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kind of a lose/lose situation WWYD?
So I need some advice/opinions because I feel like everyone is making me feel like an as$hole, and I already feel like one as it is.
So alittle back story, MH's best friend and I have never gotten along. The three of us lived together for a year before MH and I got married and it was a really bad situation. He is a fairly good friend to MH most of the time, but has always been a d$ck to me. We have conflicting personalities.
So, his mother passed away last week. Of course I would put aside differences to go to the services. So MH tells me last night the wake is Saturday at 5pm. I made a commitment weeks ago to babysit.
I'm not sure what to do, the family I babysit for is so nice and they reserved me weeks ago to do this so obviously it's something important and I don't want to screw them over, plus I could use the money.
I thought maybe I could stop in to the wake quickly to pay my respects and tell the family I babysit for I needed to be alitlte late (I'm suppossed to be there at 5) but the wake is like an hour away. I don't know what to do. I feel like no matter what MH says about the reason I'm not there, I am going to look like a jerk that isn't going out of spite. I was talking to my friend about it last night and she made me feel worse about it.
I just feel so guilty and feel like I am going to upset someone no matter what I do.
Sorry that was long, just need advicve or opinions. Thanks girls.
Re: kind of a lose/lose situation WWYD?
I think it's important I go to, but I also think it's important to keep a commitment I made, thats the problem I am having.
I'm with Paula about not going. I know this sounds mean but when FIL and BIL died, I had no idea who all was at the wake OR the funeral. I found out that four of my cousins came about two months later and I even talked to them AT the wake but didn't remember. And I also have had people come up to me and say "I'm so sorry I couldn't come" and I have replied more than once with "um, you weren't there?"
It's such an emotional time, I don't think he will notice. And if he asks, your husband can simply say "She couldn't get off work." which is true. You will be at work. And, let's face it, sometimes 2 days or 3 days notice is not enough time to get off work for the funeral of the mother of a friend (granted, not your regular job but STILL work).
Yes Paula M, not my favorite person and you know one of many reasons why.
Thank you Paula and Mandy for making me feel less scum of the earthy.
Okay, Jo, since it IS the guy I was thinking of, by all means, you shouldn't feel obligated since a) he is a pr*ck, b) you and he have bad tension for VERY good reason, and c) he's a pr*ck. Just because he lost a loved one doesn't mean you have to suddenly put aside that fact to try and be nice to him. Even bad people can experience loss. Doesn't mean those they've wronged should suddenly forgive all and coddle them.
Yes, that may mean I'm hard-hearted, but honestly, sometimes it's not worth it to keep people in your life or even pretend to be nice.