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When is enough, enough? You thoughts please.
For the stay at home moms (and even those who are not), a question.
My friend is a real go-getter. She?s always been that way apparently, even making money when she was 14 by renting out a neighbour?s pool and giving swimming lessons to kids over the summer. She?s definitely a hard worker. But, her current situation has got me concerned and wondering, when is enough, enough? And when and how do you decide to draw the line with respect to work and family?
She has 2 kids. One just turned 4 and one will be 2 this December. Before the birth of her first child, she and her DH decided that the ideal arrangement would be for her to be a SAHM, but only if she could manage to make as much money from home as she was working. So, she started work as a Stampin? Up demonstrator. The arrangement didn?t work. She spent as much money on her personal crafts as she did selling to others. So, she decided to start up her own computer software design company (her background is in this). Between the two jobs she could manage occasionally gross enough to make up for not going out to work. But, between her part time child care expenses and business expenses, not to mention staying up often for 24 hours at a time, it was a struggle to make a consistent income. Undaunted, she dropped her babysitter, and took on even more work, acting as payroll clerk for the company that DH and several investors just started. Right now she is working for free, in order to earn shares in the company. As part of her job, she is responsible to set up conference calls, make travel arrangements, etc. About a month ago, I overheard a conference call on speaker phone where her kids were screaming in the background?as they were trying to have a business meeting! DH spoke to her about it, as it was really unprofessional, and her ?excuse? was that she had no one to care for the kids during the call (note: several times over the past year I have suggested she hire someone to come to her home, even for a few hours a week to care for the kids so she can get some work done). This morning, I got an email from her that she has started yet another home based business. This time it?s selling jewelry!
Part of me understands her desire to be at home with her children. But part of me resents feeling like I am only here to supplement her so she doesn?t have to get a job. I feel like her kids are losing out, b/c their mom is too caught up in stubbornly refusing to work outside of the home, to see that she?s taken on too much. She?s totally defeating the purpose of staying home with them. Her mom comes in a few afternoons a week to take the kids off of her hands, but even then she can barely make a dent in the backlog of work. DH s ready to ?fire? her b/c she can?t be counted on to get things done for the company. I doubt, when all is said and done, that she is making much more than she would working even part time and paying a sitter.
So, when would you draw the line? How would/could you justify continuing to do what she?s doing knowing that you aren?t getting any further ahead?
Re: When is enough, enough? You thoughts please.
It doesn't sound to me like she's a SAHM at all - rather a mom who works from home. If she's spending all her time working and not interacting with her children, what's the point? It sounds like they'd get more attention if they were being cared for by a full time caregiver.
That's tough - she's obviously struggling. But just because you're home, doesn't mean you're available to your kids. You have to make time for that.
I would stop short of using "neglect" but she absolutely doesn't give them the attention they deserve. To me, being physically present but emotionally absent is worse than being gone all day. Her little ones don't understand the situation.
Exactly this. I guess I cannot understand what the purpose is of what she's doing. If it was to be financially secure, she'd be working. If it was to spend time with her kids, she'd be doing it.
Has she given any thought to watching other kids in her home? I think that would be much preferable to her current situation. Her kids could have friends, she could interact with them more, and she'd make money.
It sounds stressful. I feel bad for her. From what I read it doesn't sound as if her husband is very supportive (from what I gathered, he'll only allow her to SAH if she makes as much as when she was working, yet she's working for his company and he's not paying her?)
I doubt she would consider caring for other's kids...although it certainly wouldn't be a bad option.
Her husband is fed up I think. He's out at a job he doesn't much like in order to make up for the lack of income she is now generating. Their relationship is definitely suffering as a result.
Oh, she is working for *my* DH's company. Sorry, it does sound a tad confusing the way I wrote it.
Well if I was your husband I would have fired her right after the conference call. That's his reputation she's damaging by not finding proper care while working and is inexcusable.
I think if you work you need child care. Whether you're working from home or at an office, because if it's not acceptable in the office it's not acceptable at home. Exceptions being things like Mary Kay, Avon, Silpada, etc because you can set your hours around your spouse's.