Stolen from MM: Waiting on milestones

mamie329 · October 2009

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/24069859.aspx

This thread feels like my life right now. I've felt like I was in a limbo period twice before: right after college graduation and before I became engaged. With the wedding over, I'm feeling caught in that holding pattern again. We're not going to househunt for another 6 months to a year, and we're not on the baby train yet. Our careers feel unstable, and honestly neither of us really know what our prime career goals are.

Do you feel like you're "treading water"?

Discuss.

Kellybeth124 · October 2009

I feel the same way. We're waiting on me to start school, we'll be counting down the days til I'm done too. We're waiting to purchase a home, waiting to start a family, waiting waiting waiting. Truthfully though, things aren't so bad right now even if it could be described as treading water. It's just the two of us which keeps things simple, weekends are pretty relaxed, H's job is super stable. There are some nice aspects to it I suppose.

angelfire0412 · October 2009

Interesting issue. (on a somewhat-related note, are the ladies who post on MM bitchier than usual? I have heard that, but never have gone over there).

I felt like this somewhat after the wedding. It's like when we finally got hitched (haha), I was all the sudden married with 2 kids! Now what? I don't know how to explain it except that the reality of it finally set in I guess. (Becoming a parent is very surreal in general so I am not sure how much of it you actually fully process).?

But I can say that I sure didn't like the way that felt. So I started being proactive and pursuing goals that had kind of been floating abstractly in my consciousness for a while: I began cranking out paintings with the intention of selling them, started the blog, looked into NaNo, started to learn French, registered for a 5k etc etc.?

I think it's healthy to feel like this once in a while because it means you're not satisfied with the status quo and want to achieve more and do more and live more.

I think in my 30s I've realized that I still have a lot of goals and dreams I would like to accomplish and they aren't going to accomplish themselves if I don't go after them! Treading water is no longer an option I will allow myself. Life is too short!

mamie329 · October 2009

I think a lot of the posters in the original MM thread touched on a lot of great points. There's never going to be a moment when you've arrived. There will always be another milestone to work toward to or wait for. And then, you're old and waiting for... the end. It all seems so bizarre. Sometimes when I examine my place in life and get antsy or feel like a failure, I try to just "live in the moment" as corny as that is. That's kind of what our engagement period felt like. Working toward something, but not wanting my life to be completely consumed by it so much that I wasn't enjoying what was around me.

MM really isn't that bitchy compared to other boards. I find the discussion there to be informative and thought-provoking, with a side order of blatant truth and humor. I'm not a poster there, but I've been lurking for over a year.

CTbride320 · October 2009

I completely feel the same way and actually last night we had a talk about it. My H is going on residency interviews from Nov-Jan, and we won't find out where he'll be placed until March. There's a big possibility that we'll be moving from CT to NY, so I'm going to go through the teacher certification process if I want a decent job, BUT I can't even register to take the tests yet because it would be a waste of money if I did it now and we ended up not living there. Anyway, it's really bothering me because I'm dying to know where we'll be living for the next few years and I have to wait 5 more months and there's nothing I can do about it.

Also, I hate my job and I can't wait until next school year.

jessnjason · October 2009

I feel the same way. We are waiting to buy a house. After that we will start planning for #4 (yes flame away we are going to have another ::gasp::) H has a secure job but I hate mine. I know that there is nowhere to climb to at my current job but stay there because the hours are convenient.

hawkilady · October 2009

I feel like we are in a holding pattern too. DH is in a corporate training program for his company that takes around 2 1/2 years to complete. He is supposed to be done this coming summer. In the training program they generally start you in one location, move you to another for outside sales, and then relocate you again for a permanent (3-5 years permanent) placement. Well they let us stay here for the outside sales portion since it would be too difficult for us to move twice in a year.

I feel like we've been talking about selling our house and moving for 2 years now and its still not going to happen until next summer. And we still have no idea where we are going to be relocated too. And I'll have to find a new job, which means I can't get pregnant (and dont want to deal with that on top of moving/job hunting/etc.) until after we get through all these things. Its just frustrating because I feel like we wont accomplish anything in the next 6 months.

shagadelk7 · October 2009

I am going to have to disagree on the way everyone feels. For once in my life everything feels normal. We know kids aren't anywhere in the near future (hopefully not in the future at all) and although we know we would like to buy a house soon, I've already said that we are not going to be those people that buy any house that we 'kinda' like because its in our price range or because our lease is about to be up. I want to buy a house that I love. And if that means renting for another 2 years, then that's what's going to happen.

I have a secure job and we are paying down all our debt. Paul just got hired at a new hospital for more money which is also nice. I dunno, I just feel content. We are not in any rush to do anything. Most of our friends are single and pretty much doing the same thing we are.

MsWildcat · October 2009

I am exactly the same way. Waiting until i finish school and can start really working and our budget won't be as tight. DH is waiting for his job to be more stable and to finish his night school. We are both waiting to have children and are now saving up so we can afford to buy a nicer home.

I feel like i am often playing a waiting game though... it is kind of sad to think about it....

hopscotch. · October 2009

I'm going to agree with Shag and disagree with everyone else (for my personal life). I got an excellent job right out of college - moved to Atlanta and bought a condo in Midtown...lived the whole 22-25ish age range like I felt I should (living it up in a big city, but still financially responsible).

