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advice please--long
I just received an email from my mom and I'm not sure what to say to her. Here is a little background first. My parents divorced when I was 12, my parents settled out of court and they decided that my dad would have custody of my younger brother and me. My parents divorced because my mom cheated on my dad twice in their 13 year marriage, once at the beginning and once at the end. She married my dad to get away from her parents and to show them that she was responsible. I don't think she ever loved my dad. I am still very angry with what she did and the way it all happened and we basically don't have any form of a relationship now. I feel like through everything that happened it was the choices my mom made that left our relationship the way it is now. I feel as though I will never forgive my mom for doing what she did to my dad, no matter what is said. I love the life I have without her in it and feel like I don't want to change anything (I know I am being selfish there). My mom irritates me beyond belief and just doesn't appreciate the fact that I have grown up making smarter choices then she did and still does.
Fast forward to today, she writes me and tells me that 6 months ago she wrote to the Dr. Phil show and wants me to go with her to talk over our issues. They wrote back and want us to go on the show. What would you do?
Re: advice please--long
Yikes - that is a tough situation. Do you think she's doing it because she really truly wants to "fix" your relationship and thinks it will help? Or do you think she's doing it to get on tv?
I'd figure that out first, then decide if it would make you feel better as a person to try and help your mom feel better. And also, how it would make your dad feel.
If it were me, I wouldn't go. I'm not one to air things that personal in front of so many people. Why does it need to be on TV? If she truly wants to resolve things, why not offer to go with you to a counselor to make things better? I'd do the counseling, not the national audience. IMHO, it seems like she's looking for attention.
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Wow. (As a sidenote I have a similar situation with my mom)
Ditto JD and junebug. Why sort it out on TV and not in private? What's her true motivation here? Has she approached your little brother to do this too?
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I wouldn't do it. You said you're happy that she's not in your life. So what's the point of going? If you DO want to change things, I really don't think national TV is the place to do it.
If you want 15 min of fame though, go for it.
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Wow. First of all, I am sorry that you've even had to deal with this. You too Mamie. My heart really goes out to you both on that.
Secondly, I agree with everyone else. I absolutely would never, ever, ever air out something like that on tv. I don't even put personal updates on my FB status, let alone on national television. The thought of doing that literally horrifies me.?
My immediate assumption is that her reason for wanting to go on national television is to put the spotlight on you and make you look like the bad guy for shutting her out, thereby forcing you to forgive her. It makes perfect sense, right?
If she wants to work on the relationship, and if you're willing to take that step, then seeing a therapist is a great idea...just not on national freaking television!
Yeah, I agree with everyone else. I guess I'm just thinking of my own mom, who I'd, in retrospect, literally do anything for to make her happy. But that's not your situation.
But it does seem like, by having to ask about it, you're kind of torn.
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I'd go. But I'd wear a wig and dark glasses, refuse to remove them, and answer every one of Dr. Phil's questions with "Well, baldy, if you were a REAL doctor, you might have already noticed..." or "I'd answer you, but I don't believe someone who enabled Octomom deserves a response..." or something similar.