June 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Married life poll
I'm bored out of my mind, and procrastinating my work. Maybe we can get some interesting conversation going.
What is your LEAST favorite part about married life? Why?
Re: Married life poll
* That there's no easy way out. (Disclaimer: I'm not trying to get out or think that it will happen per se, but yeah...)
* The pressure from others that now you're a wife you must Cook! Clean! Bake! like you're suddenly Donna Reed now that the ring is on.
* "When are you going to have baaaaabies?"
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
* Ditto Mamie
* Ditto Mamie
* Ditto Mamie
* "How's married life? How is it being a wife?" Ummm...I'm pretty sure I was still a person before I got the title of "WIFE" and I'm pretty sure my whole life is just as interesting to ask about in addition to "married life" (as though, like, graduate school isn't part of "married life").
I'll answer my own question
I find I have to hold my tongue every once and awhile, and this goes against my nature. But I do it to keep the peace, or I guess you could explain it by saying I'm choosing my battles. Obviously this happens for small things, nothing life-altering.
For example, DH washes the dishes after I cook dinner. He does a not so great job. He doesn't wash the handles or bottoms of pots, and doesn't rinse the soap off all the way. he also doesn't clean the dish drain. These are all very specific things that could easily be remedied, but I feel if I complain he'll get all defensive and stop doing them.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
DH is awful at vacuuming (does move furniture, or use the attachments for the corners) but I can't say anything since at least he is doing it!!!
I hate that everyone asks when we are having kids. I started to tell people, "I don't know, but we practice all the time".
Mamie - do you think they do it on purpose?
St joe - I feel the same way. I really like to cook, but not every day. When it feels like a job I get all pissy about it.
SBS - you are a much better and more complete person now that someone has committed to love you 4eva, don't you know that?
Cruella - LOL.
Everyone else - I feel like I should go out for beers with all your hubbys, and you can stay here and talk to mine...I'M the one who's TERRIBLE at vaccuming, washing dishes, etc. etc. etc. **hangs head in shame**
Walt- exactly how I feel. I know I put the "wifely duties" pressure on myself, but I also hear little jokes from my family AND his about my domestic prowess. Hell, I'm even a joke on this board for my lack of cooking/burned desserts!
Cru - Yes I've had those suspicions. I think it's such a learned thing, especially for men, that if you don't do it right you won't have to do it in the future.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
My least favorite part is knowing that my ILs are now family and will always be in the picture and have to be taken into account. I have a really complicated relationship with them. I like them and they have been very supportive in so many ways. And in other ways they are totally not supportive and have really hurt/disappointed C.
Other than that, all the cheesy feelings that I did not have before the wedding, during the wedding, since the wedding, and only borderline on the honeymoon, have suddenly hit. I've been insanely sappy and loving everything about setting up a house and planning our life.
As for dishes: When C spent a summer living with me, he sucked at dishes. I'd put them back in the sink without saying anything. He'd ask later why the dishes were there and I'd say "it wasn't clean". His dishwashing skills greatly improved after that.
My friend had the same problem. One day she served her husband dinner on the dish he'd "cleaned". He complained about having a dirty plate. She was like "check mate".
October 2013 February Siggy Challenge: Valentine's Day Fail
EDD 10/3/13
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
To make you feel better, I decided this weekend to make a blueberry buckle (which normally are delicious). I decided to double the recipe and instead of an 8x8 pan, use a 13x9, and then just add some time into the baking time.
I opened the door to a beautiful looking buckle. Too bad when I cut into it, the ENTIRE BOTTOM AND SIDES WERE BLACK.
Apparently I didn't need to add any time to the baking time, even though I doubled the recipe. Would have been nice to know prior to letting it sit in a 450 degree oven 10 minutes too long. FML.
Walt - I'm also scared about how I'll manage with kids. It's a major part of what makes me feel not ready for kids.
As for housework and managing things: I've been really careful about not taking on everything. My mom did EVERYthing when we were growing up and my dad and brothers completely expect it now and she resents it. AND she was so busy with household things that now that she has less to do she feels un-needed.
October 2013 February Siggy Challenge: Valentine's Day Fail
EDD 10/3/13
2 complaints:
* The pressure I put on myself to make things perfect, i.e. dinner on the table, clean house, folded laundry, etc. It worries me that if I can't keep up now, I'll never be able to handle working and have kids, etc. Scares the crap out of me. I have no idea how my mom did everything all those years.
* The fact that because I'm now technically related to my in-laws I'm automatically supposed to say "I love you" and hug every single time I see them or talk to them on the phone, etc. Thank god they dont want me to call them mom and dad (although I never asked what to call them, I just finally started using their first names after 3 years of avoiding it at all). But seriously, you didnt become my parents overnight - whats with the sudden displays of affection? It just makes me uncomfortable.
