She's WAY nicer to me now.
The moral of the story is that in retrospect I would go to begas! Ignor her and have a fantastic time in Vegas! Look gorgeous! Bring your bikini and enjoy a drink by the pool! Ooooooh you could also see a show!
Married Bio
tehe, thanks ladies, for making me laugh (Twat's wedding! you know that's how i'll secretly be referring to it from now on), and commiserating with me.
I was still really upset this morning. I talked to MH, reminded him that i wasn't excited about the wedding (to which he said, "b/c you don't like her" and I responded "i dislike her *intensely*" - just to emphasize the point! hah). i stated i'm only going b/c i don't want him going alone - and he said he'd still want to go even if i didn't - he has other friends who will be there (they all worked together) whom he doesn't get to see or talk to often. fair enough, i'm not going to tell him what he can and can't do.
anyhow, i had to go off to work, and i was fuming - writing an email to MH in my head detailing how much i dislike her
and how i can't go to the wedding b/c i will be in a nasty mood the entire weekend, and he should just go without me. got to work, had to go straight to a mtg. calmed down a bit by not thinking about it, and mellowed out throughout the day.
i still think she's a horrible friend - not just to me, but to him too - but i've stated as much, and it's his decision
he's known her for years, and i've known her for 1 weekend - who knows, maybe that was out of character for her. but i will definitely tell MH i don't intend to stay the entire time, or go to the after party, or stay long at the sunday brunch...and we better have some alone time - not just wedding stuff the entire weekend! one of our communication things we (okay, I) emphasize is that we freely choose whether or not to attend events with the other's friends. eg: if i say i don't want to go, unless it's really important to MH i'm there, i should get to stay home. and if i say i'm going to go, i'm *choosing* to go - no complaints. guess i need to live up to that now!
thanks for listening ladies. i really appreciate it