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My mom has breast cancer
She just got the results of a biopsy she had and it is cancer.
They think they caught it early but she needs to wait to talk to the surgeon (probably on Monday) to find out her options.
No one in my family has ever had breast cancer, so I am so shocked that the biopsy came back positive.
I want to be there for her, but I don't know what to do. My family has been very lucky thus far that we have not had to deal with any life threatening illnesses. All of my grandparents passed on when they were older; obviously they had health issues, but they were in their 80's and it was all stuff you would expect. My father and I have both had skin cancer (twice for my dad) but it was only basal cells - while it sucked and disfigured my nose, it was nothing life threatening.
Does anyone have any experiences they can share? Any advice on what I can do to be there for my mom? I am a very "action" oriented person, so I feel like I need to "do" something to help her fight this (my mom, on the other hand, is a very "pray and hope for the best" type of person, which is going to irritate me if she doesn't get tough and start fighting).
I already signed us up for the Making Strides walk on October 18. I used to walk it every year in high school, but was never really into it for the right reasons - I just did it because everyone else did. I always thought that breast cancer was something that would never affect my family - no one ever had it, so why would it start now? I guess I was wrong. I'm scheduling a mamogram for myself asap.
Re: My mom has breast cancer
I don't have any words of wisdom, just a sympathetic ear and shoulder. I'm sorry. I'm sure you and your family will do everything in their power to make her well, even if she is more passive about it.
Wow, Danielle, i'm so sorry. But it sounds like you have a great attitude for it! All you can do is be there for your mom and take on stuff for her. I'm sure she'll appreciate it no matter what.
Your family is in my thoughts!!
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So sorry to hear. Like pp said all you can really do is be there for her and make sure she gets all the support she needs. Let her talk about it when she wants to and NOT talk about it when she doesn't want to. That last part was very big with my mom.
I think after awhile she started to feel like that's all anyone wanted to talk to her about and sometimes she just really needed to forget about it for a little while.
I'll be thinking about your mom, good luck.
I am so sorry, Danielle. I can very much understand where you are coming from. I think all the women in my family have had either breast cancer or uterine cancer. (::sigh:: I really need to follow up with referral I have for some genetic counseling.) Luckily, so many women are getting great care for BC and living well following their diagnoses. Have they decided on treatment yet? That can be the hardest part depending on the course of treatment. My mom had a single mastectomy, but was lucky enough to not have to go through chemo or radiation.
Ditto phreerose's advice. I think my mom most appreciated me just being there, doing the normal stuff. I went to most of her appointments with her (oncologist, surgeon, and plastic consult), was there right after her surgery, and made sure to help out with the girlie stuff. She also wanted help with picking out a prosthetic and some new bras. Ask me about the time she came into my workplace and made me feel her new prosthetic boob in front of all my workers. Yeah, she's funny like that.
Again, I am really sorry to hear about your mom. If you want to chat about it, you know how to get a hold of me.
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I am so sorry to hear of such hard news. My thoughts go out to you and your family. It sounds like you possess naturally all the supportive instincts that will be so helpful to your mom and your family as you all go through whatever comes next in terms of treatment.
The PP thoughts and advice mirror anything that I would say. Being there for my mom meant making trips to various appointments, particularly for treatment, family outings--of the most ridiculous kind. As a family we cope with dark humor, and that helped a lot. Laugh whenever you can find the smallest reason to laugh. (Case in point, when the "arts & crafts" cart came through while my mom was in the hospital and her friend took a project, neatly ebroidering on a stuffed felt duck "F*ckie Duckie." Acknowledges the difficulty of the situation, but with a wry smile.)
I would only add that in addition to being there for your mom for whatever she needs, be sure to find support for yourself and the rest of your family too. For us, and I presume for most, it was something the whole family went through. If you need to research the latest treatments and research to feel more in control, do so if it helps you. Lean on friends. Lean on us here.
The one thing that I often think back on, wishing I'd done differently with my mother's illness, is to understand the nature of coping mechanisms--what the patient goes through, what the family goes through during diganosis and treatment. I just didn't get it at the time. And I think there are many places where such information, and support groups are available--hospitals, ACS, etc.
All of my best to you and your family.
Danielle, I am so sorry to hear this. This must feel so scary for you. I know the feeling of wanting to be in the "do" mode but for now, I would wait to hear what her oncologist has to say. Then, once you have all of the information you need, you can think about the "do."
For now, just be a support to your mom. She must be very frightened and confused. I am sure just knowing she has a loving daughter that is there for her is very helpful.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago and it was a very difficult time for all of us.
The most important thing is to be there for her. Take her out or chat when she needs a distraction. Be there to listen when she isn't feeling well. The physical changes/symptoms are some of the hardest to deal with, and she'll need your support during that. There are also some great resources and support groups that will be there to help, and it helped my mom so much.
Please let me know if you need anything or if you want to talk. Your family is in my prayers.
Danielle, I'm sorry about your mom. It's good that they think they caught it early. I hope all goes well with treatment. Positive vibes going to you and your mom.
Danielle, ?Sorry I am so late in responding. ?Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. ?I know you will be a wonderful support through this whole process. ?Make sure that you take care of yourself so that you can stay strong for her. ?Let us know if you need anything. ??
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis, Mrs. Kocal. It must be a terrible shock. I will be keeping your family in my prayers.
Danielle--To add my few cents-- I suggest to be her ear or shoulder, comforting her in the ways she responds to. Also, while she's undergoing treatment, I suggest doing some girl things to divert her mind--like a spa treatment, mani/pedi, dinners, etc. Or especially, anything you and your mom particularly enjoy like baking, scrapbooking, etc.
My mom had two breast biopsies before she was 50 and being in high school then, I was quite worried, so I understand your feelings. But, I think trying to maintain any normalcy and doing fun things you two enjoy, will help sustain her and get her through the treatment process much better.