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Friend's dad
I feel bad....I kinda need to vent. Kinda.
I mentioned before that my friend's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to his brain. While we were away, he was released from hospital but continues to undergo cranial radiation (he has 2 more treatments). I spoke with a friend who was travelling with us (she's a nurse who works with end stage cancer patients in palliative care in another city) about what was going on with him. She made it pretty clear, based on the info I had, that he was likely going through radiation as a pain-control measure, not as treatment. She went into detail about a bunch of things that made me realize that there, really, isn't much likelyhood that he'll recover. She did say not to get too excited if he suddenly had a bunch of energy or stayed awake for long periods of time b/c that can be a sign that he is nearing "the end".
I also spoke with DH's uncles, both of whom are physicians and work in cancer research. They, too, told me that his prognosis is grim. Survival of cancer of this sort (and one so aggressive) is in the single digits and patients don't usually live beyond 6 months.
I have been checking in with my friend daily to see how he's doing. It became clear to me immediately that she doesn't get just how sick her dad is. She told me this afternoon that she was really thrilled b/c he walked on his own to the kitchen this morning, then back to the sofa to lay down (he hasn't been able to walk on his own for weeks). And that he stayed up all day yesterday...until 9 pm (he's been napping for up to 6 hours each day). Then she exclaimed, "The radiation is working!". I wanted to cry. I know there are exceptions to everything, but I am not sure I believe he is one. I just bite my tongue when I speak to her. I try to encourage her to be positive, but I also feel llike I should prepare her for the eventuality that he may not be ok. It's so sad, and I feel like a bad friend.
Re: Friend's dad
This is going to sound odd from me, since I'm the queen of prepare for the worst, hope for the best.... but if the prognosis was that bad and it was my dad I might have to cling to the small positive signs and hope there is something to the power of positive thought and answered prayers and I'd be scared to let in any negativity while he's fighting to live.
It's not like admitting he's going to die is going to make it hurt any less. At least she'll have the comfort of knowing the last of his time with her was happy and cheerful and not crying. She can cry when he's gone.