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Relationship with ILs since wedding?
[Today I'm trying to finish my revisions for Chapter 1 of my thesis. So I'm relying on you to give me sitting-at-the-computer breaks!]
Before our weddings, most of us had issues with our ILs. Or were just annoyed by them. Has it changed at all since the wedding?
As you've all heard too much about, I had serious problems with SIL (Evil SIL-->EvSIL). Right after the wedding she attempted to make everything go away, but in the same breath was a complete and total biitch. So, we haven't spoken to her since 2 weeks after the wedding, though we still get annoying e-mails from her that we ignore.
My relationship with MIL has improved a lot and gone back to how it was pre-wedding planning. She's overall really supportive and tries to be there for us. I'm learning to just accept her hypocrisy and try to make the best of it.
FIL annoys me more and more. He has weird social skills and is just very focused on himself (as are his wife and daughter, which I think explains why C is pretty selfless). Still, I'm trying to suck it up and learning to deal with it.
C is pretty angry at his parents for not stepping up and dealing with the situation so he doesn't make much effort to see them. I've been the one pushing for contact with them since the wedding because I don't want him to regret these decisions later.
What about you?
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Re: Relationship with ILs since wedding?
Pre-wedding (actually pre-engagement) the only person I didn't get a long with was DH twin brother (but that has been since before DH and I started dating). Right before the engagement MIL thought that she would be able to basically talk to me in a way that she had no right to since I was just dating her son. She is a very arrogant and conceited person. I talked back to her and that pretty much ended the relationship we did have. I am sorry...but if you talk to me like that, you are bound to get a reaction back and depending on what was said, it isn't going to be pretty, because I am pretty blunt.
MIL are to the point where we will talk, but I won't be around her for more than I have too.
I have a very strange relationship with my ILs, but it's my fault. Paul's mother wants to have a relationship with me, I know she does (Paul is an only child and there's really no other woman in the family), but I don't typically get close to people.
I am not close with my parents at all, so it would be weird for me to get close to my ILs.
Since the wedding, I don't think I've talked to or saw my ILs once.
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MIL is completely obsessed with BIL and his FI now that they are engaged. Actually she was before but it just multiplied x10. DH and I just shake our head and keep our mouths shut. We've tried to talk to his family about BIL's FI but they just write it off as we're not giving her a chance. Ummm, no - we lived with them for a year, we know her and have seen more than anyone else how she is riding the coat tails of BIL. It's sad but unless they start to see it for themselves, there's nothing we can do.
MIL tried to crash our HM if that tells you anything. She's getting a little better in that she at least acknowledges us but there are still constant comparisons to BIL. BIL has a house (that is falling apart, moldy, and full of mice), 2 cars (neither work really well), 2 boats (one MIL gave them and the other is a pontoon with a hole that fills the floater with water), lake property (2/3 is unusable marsh the rest is wooded with no building), etc. We rent, have 1 well maintained car we share, and no boats. It bugs me that his family looks down on us because we have decided when we make those major purchases we want to have something we can be proud of. We are saving for a home and don't want to borrow from family to purchase a cheap house we can't maintain just to say we have one. We have been spending less and less time with the ILs because we are so tired of this.
And I haven't had any frozen rice pilaf shoved down my throat yet
I heart my inlaws. Maybe b/c they live 10 hrs away from us?
They're just very sweet and genuine people; and they are happy that their son is happy.
Should be interesting though, DH's Mom is flying out to PA, to visit both her sons the week prior to Thanksgiving, and then were driving her back to MI, so we can visit the rest of the family. = 10/11 hrs in the car w/ MIL.
I'm another lucky one...
I've never had a problem with my ILs at all and DH loves my whole family.
No issues at all
I have great IL's. They are very laid back and easy to get along with. DH and I went to his cousin's wedding this past weekend with them and although I usually have no problems with the IL's, my FIL drove me nuts this weekend. Everytime we had to be somewhere he was the one running late and I hate being late to anything. When we were leaving for the airport on Sunday he insisted that we be there way too early and we ended up sitting at a one gate, one ticket counter airport for almost 2 hours. I have traveled way too much in my life to know that we didn't need to be there that early but they wouldn't hear it. Especially when being there that early meant cutting visiting time short with family that they hardly ever get to see.
My parents live 20 minutes away from us. IL's live in Indonesia. DH hasn't lived with them for over 8 years, and they do not talk/email much at all. When they see each other (ie wedding) everything is fine, no drama, but they are NOT involved in each other's daily lives being so far away. I think its a bit odd, but I am letting him take the reins on that one.
I will email them occassionally if I need something, but in general we have had very little contact with them since the wedding. I think DH has talked to them twice on the phone.
We are planning to go visit them in January which I am looking forward to (who wouldn't like Bali during the Chicago winter??). We had a few minor disagreements over wedding stuff but its all fine now (I think?)
I got along just fine with ILs before, and now they are like super-excited to have me. DH is an only child and, in typical son fashion, not the most effusive with his love and attention (though he does call home every few days; I speak to my parents maybe twice a month, so he's got me beat there. But he never sends gifts/remembers anniversaries or anything like that).
MIL is constantly sending gifts and magazines and little things she's seen that she thinks I'll like. And when DH calls they always ask to speak to me at the end of the conversation. I actually think it's pretty cute. Like, now they have the daughter they always wanted!
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I do not get along with my MIL at all. She is manipulative, controlling and just an all around miserable person. She hangs up the phone if I answer when she calls and will only talk to DH. She constantly tries to prove to me that she knows DH better than I do and is always talking about how close they are. DH avoids talking to her at all costs and is not even remotely close to her. I could tell you horrow stories about the things she did to me before our wedding. I am nice when I see her but have no relationship with her whatsoever.
I've always had a great relationship with my DH's parents but I feel like since the wedding it's gotten better. During the planning MIL seemed like she didn't care a lot about the wedding but I attribute that to me being stressed out and over reacting and the fact that she has 2 sons so maybe she just didn't understand everything.
SIL on the other hand has been kind of competitive with me since the wedding. We're great friends, but everytime we're around her and BIL i feel like she's trying to prove that they're still newlyweds too and we shouldn't get all the attention (they got married Aug 08). I don't pay attention to it though, DH and I have been together so long that I don't need to show off our relationship to her.
I would say that my relationship with my ILs as a whole has gotten better since the wedding. It was always good, but its like now I'm 'official' or something. Probably somewhat also related to growing closer as we spend time together too. They are are long distance from us (we're military), so we don't see much of them.
There is only one IL that I've ever had an issue with, but she was my IL before the wedding. I totally get the EvSIL thing, have one of my own. Too many issues to delve into now. In a nutshell she's an AW who makes everything about her...including some notable tantrums leading up to the wedding (both her wedding and mine, a year apart). I'm thankful that the wedding is passed and I can limit my contact with her more.
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I still have respect for my MIL but I don't care for her one bit. She hasn't called our house once since the wedding. She only calls DH on his cell phone when she knows he isn't home. She doesn't email or make any attempt to contact me. Which is fine, I'd really rather not be bothered.
She pulled several stunts at our wedding that weren't tolerated and she knows it.
She's not a nice person, she has zero manners, definite hygiene and drinking issues and she generally treats me like crap.
Thus I'm thrilled she lives 4 states away and hasn't attempted to visit. Not that I'm 100% sure she'd be welcome in our home anyway.