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Vent: Toxic Single Friends!
So, this has been a long time coming, but I'm pressed to vent and gather some consensus on whether any Nesties have experienced the "break-up" of friendships with single girlfriends.
To summarize my situation--I had one friend for a little over four years, whom I met while interning in the city. She came to my wedding in Illinois, from Ohio, helped me land my current job three years ago (where she too works), and even attended my first cooked Thanksgiving. However, slowly over the last year, things started to shift in our friendship and I do accept some blame. She would make plans for girls' night outings--and I would sometimes bail if it meant extra quality time with DH, who works crazy hours as a sous chef, as most of you know, so I'm a "chef's widow." I thought my friend understood the importance of this in my marriage (and I would apologize), but evidently I was wrong.
Since she's single on her own, she is into the bar scene, and always inviting people over for movie night, etc. But, where I began writing her off was when she would make passive-aggressive, snide remarks like (i.e. oh, so you only hung around the house with DH and went to CVS? Sounds like you didn't do much? OR my favorite which almost costed her being told off--oh, he's still got that picture on the wall? My husband wouldn't have that hanging on my wall?) I was thisclose to responding: "that's why you don't have a husband--and may never with such a selfish attitude!"
Now, the current state of our friendship has gone from strain to darn near "frenemies--" on the job. I recently made an effort to take her out for a drink and just apologize for my actions, but make peace to at least be genuinely civil and not locked in the fasade we are. She made enough excuses for it not to happen, so I've pretty much washed my hands and made peace with the situation. I feel like I tried to do some repair, thus I've done my part. The real irony here is that DH had said that he saw this coming for a while, and has been really supportive, pointing out that unfortunately she became jealous of my marriage (as she pressures every guy she dates for a ring), and couldn't take it.
The other irony is, that I've never been that type of DW who constantly talks about her DH, nausiating every single person. I don't mind telling the funny, annoying stuff my DH tends to do, (like saving years old receipts for EVERYTHING)! LOL. But, again, this nagged me for a while, but I've now made peace with the fact after talking to other marrieds, that some friendships with singles end up failing after they married.
So, ladies tell me, does anyone have a similar experience with toxic single friends?
Re: Vent: Toxic Single Friends!
I had a toxic friend that i'm no longer friends with.
She was also a colleague in the theatre company that we started together, and that's where it started. DH and i got engaged during the rehearsal process for a show that i was directing. I think this friend was upset that i didn't cast her in a bigger part in the show so then she didn't agree with anything that i did with it (even though the others were all fine with it) and personally attacked me at the meeting we had after it was all over. She was being so hypocritical and unreasonable! I was so shocked that my 'friend' of 4 years would act this way towards me! And i never said anything to her about it. But i still tried to cut her some slack and change my thinking in that she was just doing her job with the theatre company and maybe i shouldn't take it so personally. But then we got involved in a show with DH's company and we would see each other at a few rehearsals. I would ask her how she was and i would get a 20min diatribe about her and her day and her life. When she would eventually return the favor and ask me how i was, i would start to talk and maybe mention about planning the wedding (sorry, but it was on my mind) and she would literally roll her eyes at me and make snarky comments and walk away. If she was really my friend, she would have given me my few minutes or handled it better. I understand that she was single at the time/flirting with a guy, but things can't always be dour and sad and miserable and about her. And i started realizing that our friendship had always revolved around her and her problems. But she was the first friend i made in the city, she got me introduced to DH and his theatre company and she was fun. But i need more than that.
So i washed my hands of it. No more emails, no more hanging out, nothing. It still hurts to think about it to this day, and i really wish i had stood up for myself and talked to her about her behavior. She was still invited to my wedding and it was fine, and i sometimes still see her at theatre events. And i'm sure she thinks we're no longer friends cuz i got married and have no time for friends anymore.
When really i just don't want to hang out with her. 
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Sorry I have been a stranger.... Not exactly the same but similar situation.
I have girlfriend who is in a toxic relationship (just dating), and as much as she tells me about there issues I can help but want to slap her for staying with the guy. I have to back off, because after I have tryed to give moral support at some point it is her personal choice to stay. Dating is supposed to be peaches and cream... if its not STOP RIGHT THERE!
I don't really have "toxic" single friends, but I do have single friends who I have grown apart from, who I was very close to at one point in our lives.
It's not that I don't like being friends with single people - MOST of my friends are single! But there is "single" and then there is "still trying to live the college life-single". Some of my single friends are all about going out and getting trashed at least twice a week if not more. I don't think it's cool to go to work with a hangover anymore, and I have responsibilities and busy weekends - I can't spend all Saturday recovering from the wild night before! I'd rather do "adult" things - dinner, movies, other activities that don't involve drinking till drunkeness.
So, while i haven't had the direct confrontations that you have, I can sympathasize because I know how friendships grow apart when two people don't have the same interests or are at the same point in life anymore.
Thanks for your feedback girls--I really appreciate it! (And 2pretty4pink, it's great to hear from you!)
I feel better and now realize that at some point for most of us, our friendships with singles can and will change in some sort of way. Although we want to continue being a good friend, I feel it's even more important to be there for your DHs'. I think the friends who understand are either life-long friends, or other marrieds. Once they join the club, then they'll understand! Thanks again girls!