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bridal party drama...
I am a bridesmaid in a good friend of mine's wedding- my first time in a bridal party. I normally get along very well with my friend's mom, but in attempting to plan her shower, this mom has been more than I can handle.
The other BMs (including the MOH) have shown NO interest in even beginning to plan the shower or look for ideas, but the mom has basically decided that she is planning the whole thing herself- oh and she wants THREE showers- one in the bride's hometown, one in the groom's hometown, and one separate shower for "the younger people (aka the bride's college friends- we are mostly in the 23-25 range)."
I was always told it was generally inappropriate for the mother of the bride to throw the shower (everyone has their own circumstances of course, and sometimes it is necessary, but in this situation I don't think it's necessary to her to host...). Should I try to step up and take charge of planning? Should I try to keep on the other bridesmaids to be more active in their planning role? Or should I just sit tight, keep my mouth shut, let the mom plan what she wants, and avoid the drama? Advice please!!!!
TIA!
Re: bridal party drama...
Like you I think the etiquette is to be that the mother doesn't host the shower. That being said I know my mom, MIL, and my other BM's organized mine. My MOH was literally a space cadet. Maybe you could host specifically the shower for the "younger" crowd and get the BM's to help with that?
Does the bride really want 3 showers or does she not know about the mom's plan?
I was going to say exactly what Jen said. You host the "friends" shower and let the mom do the other two. You can approach it by saying "I know you have a lot to do with the other two showers, so if you like I can be in charge of the third."
Personally I think that 3 showers is quite ridiculous but that is just my opinion. If the bride does know about the showers, I would consider talking to her about what she wants. For me, if I had not voiced my opinion about my bridal shower, it would have been something that was not me and all about my MIL. (Which is why I am so happy that we are moving away from this area and when we have babies...I won't be close enough to have a shower!)
Thanks for everyone's advice- the bride does know what her mom wants to do, and is really not excited about it, but her mom has been really unapproachable through this whole process (i have gotten multiple late night phone calls from a crying bride about it). I like your idea of having myself and the other bridesmaids plan the "friends" shower, and drvwife that is a really good suggestion for a tactful way of suggesting it!