Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Friend I spoke about in my confession, kinda long
I want to know if I am being a snotty *** here. I'll give you the backstory. Said friend is on antidepressants. She came to my bach party (we rented a house for the weekend, got a limo, and a stripper. She said she only could help pay for the limo bc she wasn;t staying the night (she lived close to where the bars were).
She ended up getting so drunk that she couldn't get into a few of the bars we wanted to go to. The limo ended up having to drive her back to the house we were staying at while we were still at the bars. The limo was late picking us back up bc it was still coming back from dropping her off. She ends up sleeping on the couch, pissing herself in her sleep. Leaving before anyone woke up in the morning, and taking my friends blanket that she got from India to wrap herself in to go home bc she was covered in piss. So needless to say I was a little upset with her. I never told her this, but I also never talked to her after the bach party.
Fast forward to my wedding back in June. Her and her FI come to the wedding, eat the food, drink a shitton of booze from the open bar and sketchily try to leave the wedding literally at like 1:30 in the afternoon. I happened to be walking to the deck at the same time and saw them, but acted like I didn't. They leave without saying goodbye or anything. Again, kinda pissed off at her.
This friend decided to get married on NYE. I used to hate the idea of NYE weddings, mainly bc, well, it's NYE and I rather be doing other things. After a couple craptastic NYEves, I sorta like the idea of hanging out with your friends, drinking, eating, etc. What better way to spend it than at a wedding.
They've only been engaged for maybe 9 months by the time they get married. I don't know what kind of rush they were in, but they aren't doing anyone a favor getting married on NYE.
Please let me know if I am completely off base here, but I think of NYE weddings as pretty lavish, or at the very least, a sit down dinner and dancing. They are having it at the Elks Lodge where her and her husband are members, doing a cash bar (not knocking cash bars at all, but still), and having a hot appetizer buffet. Their ceremony doesn't start until 7:30 which means we won't be eating until at least 9. It just seems to me like it won't be much fun at all.
I've decided I am not going based on the array of reasons I've posted above.
Re: Friend I spoke about in my confession, kinda long
Question: would you feel the same about the situation if she hadn't done the things she did at your bach party? It sounds like you're still (rightfully) annoyed about that.
Honestly, my first thought was that she may be naive and not be familiar with the idea that generally NYE weddings are lavish. Second, I thought that if one of my friends had a NYE wedding and didn't have the money to spend on a fancier wedding, I would still go if she was a good friend. I think it ultimately comes down to whether or not you think this chick is a good friend or not.
coleman--that's what I am kind of torn about in my mind. I don't know if it's me being angry with her bc of the crap she pulled at my bach party and wedding and that's why I am hating on her wedding, or whether I would be hating on her wedding regardless.
I think bottomline I would be hating on her wedding a bit, despite the things she did to me.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I would probably decline too given what you've written...but not because its a NYE wedding...because it really doesn't sound like she's a close/great friend of yours.
I don't think NYE weddings need to be lavish, to me its about who you're with rather than where you're at or what you're wearing. I don't think they owe their guests an open bar either. What I do think though, is that given that its NYE they should be providing a full meal since obviously people will be drinking.
That said, maybe they are starting the ceremony at 7:30 banking on people eating before they head over.
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11 due to Pre-E
BFP#3 10.2.12 (EDD 6.12.13) MMC 11.24.12 @11.5w, had passed in 7th week
My Chart Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
My thoughts- How good of friends were you with her? My guess is you haven't really spoken since your bparty/wedding. If it was a friendship that meant anything to me then I would plan on going to the wedding. If it's a friendship that is at a dead end then I would skip it. She must have meant something to you if you invited her to both your bparty and wedding. To bad she got out of control and was a bit rude.
I wouldn't go either because it doesn't sound like there is much of a friendship left.
And I agree that if you are going to schedule something like a wedding on NYE, you owe your guests a little more than hot wings and bruschetta at the lodge. But providing my friends and family with good food and drink are a priority for me any day I host a party.
Do you think you'll regret later on if you don't go? People make stupid mistakes...
I think the scenario of her wedding aside, when people chose to hold events on 'holidays,' they have to expect that guests won't be able to attend for one reason or another. I think it's perfectly acceptable not to go to a holiday wedding, whatever your reason(s). To that end, I don't think extra explanation to her as to why you're not attending is needed (which may be a blessing in disguise).?
As someone who has lots of experience with this (my birthday is on NYE), people always have their own agendas and expectations for NYE, which is something that I think anyone wishing to hold a wedding on that night would factor in.
?
See, I think holiday weddings do kind of need to be "bigger" than normal weddings. This may be affected by the fact that I live in a city and even if I weren't going to a party on NYE there would still be tons of bars and clubs and concerts and things to do, but spending your NYE with her means you're giving up other things. As others have said, if you're good friends with her you'd be willing to do it, but it sounds like you may not be so the tradeoffs aren't there.
Here's an example: on of DH's friends got married the Saturday after Thanksgiving last year, in the midwest where he, his now wife and most of their families live. That's all well and good for them, they were probably all getting together for the holiday anyway, but for us it would have meant flying halfway across the country and giving up Thanksgiving with our own families to be with them (not to mention the fact that I wasn't invited, just DH...). So we just didn't go.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
I agree that holiday weddings are expected to be a little more substantial than any other day, simply because no one is MAKING you have your wedding on that day. If you want a NYE wedding and it's going to be a snoozefest with some pigs in a blanket, that's ridiculous.
Regardless of the wedding, I agree with all above that if you haven't spoken to her and she snubbed you *at your own wedding*, she's not worth it even if it were on a regular day.