June 2009 Weddings
Katie18
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Holiday Question
So, this year is the first year DH and I will be spending the holidays with eachother's families. We haven't really discussed it much, but we're not sure how to figure out when to go where. Both our parent's live about 30 mins away from us, so distance/travel isn't really an issue.
How do you guys split it up/plan on splitting it up?
Re: Holiday Question
For the last 3 years we have done the following:
- Christmas Eve dinner w/ my grandparents and parents then driving to DH's parents afterwards.
- Christmas morning with DH's family then driving to my parents home after lunch.
- Christmas Day (evening) with my family.
We're changing things this year and doing Christmas Eve with my grandparents like usual but then going to my parents after dinner. We'll spend the night and Christmas morning with my family then drive to the ILs after lunch. Spend the rest of Christmas day with them, spend the night there and come home the day after Christmas.
After typing all of that out, it seems super complicated.
Year before last we did Thanksgiving here and his fam came down...then Christmas up in Ohio.
Last year was unique because his 10 yr high school reunion was Thanksgiving weekend, so we spent Thanksgiving in Ohio...then left Christmas Day to drive to Ohio (after spending Christmas morning through afternoon with my parents).
This year...Thanksgiving will be here and his fam is coming down again. Christmas, we'll probably leave Christmas Day again (because driving on Christmas Day is wondeful - absolutely no traffic!!)
My mom has always been really awesome at making this work. My parents/family live about an hour and a half away.
Thanksgiving my mom will do lunch so we have time to come back for M's family's dinner.
Christmas:
Eve: lunch with M's mom's side than we drive to be with my parents and we sleep over.
Morning- Christmas with M's parents and lunch with his dad's side.
We do our own little thing usually on the 23rd or after the family stuff. It's the two of us and his brother as he used to live with us.
Ours is super complicated because my parents are divorced
Christmas Eve: Drive 3 hours after work to my Dad's side of the family gathering
Christmas Eve Night-Christmas Morning: Drive 30 min to DH family to spend the night and Christmas Morning
Christmas Afternoon-Evening: 10 min drive to Mom's side gathering for Chirstmas dinner
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Christmas Eve: my dad/stepmom's house for family party
Christmas Morning: MIL's for breakfast
Christmas Mid-Morning: my mom's to open gifts with sister and nieces
Christmas Evening: his grandmother's for his family's gathering with cousins
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Ugh. Holidays stress me out. Not only do I have to coordinate with my family, and ILs, I have to coordinate with my sister's IL and BIL's IL. Our families all live within an hour of each other, which is far enough to be a pain, but close enough that everyone expects to see you each day. I hate it and can't wait to have holidays at my house where people come to us instead of running all over!!! MIL always defaults to whatever DH's brother is doing since they have kids and we can be more "flexible". This leads to me not seeing my sister some years at all. Okay, vent over.
Thanksgiving: We usually eat with one family for lunch, the other for dinner. We flop every year who goes where because my sister's IL and BIL's IL both each at lunch so we miss someone every year.
Christmas Eve is always with my parents because IL don't go to church. But we rotate whose house we sleep at each year so that both families get us on X-mas morning.
Christmas is usually
Christmas Eve(7pm-1am) at my mom/step-dad's since we open presents at midnight and my whole family is there, including aunts and cousins. And we always have tamales for dinner, yummy!
(2am-noon) Then we head over to his parents house to spend the night (usually everyone is asleep). Then we open gifts with his brothers and parents as soon as we all wake up. Then we usually eat breakfast there, more tamales.
(2pm-4pm) We usually go to my fathers house so that I can give my sisters their presents and we watch them open them and we play with their new toys. But I am not sure if we are going this year since I still have not talked to my father since he did not go to my wedding and did not have the decency to call me and give me a heads up.
Thanksgiving usually works about the same. My mom has "dinner" ready around 3:00, so we eat there first, then we head over to his mom's house and to my fathers house last.
For the last 6 years, this is what we've done:
Thanksgiving-
Thanksgiving morning at his paternal grandparents and dad's side, lunch at my parent's, and dinner at his maternal grandparents and mom's side (they're divorced). It's a busy day for eating. This year I'm making my parent's lunch though, so I hope to skip the first lunch.
Christmas -
His paternal grandparents usually have Christmas sometime the week before, then we do Christmas morning and lunch at my parents and dinner at his maternal grandparents.
Our holidays are a little different because our families are so far away. His parents are a 5 hour drive away, and mine are a 3.5 hour flight. We've gone together to my parents' house for Christmas once, and gone a multitude of times to his parents' house for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas.
The last couple of years we've sort of done our own thing. Last year we spent Thanksgiving here in San Diego with some friends, and then Christmas was spent at a resort snowboarding with our Jewish friends. This year we wanted to do Thanksgiving in our new house, but I think we'll end up driving to see his family instead. For Christmas, we haven't decided yet. Last year's snowboarding Christmas was pretty kick a$$, so we might try to do that again.
For us, our family relationships are a lot different than most. In a lot of ways, we consider each other to be our main family element. It's nice to just be able to spend the holidays with each other and create our own traditions without stressing over how we're going to split our time.
For Thanksgiving, we're doing what we've done since we've been dating: Dinner with my family in the afternoon, dinner with DH's family in the evening
Christmas Eve, we've always just been with our own families for Christmas Eve. Obviously this year, we'll be together. We have no idea what we're gonna do, though. DH's family does Christmas Eve from like 4:00 till 9:00 or so and my family does it from 7:00 till midnight or so. In the middle, we have church at 5:00 or 6:00; so we're pretty stuck and have no idea what we're gonna do yet.