Moved back to Huntsville (right before I turned 26) when I felt it was time to settle down, sold my condo, bought a house...had one relationship that ended...then met H...got engaged, got married. Now I'm paying down some credit card debt from furnishing my house that was hanging around and still have the same good job. Everything seems to have fallen into place like I would have expected. You always hit bumps along the way, but I don't think I would change a thing and there isn't anything that I'm "waiting" for right now. We're definitely waiting to have kids for at least a couple of years so we can enjoy each other, traveling, etc. I feel like I've been settled and grown up for a long time now...but then again, I'm 29 and older than a lot of people on here.

cruella013 · October 2009

This is a great topic! I waver back and forth. On good days I convince myself to make the best of each day (this is today's mood). I have friends who are only happy if they are planning for the next big thing, and they never seem to be satisfied with life unless they have some huge project (for example, a friend's life goal was to get married - everything was about getting married, once she got hitched, it was all about the baby, etc.). If all your satisfaction comes from making these HUGE leaps and bounds, what about all the time in between?

Its the everyday ho-hum stuff that we need to see the positive in to have life satisfaction. So, while my job is not stable, at least I'm working and my mind is active. I'm starting to make new friends here in Chicago. I am surrounded (at least by phone) with family and friends that I love. I try and revel in my newlywed status - Our relationship is great, we communicate, we get to spend so much intimate time together - like staying in bed on Sunday mornings (that will change when we have kids), we take weekend trips, our sex life rocks. Thinking about all the wonderful things in my life reminds me how much people take for granted.

On bad days I hate the fact that my career might not recover from the decisions I made for my marriage (and that we will not have the $ to live the kind of life i want because of it). There are only 5 academic positions in the US right now for someone with my degree Angry . I also hate that our floors are still destroyed from the post-honeymoon flood and we don't know when or where we will move. I want these things to be settled, so I do feel your pain. But I'm having a good day, so I'm focusing on all the love in my life.

megs1383 · October 2009

I feel a little like i am "treading water". i think its taken me a while to get over the "now what?" feeling after the wedding... now it's been 3.5 months and I am finally starting to switch my perspective more towards living more "in the moment" versus focusing on a long-term goal.

BUT at the same time we're beginning to gravitate towards wanting to purchase a house, but i know its not anything we will be able to handle financially for at least another year. and babies wont be in the picture until a few years after we get a house...

My state of limbo comes from beginning to feel cramped in our current situation. We've accumulated so much stuff from the wedding that a tiny 1 bedroom apartment isn't really cutting it anymore, and we both have jobs that are mediocre, so money is always tight. So my focus now is to just try to organize our everyday lives... Maybe try to get better jobs, so we can make more and actually save some, keep up with housework so our apt doesn't feel cramped, etc...

mofe · October 2009

For the most part I feel like we're in a good spot. We've owned our home since 2005 and are happy with the size/location, so won't be looking to sell/buy for awhile. M has a great job with a great company. I have a good job and am planning on going back to school so I can move up in the company. The only thing lacking is being able to travel more often. We go on at least one trip a year but I would like to go more often. Overall I would say I'm pretty content with where we are in our lives.

desareee619 · October 2009

For me, because Alex and I are so young and pretty much just graduated college, I feel like I'm in the position of treading water. And, I think it's worse for grads from the past two graduating years because we ended our time in school at the beginning or in the middle of this recession - which makes for a lot of unemployment and idle time.

Right now, I'm really focusing on getting our own place and finding a job (hopefully a full-time job). But, we've also applied to the Peace Corps and could leave as early as June of next year - so we don't want to get too involved in life in the states to avoid having to make the decision of leaving to go overseas, or start building a career here. Luckily, because we're not really getting job offers, this isn't a big issue.

Really, I just feel like we did when we were younger and wishing time would go by faster.

RedZee · October 2009

I felt like I was treading water and waiting for my life to start for about 4 years. I was living in Montreal and working on my PhD and really did spend a lot of time just waiting for feedback from professors or waiting for certain things to happen. C was living in NY. We were ready to get engaged and married but we couldn't. I was living on a shoestring budget and was just hoping to have enough money to buy new socks. And I never knew if and how much I'd be funded. I was always counting down to seeing C or getting engaged or getting married or moving.

Then, towards the end of wedding planning, I was scared that I wouldn't like NOT having something to count down to. (Luckily, right after the wedding, we still had the HM.)

But in the end, I think I'm more content now in many ways than I've been in years. I love living with C. I love being married. I love building our life together. We still have goals and things going on. I still have to finish my PhD, but right now it feels like an annoying thing that needs finishing rather than something that's preventing me from living.

I think there will always, or should always, be something you're striving for. For us, it's getting the degree and getting out of debt and having some savings. And we're also hoping to start a family soon. But we're really enjoying where we are right now too so that it doesn't feel like life is on hold.

sarajoy12345 · October 2009

I'm in the "happy where we are" boat too. I do get twinges of the impatient waiting feeling when it comes to baby talk, but I KNOW that logically we are doing the right thing by working hard and saving money and enjoying this time being free & able to travel and go on dates and have sex whenever we feel like it. We can never get these years back and I LOVE THEM!

clarisa_b · October 2009

I am happy with my life and am so thankful that me and Jr have a great relationship. But we still have a lot we want to do in our lives, and we say we want do X before we do Y for so many different things, that it gets frustrating at times since it seems like we can't do it for a few months or even years.

So sometimes I do feel like we're treading water. I want a better paying job, but do not want to lose my stable job until I finish school. I want Jr to get a better paying and more stable job. We want to pay off our debt and save money so that we can buy a house we want, not a house we settle for. We want to travel to several countries before we think about starting a family. If we have kids and/or adopt kids we want to until we have have a nice home and a decent sized savings. I feel like we are doing okay for ourselves and I am glad we are planning for all these big events.

Junebug060609 · October 2009

I definetly don't feel like I'm treading water. In fact, feels like the opposite. Feels like we're going 10,000 miles per hour. We're in the midst of prepping our house for sale, getting ready for a move with the military, and I'm looking for a job at the new location. No BOTB yet, but that won't be long after we move.

Definitely living life on fast forward.

Stolen from MM: Waiting on milestones

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