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Funeral Photos on FB?
A friend of a friend (married, father of two small kids) recently died (suicide following a long battle with depression) and his memorial service was this weekend. It was an Irish wake-style memorial and I just saw photos of it on Facebook. I think this is the weirdest thing and am trying to decide whether I think it's inappropriate. Granted, there are some touching photos of toasts and hugs, but there are also many photos of unadulterated grief, especially of the widow. Some of them are very powerful and artistic but I can't help feeling that there's something wrong about these photos -- complete with FB photo tags -- being on FB. Shouldn't that be a time when you can cry and express grief without worrying what you look like?
Thoughts?
Re: Funeral Photos on FB?
One of my parents old friends from high school just passed away and the x-wife posted pics on her FB of the funeral. I mean down to the casket going in. I just saw a post pop p and I didn't even bother looking further.
I felt like it was inappropriate. I guess every one has different views? I have seen people take pics at funerals before and I always felt weird about that.
I guess I would have to draw the line there. I wouldn't even think of taking a camera to a funeral.
I did go to one earlier this year where the deceased was a friend's grandfather and was buried at Arlington Nat'l Cemetary - she took pics of the procession and posted those, but it was just of horses and cars and the cemetary. I didn't find that weird at all, but there weren't any pictures of people grieving or anything.
However, if he was a photographer, maybe it was his wish that things be captured on film? I would agree that it definitely seems odd to me though.
I guess since he was a photographer it was okay, maybe something he wanted....I don't know, putting them on FB is still a little too strange for me.
I know people mourn differently and all, but I will never forget one funeral experience that left me totally traumatized for a long time. It was of a 10 year old boy that I used to tutor at a nearby elementary school, and people were videotaping the entire thing & posing for pictures....
I have a really hard time at funerals generally. I'm a crier, and I have attended memorials where I barely even knew the departed (but went to support someone else) and spent the whole time blubbering like a baby. If I actually care deeply about someone, I am a complete bawling mess.
On the other hand, funerals often bring together people who haven't seen each other in a while. I can appreciate that it's nice to gather with those people and share your love for someone you've lost...but even then, still don't get the posing for pictures thing.
This. Totally. Very bizarre, IMO.
Since the departed was a photographer, as was the friend who was taking the pictures, maybe that's part of the culture of their lives. It might seem like a natural way for them to process their grief. I can also see how someone might want that degree of separation on a very difficult day.
That said, I'm not a photographer, so this situation would make me a bit uncomfortable (viewing the photos, or being photographed).
This is the view I'm leaning toward. I wouldn't personally either take or post these photos, and I'd give the side eye toward 99% of people who do.
However - in this specific instance, I'm leaning toward "It's OK" mostly based on the fact that both the departed and the friend are photographers and you said you believed that it was run by the widow before the photos were posted (if there are photos of anyone else beside themselves with grief, I would hope that he also checked with them before posting the pictures). Those are the only reasons that this is OK to me, even if it's still not my style.
UPDATE: I saw photo comments from the widow and close friends, and it's clear that the photos are indeed part of the grieving process. There is one particularly moving photo taken in low light where a crowd of people have their arms stretched outward in various angles all holding each other and the widow and the widow, who's face is the only face you see, is looking upward and wailing. It's absolutely heartbreaking. The widow commented on the photo saying that she loves it and wants the photo in high-res so she can blow it up and display it.
Again, not my thing, but at least it's not disrespectful to the people who deserve most to be respected in times like these.
i took pics at my great aunt's funeral and never thought anything of it. once everyone knew i had pics, they all wanted copies and were super grateful that i was able to capture those moments. i think people have a certain perception of death and that it has to be serious/sad and you have to act a certain way. everyone is different. in my family death is sad because the departed are no longer with us but it ends up being a huge celebration with lots of happy memories. i used to date a guy in seattle (his dad owns a pretty popular irish pub), they had a wake at the bar w/the casket and it was a full on party!