HomemadebyHolman
Follow me on Twitter
Become a Fan on Facebook
Married
Walt, okay, that DOES make me feel better.
hawkilady - Weird about the affectionate ILs! I'm guessing their request to be called "mom and dad" isn't too far behind.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
We're in the midst of some pretty big changes. Relocating, I'm facing job hunting, selling our house...
My number one thing I don't like is worries about finances. Figuring out how we'll pay the bills if we're down my paycheck. Figuring out details about selling the house. Figuring out how on Earth we're going to pay down our debt so we can get crackin' with the babymaking (we're in our 30s, so don't want to wait too long). I'd be a lot less stressed if I had a job lined up for when we move. I've always taken pride in paying my share of things and being able to support myself, this could be an adjustment.
Regarding the Susie Homemaker Syndrome and the dishes: Thankfully I'm SO not having a case of SHS. I did when we first moved in together, and it was exhausting. Eventually I figured out that we'd work it out together and I didn't need to do everything perfectly. For the dishes, its the one chore he refuses to do. He's complained in the past about my missing a spot or the like & I've told him to just put it back in the sink or to wash it himself. Complaining like that was just pissing me off and making me want nothing to do with the dishes. I'd be thrilled if DH washed dishes, even if they weren't done perfectly. Was there a drink meeting for those inept at housekeeping? I'm so there!
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11 due to Pre-E
BFP#3 10.2.12 (EDD 6.12.13) MMC 11.24.12 @11.5w, had passed in 7th week
My Chart Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
It is not going to happen... I can't do it. They are perfectly nice but they drive me crazy - MIL already tells me how glad she is to have a daughter all the time and I think to myself - you still dont. Maybe I'm being mean and they are normal, who knows.
HomemadebyHolman
Follow me on Twitter
Become a Fan on Facebook
Married
Since the wedding:
Obnoxious UberChristian Coworker: How is married life?
Me: Not so much different.
OUC: but now you live with him...
Me: we were already living together.
OUC: you lived together?!
Me: for seven years.
pause....
OUC: So when are you going to start working on the baby?
Me: Let me enjoy married life for a while!
OUC: I'll give you until February.
Me:
end of conversation.
Shut up OUC! When and if I decide to procreate is none of your business!
Re: dishes and whatnot: We tend to let things go until one of us gets disgusted and starts cleaning. (we're both super organized and neat at work, but somehow that doesn't translate to our living space) Which means I do the dishes and the laundry most of the time... and the vacuuming about half the time. We've never had any conversation about the quality of these things. The thing we do get into trouble about is dinner. When we had a roommate, I actually had to make a schedule, where we alternated making dinner (which meant every third day we had delivery b/c roommate couldn't cook).
So, roommie moved out and DH and I maintained the schedule. But now he will occasionally get all cranky about "making decisions" cause he's been "making decisions all day." At which point I'm not allowed to ask what he wants for dinner, because then he has to make a decision, and why can't I make some of the decisions in our relationship? Riiiight. Cause there is no decision making involved in teaching high school. And "would you like chicken or pasta?" is such a hard choice.
Solution: I got a subscription to Real Simple, which occasionally does a segment called "a month of easy dinners". Which Rocks! It gives you a weekly shopping list and then five recipes for each week. Most of them take about 30 min. and have 500 cal or less. Which means I can have dessert. yay. Today we had Tilapia with peppers and olives (and onions, lime juice and parsley), which took exactly 20 min and was very yummy. DH even said nice things about it, and he's not a fish fan. I basically told him I'm going to follow the month of recipes unless he gives me advance notice that he wants something else. I could push for the old schedule so he would cook more (he's actually really good at it and usually enjoys it), but realistically, I do get home an hour before he does, and it's more important to me than to him that we eat dinner before 9pm. So I'm just going to make him in charge of weekends.
Ditto everyone else on the cleaning front. I'd have to say the thing I like the least is feeling like I have to run a household rather than just run my own life. DH helps with things but only when I ask or make him a list of what to do. It's not often that he does things on his own without me asking, and I hate feeling like a nag. Even though we lived together for 2 years before getting married, and this has improved significantly since he first moved in, it still feels overwhelming at times.
The other thing is I feel more stressed about finances, but that's more about trying to prepare for a baby.
feeling like i sort of have to "run the household". We still keep our finances mostly separate for now, but I keep things in order and keep track of our important papers and upcoming events, which is really not much different than pre-marriage, because we still lived together. but i feel a little more responsibility towards it now.
also, i have to jumpstart all of the cooking/cleaning. if i werent there to get things going, i am failry convinced that DH would spend his nights in front of the tv or playstation eating tv dinners, surrounded by piles of dirty clothes.