Christmas Day, we've always been with our own families in the morning, then mine early afternoon, and DH's late afternoon/evening. This year, we'll be with my family on Christmas morning/early afternoon, then with DH's family late afternoon/early evening, and by ourselves later at night.
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Our pastor said something I really liked at premarital counseling. He said celebrate with just you two first (meaning your personal plans come before your family's). We don't know what we're doing yet, but it's a pain because we both have parents that often work holidays (nurse and firefighter). I'm kind of dreading it. FI wasn't even "allowed" to spend the holiday with me until we were engaged (oh MIL).
Since we just moved to a new state. We'll probably spend Thanksgiving with just the two of us because it's now worth the 15 hour drive each way for two days with the families.
We've got 3 sets of parents (his parents are divorced & remarried). We kind of rotate.
This year my parents are due to get us for xmas, and I'll probably push for that bc it would also mean spending xmas with my extended family and this will be the first one w/o my cousin so it will be tough on them. Last year we were with his dad/stepmom.
For Thanksgiving, honestly we'll probably be in the midst of moving so we probably won't do anything. In the past we've had family visit us, but we won't be able to do that if we have showings.
We'll probably go see his mom sometime in early 2010. It will serve as both a holiday with her and a chance to see the new niece (DH's bro/SIL are due with their first kid on xmas), they live a few miles from her. Not sure when we'll get to see his dad and stepmom.
FWIW, all our parents live spread out. Mine in MA, his mom in TN, his dad in FL. We're in VA.
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Our holidays are annoying because everyone lives so far away from each other and DH's parents can't afford to travel at all.
His parents live the closest to us, 1000 miles away. My sister lives about 2000 miles away and my parents live 3000 miles away (that's one in each time zone, if you are counting).
Traditionally, I have flown somewhere to see my parents (either at their house or my sister's) for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, not both. Last year it was "Christmas," though we all met up at my sister's a week early so that I could spend Christmas at home with DH as he had a big project at work and couldn't go anywhere at all.
With the wedding we've already been out to visit my parents three times this year and I am really hoping that excuses us from having to travel there again. Losing two days (one there and one back) really sucks and I feel I've done it enough this year. My family is all coming out to visit us for Thanksgiving, which is awesome. But for Christmas, we don't know. DH's family can't travel, so maybe we'll fly to see them? It's the shortest flight, but I'd really rather just stay at home with DH.
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Holidays are such a cluster* for us. ILs are divorced and remarried but live in the same town, MIL and her parents each want to spend the holiday with us but refuse to travel to the same location so they are 2hrs. apart and then there is my family 7 hrs. away. No matter what we do everyone complains.
Soooo we have been spending Easters with my family, Thanksgiving with his dad's family, and Christmas rotates. His mom sees us on Thanksgiving and Mother's Day most years.
Like many pp's holidays for us are a pain in the asss. DH's family lives in town, my family lives 6 hours away. I think it would be fair to spend the actual holiday at my parents because we never see them. DH's dad would probably have a heart attack if I suggested that. They live 10 minutes away and can see us anytime but that wasn't good enough. So the only fair thing to do was to alternate. So each year we spend Thanksgiving in one place and Christmas in the other. Of course that means for Christmas that we then have to still go to the other parents but they have so far changed the holiday for us. Last year we celebrated with my parents on the 26th, this year we'll celebrate with his family on the 27th. Its not so bad when xmas is late in the week and we have a weekend after, when it falls on a Tuesday, I'm not sure how we'll manage both trips and vacation time. Its also going to get messy when we have kids.
We've talked about it and want to be able to spend xmas at home with our family when we have kids so hopefully we dont still live here or my parents are going to be seriously offended by having to have xmas late/early every year. All the travelling just stresses me out.
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OK we are pretty lucky in this department. DH's parents live overseas (in Indonesia) so they are pretty much out of the running. His extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins) are in OH, but I feel that Christmas should be spent with immediate family.
What we have done the last 2 years (I also came from a family who didn't think it was appropriate to spend holidays together before "seriously" dating) was go to OH for Thanksgiving with his extended family and then we are free to stay here for Christmas with my family. This works well because Thanksgiving is less of a big deal to my family and they are willing to give us up if it means always getting Christmas.
This year might be a little tricky though because his parents want us to come to Indonesia. The trip was supposed to be in January but tickets are proving a big hassle, and now it looks like we might have to leave ON Christmas Day. Haven't told my mom yet, but she'll be fine as long as we can still stay at her house Christmas Eve and wake up there in the AM.
We're Jewish and don't do Christmas either. We have tons of other holidays though that I've usually spent with my family but now we're working on doing on our own so that we have our own family traditions and stuff.
I'm worried about Thanksgiving this year. My parents never have it and C's parents always do so we've always gone there. Last year, EvSIL hosted and it turned into a big disaster. We're obviously not going there, but if she invites everyone, we'll do Thanksgiving in our apartment. I don't know what C's parents will do. Maybe we'll have ours pretty early so that they can go to both or something.
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Our's is always crazy due to separated parents but we have it worked out... christmas always slightly changes every year but for the most part you get the idea..
Thanksgiving day- my family for lunch and his dad's for supper, his mom is usually the saturday after thanksgiving... my daddy is just when it happens it happens.. he comes in from out of town(he is NOT a planner)
Christmas- my mom's extended family usually picks a saturday before christmas (i think it's the 19th this yr?) and we all get together, and then we split up christmas eve and christmas day into 2 "shifts" each day depending on what is going on with our families... like chistmas eve morning we will spend with my family, and christmas eve after noon we will spend with his dads side of the family, chistmas morning we will have our own celebration and that afternoon we will go to his mom's house... and similar to thanksgiving, my daddy's part just happens when ever he makes it in from out of town... It always seems to work out without too many problems so we enjoy it! It is always VERY busy and hectic though!