Boston Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When are you going to have a baby?
I think about a hundred people asked me that this weekend. All of them were H's family at the wedding. Some of them I had not seen since our wedding nearly 6 years ago! Why do so many people think that is an okay question to ask. I held back by not saying anything super sarcastic, but ughhh.
Re: When are you going to have a baby?
The only people who I hate answering this to are my parents. They are DYING for a grandchild and they're not getting one from me for a few years, if I can help it. I'm the oldest and the only married one of my siblings, so all of the pressure is on me. They keep making comments about wanting a grandchild before they die. SIGH.
With more distant relatives I don't mind when they ask because they are usually just curious and making conversation.
I hate that question, and the fact that people assume that you will follow their life plan and not your own.
A close friend of mine asked this sometime maybe a year before the wedding, in front of my parents, knowing that we do not have plans for that. She then said dramatically, to my parents, "So you'll never get to be grandparents??!!" Though truly love this friend like a sister, I was SO angry. We had not even addressed this topic with my family. It was awkward for everyone. Not mention that I'm not an only child, so the comment was even less appropriate and an insult to my sister! UGH. That was probably a year ago, but it still bothers me thinking about it. I never said anything about it to her because I wouldn't even know where to start.
We are now considering that we MAY want this sometime down the line, but not now, and it's really nobody else's business.
First it was "when are you getting married? when are you getting married?" pre-engagement and now "when are you having a baby? when are you having a baby?"
Also, my mom calls me weekly and mentions how she ran into soandso around town, told them we got married, and they want to know when we're having a baby and isn't she so excited to be a grandma. It makes her very uncomfortable.
We're lucky in that our parents aren't ready to be grandparents so they never ask. We're both the oldest, just turned 26, and have only been married a year. The only people who have asked us are: my uncle, my friend (who asked every time I see her!), and my hairdresser (who was merely just making conversation).
Funny story: the last time MIL was visiting in August DH mentioned something about looking forward to moving into the house so that I can start decorating and take my mind off babies. It is funny because I don't have baby fever at all. MIL started to almost freak out like 'you're just buying a house, you're still really young, blah blah blah'. Actually, it was kind embarassing for me since what DH said wasn't true, but it was also funny to watch her freak.
So many people think marriage = baby. Before I got engaged, I was talking to a close friend of my parents who I have known forever. Mine and DH's future plans came up (this was shortly before we got engaged and I knew it was coming since we had already started some wedding plans) and she said to me 'oh don't get married yet, you still have so much more to do, you're too young to get married!
I was like ummm what?! Why can't people just be married and enjoy themselves without having kids immediately! She wasn't suggesting we break up, but that we still have things to do before getting married. Because apparently married people can't do those things? I mean, we were already living together! So stupid...
When we get asked the question, it tends to be jokingly... My MIL is very anxious to be a grandmother but I have a SIL who is struggling the baby issue right now and there are a lot of emotions around that so we get a break.
My parents would be happy to be grandparents but I don't see them drooling at the chance yet... I'm the oldest on my side so they are still adjusting to the fact that they have a married daughter.
I am thankful we don't get harassed about it (yet)!
I used to get this from co-workers (particularly senior people) all. the. time! "you're too young to be committed" "just don't go getting married" "all your fun will be over" "move out on your own for awhile" ummm...i'm sorry, i didn't know you got a say in how my life should go, that you know all my history, and that you think marriage equals no fun.
when we were still in college, living in dorms, dead broke, had never discussed getting engaged, future MIL used to make comments about how she couldn't wait for a grandbaby, wish it was happening soon, just wants little kids running around her house. i was like "of course they will be running around your house because we will have to live with you because we cannot afford a child!" seriously, it sounded like she wished her son would drop out of college and have whatever gf he had at the time pop out a kid.
I can't stand the too young to be married statement. Really, thanks for your unsolicited opinion. So annoying. There is a cafe in Chatham that my husband will no longer go to because the day of our wedding he was in there getting a sandwich with some of his groomsmen and she went on a whole rant about it. PS. She is married with kids. He hasn't been back since. Which stinks because they had great latte's.
I also agree that people think marriage = children. My brother was complaining about it to my mom that he doesn't know why we got a dog we should have a baby instead. His wife is the one up my behind about children.
UGHHHHH.
My parents already have 2 grandchildren so they're content. My dad is anti children in the city so he doesn't want us having kids until we move. My MIL & FIL are all over this having grandchildren thing because they don't have any, DH is the oldest living child they have and all their friends have grandchildren now.
ME TOO!! Well, it was one person - my former boss, where I worked back in college. It was January before I graduated, and we were finishing off the in-law apartment at my parents house for us to move into in May. She went into this whole spiel (sp?) about how I should be moving in with girlfriends and traveling and enjoying single life before settling down.
She did that, and didn't meet her husband until her mid 30s. She was so rude about it all she had me in tears. I didn't know what to say! Afterwards I thought, I wish I had the balls to be that rude back and say 'I don't want to wait that long and then have to have IVF because I'm too old to have kids, LIKE YOU!' I certainly would never feel or say anything that rude towards her, but it would have had the same affect as what she said to me! Haha.
I'll never understand why people our grandparents' ages say we're too young when most of them were married around the same age, if not younger!
Before we got engaged DH's grandfather said something to MIL about how 'if you want to live paying minimum balances off our credit cards', clearly disapproving (even though they were around the same age when they got married). Yet he knew nothing about our finances. We'd had our jobs over a year, I was still living at home saving a ton of money, plus we both always paid off the entire amount on our credit cards each month and still have to this day.
It really bugs me when people make ignorant statements about things they know nothing about. What are they trying to prove?
Speaking of getting cards - my SIL found out she is having a girl a few days before our anniversary. We already have one niece, so I knew I would be hearing it that we have to have a boy from my ILs. Well what do you know - they sent us an anniversary card that said '[my name] - the pressure is on you for a boy!' Wow, thanks for the heartfelt anniversary wishes.
First, that's wildly inappropriate and I'm always shocked by the things your ILs say to you. But more importantly the pressure isn't on you, it's on your DH since he's the one with the Y chromosome. You can only provide the X. Looks like they need to brush up on their basic biology.
I've almost stopped being shocked at this point - it's like I expect them to be wildly inappropriate all the time hahaha.
And seriously, like I could do anything about it anyway!! Since then I have actually snapped at them and told them that it's not me, it's DH who isn't ready yet (this was before we started ttc) and they have backed off a lot. Like haven't said anything about it again. Nor do they give DH a hard time about it. So totally fair, huh? But whatever, they have stopped saying things to me at least, so that's good.
Not that they have stopped being inappropriate in other ways, but that's something that will never happen, sadly.
Adoption Blog
Only being married for a month, we havent had many people pressuring us... I mean, my mother will make comments about babies every not and again, but not the constant "When are you having a baby??!"
We're going to wait to start trying on our first anniversary... I'm going off BC after this month because Yaz is the devil.
That it is. I was on the generic of it for a month and hated it. I didn't think it would take affect that fast, but oh boy it sure did! That was when I quit BCP all together (was on a different one before that).
I was on OrthoTriCyclen and then its generic, and then Yaz, and sex drive is just non-existent... my doctor agrees... I'm just not looking forward to the cramps that are going to take me down in 3 months...